Living each Moment

This is my mission while on this journey with my youngest daughter. I am living each moment with her and soaking in all the tenderness that they hold. This afternoon as I sat and typed my earlier post my sweet Ashley Kate was sitting in my lap watching the little black letters appear on the screen(this is her new interest, helping type this journal). As I typed with my right hand using only my index finger to hunt and peck, I held her tightly against me with my left arm wrapped around her. Something distracted me from my "typing". It was something beautiful. Something amazing. It was her little heart beat. I felt it against my arm. The same little heart that slipped into cardiac arrest just over a month ago was now beating a precious rhythm against my arm. I immediately stopped "typing" and soaked in the beat. How grateful I was to be living in that very moment with my baby. As I was enjoying the beat I noticed something else just as beautiful. Her breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out. All on her own. Her lungs. The ones He created her with. The ones who now have cancer inside of them. Her little lungs that are scarred and labeled with this ugly disease. Her little lungs that have struggled for so many months to rid themselves of a ventilator. Here they are today breathing beautifully, clearly, effortlessly just as He created them to. I began to be very still. Searching for more. It didn't take long until I found it. A rumble. A movement. Down low from deep inside of her tiny body. It was coming from a part of her that didn't even belong to her just 5 SHORT months ago. It was a gift. This gift was now making some of the most beautiful sounds and movements I have ever heard or felt. It was the bowel. The intestine. The gift that was given from another who had to leave. The gift from a little life that is forever a part of my Ashley's story. I was now overcome with emotion. I sat and I cried. I kissed her tiny head. I breathed in the smell of her thinning hair. I sat. I enjoyed. I loved. I lived. I lived the tenderness of this beautiful little girl that was given to me. Given to me to hold on days like today when her tiny body fights to stay awake. Fights to kill the disease inside of her lungs. Fights to live every moment of life she is given.

"Be still and KNOW that I AM God". This is what He tells us to do. Today in those moments I did. I became still enough to know the He is who He says. He created my Ashley. He gave her to me to love. He used her to show me who He was. I am glad I have learned to live each moment of this life in this way. I would have missed so very much if I had decided not to just be still. He is working in her life. He is taking care of her. He is loving her. I will forever be changed by this little life who sits upon my lap to help me share His story by writing hers. Thank you God for becoming real to me.