Sweet Moments

This morning I have been given the sweetest moments spent with my tiny Ashley Kate. She is so very beautiful all tucked snugly into a pink and white pair of jammies. All of her tiny features have returned and I have enjoyed studying them this morning. I love her fingers! All ten of them! They are so petite and beautifully designed. There is nothing about Ash that I do not love. From every wonderful eyelash to all of her "battle"scars they each tell their own piece of her story. As I sit and rock this precious bundle of baby girl, I think of how wonderfully blessed I am to be a mommy. Blake and Allie are now to grown up to refer to me as anything other than "Mom", but I remember a time when they too called me that wonderful word. Of all the things in the world I could have grown up to be if I could choose again I would still choose to be Blake, Allie, and Ashley's mom. There is no greater joy! I love my children and even if they weren't mine I would still want to know them. God has been so abundantly good to me.


Last night as I listened to the events unfold that surrounded me my heart ached to hold my son. I was forced to hear the crys of a broken hearted family as they lost in a most violent way their precious son. How my heart cried for them and I found myself begging God to please comfort them during those moments. I so badly wanted to be at home with all 3 of my children tucked safely into their beds. Today I know they must feel as though it can't be real. She continually wailed, "Not my son, not my son". How I wish it had not been her son. How grateful I was that it was not mine. How badly I wished that it would never, ever be any mother's son who would lose his life. My heart is heavy with grief that I feel for a family who I do not know, and who I will never meet. My life will forever be changed as a result of last nights events. I will pray for this family and for peace in their home and in their hearts from now on. I will treasure even more each and every moment I am given to spend with my children, because I realize we are not promised a life time with them. Is this one of the reasons Ash and I are still here? What did He intend for me to learn from this witnessing this? Can I change the world around me for Him?

Today I am left searching for what I need to be doing. I am praising Him for creating my son and my daughters. I am thanking Him for allowing me to be their mom. I am looking for what I am to do with this life He has given to me. How His heart must have broken as He looked on at the events of last night. He loved that child as much as He loves mine. In the middle of my sweet moments I am still searching for ways that He can use me here in this place, and I am thanking Him for allowing me to be here with my Ashley.