Into Every Life a little Rain must fall...
and today it fell into Ashley's. What a rough day my little one is having. She is so very nauseated and is vomiting with every movement. My heart aches for her because she feels so weak. Her white count has been depleted and she just feels so crummy. I spoke with our pastor this morning and he tried to describe to me how bad it feels to have no white count and to be going through chemo. I wish I could understand it better, but I have no experience with it firsthand. All I know is that my sweet girl is sick today.
In between the vomiting I saw her pause and look up at the ceiling. It had begun to rain outside and she could hear the rain hitting the skylights above her. She was frozen as she listened to this sound. While watching her I got an idea. Ash has never seen it rain. She has never felt it rain. I decided that today would be the day. I grabbed her backpack and swooped her up in my arms. I placed a mask on her face and grabbed an umbrella and we went outside to experience the storm together. As I watched her eyes light up I tried to imagine what it must feel like to see, hear, feel, and smell a spring rain for the first time. She was enthralled. The breeze was blowing the rain drops up under our umbrella and it was hitting our skin. The smell in the air was so clean. The sound was magnificent as the raindrops hit the top of our umbrella. She was so happy taking it all in. We watched some squirrels running about, and then our eyes fell upon a cardinal playing and bathing in a puddle. How wonderful I thought. I decided it had been way too many years since I had splashed in a puddle so I rolled up my jeans and kicked off my flip flops and away we went. Since Ash couldn't splash for herself I splashed for us both. It was so much fun. I know it sounds so silly, but it was a moment, a memory, that I will cherish forever.
We went in for a little while and then ventured back outside once the storm had ended. This time Ash was laying in her stroller and we went for a walk. After a while I began to hear her coo and make the sweetest noises. I wondered what she was talking about. What could she see that I was missing? I decided to look at the world from her view point. As I laid down on my back I too wanted to begin cooing. The world was so beautiful! All Ash could see was a canopy of trees with their branches blowing in the breeze, a blue sky filled with puffy, white clouds and a few birds flying above. What a wonderful way to see the world. It was so relaxing to lay there and talk to her. I could feel all my stress and all of my worry fading as I became thankful for the moment I was living. Just me and Ash. Outside in the country. Doing nothing important. Just enjoying what God gave us to enjoy everyday.
Today the rain that fell into our lives was nothing short of a blessing. One of the biggest I have had in a few days. I am so grateful to be her mom and to be the one experiencing life along with her. Without her I would have missed out on so much today. It truly is a blessed life I am living.