Tearful Goodbyes???

I had fully expected to be sobbing uncontrollably by now from saying good bye to my precious family. Instead of sobbing uncontrollably my heart is racing and I am breathing uncontrollably. What I thought was a well orchestrated, organized plan for getting everyone where they needed to be by 4:30 this morning proved not be fool proof. Let me start with the events of last night.

After tucking Ash to bed and saying goodnight to her, Nan, and Grandma, the kids were begging to back to "our" hill and sled just one more time before they had to leave the wonderful snow and go back to Texas. I begin telling Dave that there is absolutely no way I can survive another round of frostbite because the temperature had now dropped into the 20's. I must go back to the apartment and begin doing laundry and packing if we even hope to get out of there on time in the morning. He looks over at me and whispers, "I just want to say yes." "OK," I said, "but take me back to begin doing the responsible thing and you guys have a great time." We all agree. One little problem, have you ever met our 8 year old daughter? She is just as stubborn and determined to do things the hard way as our 1 year old. I don't want to get into all of the details but the tears began to flow over not being able to put her snow pants on over her boots and through much debate it was decided maybe she was too tired to go "sleighing" and perhaps she should just go snuggle on the couch with mom. So the boys are off. A short while later the boys are standing at the front door and they say, "It just isn't the same without you, Al. We came back to get you." My heart is instantly melted as Dave tells me how Blake got there and decided it wasn't fair to be having so much fun without Allie. As they pull into a parking spot outside the apartment Blake says to David, "Thanks dad, not everybody's dad would drive all the way back to get her." "Your welcome, Blake, not everybody's big brother would want me too." As Dave is sharing the story with me and Allie is "wrestling" her boots, I say, "hurry up and shut the door, I am freezing", to which my son replies, "Mom, we are trying to have a "moment" here!". Did I ever tell you all how very much I love those two guys?

Anyway they return way too late from"sleighing" and I finally get us all tucked into bed for a 3 hour nap. Meanwhile we live in a very small, one bedroom apartment and the washer and dryer is in the very middle of it. None of us are able to fall asleep quickly because of the NOISE coming from the laundry. Dave and I retreat to bed and the tears begin to fall. I start to fall apart because of things from A to Z that are going on in the lives of my little family of 5, and Dave tries to tell me everything will be OK and that someday Ash and I will BOTH move back home and all of this will become a distant memory. He tells me this not because I believe that he actually believes it, but because this is job to try and make me feel better and he is getting sleepy. The next thing I know I am "dreaming" that the phone is ringing and on the other end is the cab driver telling me our cab is downstairs. Thank you I reply and then close my phone and my eyes. They pop back open quickly to reveal that it is 4:26 and we need to be all the way across town outside of the hospital in 4 minutes. IMPOSSIBLE!!! is all I have to say about that. So here goes my crazy life. In 13 minutes flat I have managed to wake not 1, not 2, but 3 sleeping bears, gotten them dressed, luggage loaded and the car started by 4:37. During the drive I am still slaying problems like lost crocs, forgotten toothbrushes and the likes,but we are all buckled up and we are on our way(with the knowledge that we are paying the cab driver the entire time as his meter runs).

So the tearful goodbye I had fully expected did not occur. I managed to leave my cell phone, my shampoo, my shower gel, and several other necessary things at my apartment, but my family was safely loaded into a cab and on their way to the airport. I guess God had His own way of having us say goodbye this time, and I am going to be thankful that my eyes aren't swollen from crying but rather a lack of sleep.

I am now going to go lay in my chair next to my Ashley's crib and pray that she will somehow, someway fall asleep. Her little eyes have been opened for over 24 hours and she looks so exhausted. The good news is that her sats are at 100 on only 2 liters of oxygen, and it looks like we will be able to safely kick that ventilator out of our room. My next hope is to lose the catheter and art line so that I might actually hold this princess at some point today. I will update you all as the day progresses, but I think I might actually manage to sqeeze in an hour long nap before the PICU awakes for the day. Have a great day and may God bless you as it starts. Take care. Trish