How Could I Ask For More?

One week ago last night I stood in the hallway outside of my Ashley's room and begged God to spare her life. One week ago this morning I watched them prepare my Ashley for heart surgery and once again I begged God to spare her life. Four months ago today we woke up asking the Father to provide a way that Ashley's life might be spared. On all three occasions He heard the pleas that came from my heart and today I will hold our sweet baby girl. Not because of who I am or because of anything I have done. Only because He is who He says He is. How could I ask for more?

For years I struggled with this question. I had already been given so much in my life. I had a Blake. I had an Allison. How could I ask Him for more? Was it wrong for me to desire to parent another mothers child? As I continued to struggle with my requests Dave came to the Father out of a heart of willingness. Willingness to be a father to our Blake and our Allie and find contentment in them, but also a willingness to go beyond that and to parent another child if God chose to see his willing heart. My approach to God began with a need that I believed I had. It was a longing that could only be filled with this child that I knew would complete us. Looking back over this part of our lives I can now see that at the very moment when I approached the Father with my willing heart rather than my requesting heart is when He chose to bless me. It took my surrendering to the thought that I would be willing only if it were His will for our family, and only if it were done in His time. The days following my Ashley's birth were some of the most difficult days of my life, but they were also the days when I learned that my life could not be all about me. It had to be all about HIM. I had to pray that only if it were His will that she live, if it were His will that she be mine, if it were His will that I hold her. In those days I became broken. I poured my heart before Him. In those days He became real.

Today we woke up and we find ourselves facing a whole new set of issues. Ashley is dehydrated and her kidneys are not working. They have given her blood, they have given her fluid, they straight cathed her bladder and they plan on doing it again. I find myself praying AND asking for more. I continue to go to the Father and ask Him for more. I know that He does not grow weary of my request because of Who He is. As I struggle with the question of "How could I ask for more?" I find this answer, BECAUSE HE LOVES ME and BECAUSE HE LOVES HER.

I would appreciate your prayers for my Ashley today. Her body hurts because she is so very dry. She hurts to be touched. She hurts to be moved. She hurts. Thank you for caring enough about her to take her to the Father. Trish