Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/25/2007

Living each Moment


This is my mission while on this journey with my youngest daughter. I am living each moment with her and soaking in all the tenderness that they hold. This afternoon as I sat and typed my earlier post my sweet Ashley Kate was sitting in my lap watching the little black letters appear on the screen(this is her new interest, helping type this journal). As I typed with my right hand using only my index finger to hunt and peck, I held her tightly against me with my left arm wrapped around her. Something distracted me from my "typing". It was something beautiful. Something amazing. It was her little heart beat. I felt it against my arm. The same little heart that slipped into cardiac arrest just over a month ago was now beating a precious rhythm against my arm. I immediately stopped "typing" and soaked in the beat. How grateful I was to be living in that very moment with my baby. As I was enjoying the beat I noticed something else just as beautiful. Her breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out. All on her own. Her lungs. The ones He created her with. The ones who now have cancer inside of them. Her little lungs that are scarred and labeled with this ugly disease. Her little lungs that have struggled for so many months to rid themselves of a ventilator. Here they are today breathing beautifully, clearly, effortlessly just as He created them to. I began to be very still. Searching for more. It didn't take long until I found it. A rumble. A movement. Down low from deep inside of her tiny body. It was coming from a part of her that didn't even belong to her just 5 SHORT months ago. It was a gift. This gift was now making some of the most beautiful sounds and movements I have ever heard or felt. It was the bowel. The intestine. The gift that was given from another who had to leave. The gift from a little life that is forever a part of my Ashley's story. I was now overcome with emotion. I sat and I cried. I kissed her tiny head. I breathed in the smell of her thinning hair. I sat. I enjoyed. I loved. I lived. I lived the tenderness of this beautiful little girl that was given to me. Given to me to hold on days like today when her tiny body fights to stay awake. Fights to kill the disease inside of her lungs. Fights to live every moment of life she is given.

"Be still and KNOW that I AM God". This is what He tells us to do. Today in those moments I did. I became still enough to know the He is who He says. He created my Ashley. He gave her to me to love. He used her to show me who He was. I am glad I have learned to live each moment of this life in this way. I would have missed so very much if I had decided not to just be still. He is working in her life. He is taking care of her. He is loving her. I will forever be changed by this little life who sits upon my lap to help me share His story by writing hers. Thank you God for becoming real to me.

15 Comments:

At 7:10 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Oh you give me goosebumps. I can "see" God through your story and for that, I thank you. I would not wish your "situation" on anyone...but your blessings, I love to hear them and revel in what He creates. I too am blessed with children and you make me even more grateful for my blessings. Thank you for sharing!!

 
At 7:45 PM , Anonymous Christy said...

this is beautiful...and i appreciate the pictures...they are an added blessing as we visit daily. still praying...

 
At 8:25 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

... and I will be exalted among the nations!

He is exalted through your story, I imagine, throughout the nations. It is wonderful to be still and know.

 
At 8:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing photos along with your journal. Ashley is so precious. Your family's story of love and faith is so amazing, thank you for sharing it with all of us. We continue to pray for you and Ashley. May Christ strenghten you both as she fights this cancer.
"...for I am the LORD who heals you."
Sleep well,
Shannon
Bellevue, NE

 
At 9:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful...... Praying...

 
At 10:04 PM , Blogger Susan said...

What a beautiful gift of thanksgiving you offer. You and Ashley are in my prayers! Love and hugs!

 
At 11:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

beautiful writings. thanks for the picture

 
At 12:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just checking in to see how Ashley and Mommy are doing once again.

Wow! Your testimony is so touching and I have learned so much from you, Trish. Being so open to allow God to work in you through this trial He has allowed. The picture of Ashely is precious. Even though she is so weak, I am glad she is resting as she hasn't had much of that in weeks and weeks.

Your posting gives all the Glory to Him and exalts the Father!

As usual, praying for your precious "pickle" and her precious family.

Night, night, now!

Shari

 
At 1:03 AM , Blogger renovating this heart said...

I made this precious picture my desktop background. I was just thinking about her today on my back porch swing.... how well she's doing in every way aside from the cancer... how thankful I am (and you must be) that her feeds are being tolerated so well finally and miraculously, her little heart is beating away, her lungs are breathing. Yes, this cancer is a little bump in the road, but not one that's too big for our GOD... He has done SO much in her little body so far, I continue to pray for His healing hands to work. I'm sending you both hugs tonight.... and picturing this sweet girl, all dressed in pink, often in my thoughts.

 
At 7:25 AM , Blogger Cheryl said...

Sharing His story by writing hers. How amazing that He works such miracles in plain sight and how thankful I am to read it all as it unfolds.

May you continue to hear the heart of God beating over you.

 
At 8:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love all of the new pictures and videos you are posting. I know she has cancer, but she always looks so healthy to me. She is a darling baby. I love your thoughts and prayers during this time. We are praying...

 
At 8:57 AM , Blogger Krista said...

She looks beautiful in spite of that stinking cancer! she looks like a little Angel! She will pull through this and be able to write the pages of her own story someday! How cool it will be to see both of you writing your first book about God's miracles!! Have a good day today!

 
At 2:13 PM , Anonymous dava mccasland said...

Wow! That's awesome to BE STILL and let God just show you what's He's done. That's funny because I do that sometimes with my own children. I just stop and look and am in such "awe" at what He has created. Your posting gave me chill bumps, but once again made all of us think about our own children, too. You have such a ministry and we all know He is doing a mighty work in the life of your Ashley Kate! Love you!

 
At 10:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had the great privilege of meeting Ashley's grandmother today. She came into the beauty shop for a trim and she shared Ashley's amazing journey with me. I in turn shared my son's journey with her.
Ashley is so blessed to have each and everyone of you in her lives and through the miracle of Jesus Christ, she will grow to testify for Him.
I will be praying for Ashley and each of you.

Janice Johnson

 
At 4:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This morning i sat reading my e-mail and i got to one sent to me by my sister who is a beautician in Longview (I live in Houston) and she wrote that she had cut Ashley's grandmother's hair yesterday and as she did she was told about Ashley and
her family. My sister fowarded Ashley's website to me to check out which I did and was really touched to hear of her rough journey so far in her precious little life. My own daughters birthday is today, she is 15 today and I feel so blessed for each and every day that I've shared with her. So many times I checked in on her watching her sleeping making sure she is "allright" smiling looking at how peaceful,healthy and beutiful she is and I have given thanks so many times over the years for her happiness and health. We prayed for your Ashley today that she may soon have a complete and total recovery.
God bless her, she sure looks like a fighter to me!
God Bless,
Lisa and Bonnie

 

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