Good night, Sleep Tight

Bedtime, it has to be one of my favorite times of the day. Spending those precious moments with each of my children, kissing their foreheads, and loving on them just does my heart good. At the end of a tough day nothing can heal my hurts like having their arms wrapped around me as I tell them how much I love them. When nothing seems to be going right, I always know that when they are tucked in safe and sound it will all be alright. I dreamed of tucking them in, holding them, talking to them, and watching them sleep for so long that it now seems like I am living a dream. I am not sure if I can tell you how good it feels to know that we are all under the same roof again. I know its not our roof, and its not our rooms, but we are together and I know that they are safe.

I usually start by telling Blake goodnight. He is sleeping on the living room floor. I love to go back and forth with him about who is going to be rubbing whos feet that night. He always says, "I'll do yours if you do mine first." I'm way to smart for that. He is always asleep by the time I finish foot number one. I tell him how much he is loved. I tell him I am proud of him. I let him know that I am thankful to be his mom, and I kiss that precious forehead before moving on to his sisters. As I walked away from him tonight the thought of him growing up and not being there for me to tuck in some day slipped into my mind. Our time is so precious and it goes so fast.

Next I move on to my beautiful Allison. She sleeps in the guest bed with me most nights(Dave sleeps at our house sometimes, and lately he has been out of town a lot). The first words out of my mouth to her are,"You know that your my best friend,don't you?" She responds,"and your mine too." I pray she always feels this way. She is growing up so fast. She gets taller and thinner everyday and with her new haircut it seems that all the little girl in her is fading away. I tell her how much she is loved, how proud I am to be her mom, and then I move in to kiss that forehead. She always reaches up for one more hug before allowing me to slip into the other room. I love that last hug each night. I move on to our Ashley with a smile in my heart left by her big sister.

Our sweet Ashley Kate is sleeping in the sun room. Her nan is helping take care of her during the night. What a blessing it has been to have her helping me! My Ashley takes a little more tucking in than the other two. First we draw her round of meds and give them. Then we check her feeds and make or fill formula bags for the night. After changing, emptying, and dressing in a set of soft, pink, p.j.s we are ready to cuddle. The things I say to this little one so often bring on my tears. I always tell her how proud I am of who she is. I tell her how brave and strong she is. I tell her how blessed I am to be her mommy. I tell her to be tough and to keep fighting. I tell her she is beautiful and she is my gift from God. Sometimes she nods at me as if to answer that she understands all I am telling her. Sometimes she just smiles up at me. Sometimes she closes her eyes and begins to drift off to sleep. That tiny forehead receives a hundred tiny kisses. I am allowed to linger longer on her head and I love to just smell her sweetness. This little one touches a part of my heart that had been reserved for her for so very long. As I lay her down I often whisper thank you over and over again. I am thanking her for fighting so hard to stay and I am thanking the Father for allowing her to stay. If I am given a thousand nights with her, ten thousand nights with her, or a hundred thousand nights with her I will never cease to say those two words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Ashley. Thank you, to her birth mom. Thank you, to my precious friend who made the call. Thank you, to our donor family. Thank you, to the Father.

Tomorrow we will be at her appointments in Dallas. Ash and I will be traveling alone. I hope she sleeps on the drive. I am planning on being back in Longview by the early evening hours. I will talk to you all once we make it home. Thank you for praying for our baby today. I appreciate each of you who continue to love on her. Goodnight and Sleep tight. Trish