I have been agonizing over my last posting for hours now. I ask your forgiveness if it seemed as though I was losing my faith. I can assure you that I know Who controls and Who gives each and every breath to my Ashley. At times it is hard to put into words the things I know in my heart when my head is running away with thoughts that I try so much to keep under control. Today has been a scary day for me, but I can now think a little clearer and see that we are still so very blessed.
I am blessed to have been given another day with Ashley. I am blessed that she woke up from a good night's rest with a grin on her beautiful face. I am blessed that God did not give her a spirit of fear, but that He has given her the will to live. I am blessed that all those who take care of her see the fight that is inside of her and they too want her to survive. I am blessed to have held her close to my heart this morning before I gave her to them. I am blessed to have heard so many comment on how beautiful she was today and how good she looked to them. I am blessed to have held her hand right before she went into surgery. I am blessed to be allowed to sit next to her bed tonight and pray for another breath and another and another. I am blessed to have the confidence of the doctors so that they can tell me the truth as they see it. I am blessed that I am can place kisses on her head while she sleeps tonight. I am blessed that all of the pictures taken during the procedure show the most beautiful organs. I am blessed that she is not in rejection of the gift she was given. I am more than blessed that she is here and that I am her mom. I am blessed that she has a Daddy, a big brother, and a big sister who are praying for her. I am just blessed, even in the midst of a chaotic day I know that I am blessed.
Ash is now completely sedated and paralyzed so that she does not move and bother the breathing tube. I find myself dosing off and startling awake as they come into give her more and more drugs to keep her asleep. They plan on keeping her on the vent for at least 3 or 4 days to make sure she is stable. They are sending cultures to the lab to check for any possible infection that may have invaded her lungs during today's procedure. The biggest risk to Ash at this moment is her respiratory issues. How hard it is to see her struggle when she has always had such strong lungs. Please pray that pnuemonia will not set into her lungs over the next few days. We are holding on and waiting on Him to reveal more of His plan. I know that there is one. Good night.