Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

3/27/2007

Into Every Life a little Rain must fall...

and today it fell into Ashley's. What a rough day my little one is having. She is so very nauseated and is vomiting with every movement. My heart aches for her because she feels so weak. Her white count has been depleted and she just feels so crummy. I spoke with our pastor this morning and he tried to describe to me how bad it feels to have no white count and to be going through chemo. I wish I could understand it better, but I have no experience with it firsthand. All I know is that my sweet girl is sick today.

In between the vomiting I saw her pause and look up at the ceiling. It had begun to rain outside and she could hear the rain hitting the skylights above her. She was frozen as she listened to this sound. While watching her I got an idea. Ash has never seen it rain. She has never felt it rain. I decided that today would be the day. I grabbed her backpack and swooped her up in my arms. I placed a mask on her face and grabbed an umbrella and we went outside to experience the storm together. As I watched her eyes light up I tried to imagine what it must feel like to see, hear, feel, and smell a spring rain for the first time. She was enthralled. The breeze was blowing the rain drops up under our umbrella and it was hitting our skin. The smell in the air was so clean. The sound was magnificent as the raindrops hit the top of our umbrella. She was so happy taking it all in. We watched some squirrels running about, and then our eyes fell upon a cardinal playing and bathing in a puddle. How wonderful I thought. I decided it had been way too many years since I had splashed in a puddle so I rolled up my jeans and kicked off my flip flops and away we went. Since Ash couldn't splash for herself I splashed for us both. It was so much fun. I know it sounds so silly, but it was a moment, a memory, that I will cherish forever.

We went in for a little while and then ventured back outside once the storm had ended. This time Ash was laying in her stroller and we went for a walk. After a while I began to hear her coo and make the sweetest noises. I wondered what she was talking about. What could she see that I was missing? I decided to look at the world from her view point. As I laid down on my back I too wanted to begin cooing. The world was so beautiful! All Ash could see was a canopy of trees with their branches blowing in the breeze, a blue sky filled with puffy, white clouds and a few birds flying above. What a wonderful way to see the world. It was so relaxing to lay there and talk to her. I could feel all my stress and all of my worry fading as I became thankful for the moment I was living. Just me and Ash. Outside in the country. Doing nothing important. Just enjoying what God gave us to enjoy everyday.

Today the rain that fell into our lives was nothing short of a blessing. One of the biggest I have had in a few days. I am so grateful to be her mom and to be the one experiencing life along with her. Without her I would have missed out on so much today. It truly is a blessed life I am living.

13 Comments:

At 6:21 PM , Blogger Mayhem & Miracles said...

Last weekend, Seth helped me set up the trampoline and later Morgan and I just laid on it and looked up at that same view, talking, for a good half hour or more. I too, knew it was a memory I was going to hold forever. There's just something about that view, unobstructed by anything but what God made, and sharing it with someone special, that is absolutely miraculous. I am glad you had that moment with Ashley. And what a special milestone for her to see His rain! I am so sorry she feels so yucky! I was in bed all day today just trying not to throw up and as miserable as my whiny self felt, I know she goes through so much more. I will pray for her tonight and be thankful for my usual health as she fills my thoughts. Lord, God, thank you for the trees, for the rain, for family to share life with, for caretakers who help us when we're down, for "first times", and for prayer to say it all. Please touch Ashley tonight and settle her belly, Lord, if You will. Thank you for the coos that she manages through all she endures. Please bless her entire evening, Lord, with wonder at all You have made. In the name of our PRECIOUS savior, Jesus Christ. Amen

 
At 6:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Rain really is a blessing. It cleans the air and makes things smell so good! I am so glad that you got to experience today with that little precious pickle you have been blesed with. Many people complain about rain! I am so glad you put it into perspective for us that get rained on 3/4 of the year. Never again will I complain about rain. When I see rain now, I will think about Trish and Ashley and the precious moments they had together. Ashley's first experience with rain and how beautiful it truly is. Thank you for putting life into perspective for me today. I truly appreciate you!

I love you and your precious family!

Shari

 
At 7:41 PM , Anonymous Angela in Austin said...

You are such an amazing women...
A Fabulous mother! Thank you so much for sharing Ashley with us! Its a blessing each day for me to read your words! Praying she is feeling better soon!

 
At 7:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish-I came back to re-read your message for today. I feel badly about the fact I forgot to address how Ashley is feeling today. The poor little pickle. I pray her little belly settles soon and she can rest with no vomitting. Lord, please help Ashley's tummy to settle and calm tonight. Thank you for her and her Mommy. Please bless them with good rest and thank You for Your grace in helping them through yet, another special day. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Shari

 
At 8:12 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

I am so sorry Ash is feeling yucky today...I am also so glad you got the opportunity to play in the rain with her! That is one of my favorite things to do!!! I too ended up feeling terrible this week...it is so hard to imagine how Ash must be feeling during this time. My little bout with flu did not make me happy...her smiling through all of this is so amazing! Love and hugs from TN.

 
At 8:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Though Ashley's is down physically, I can tell she's up in many other ways. What an awesome memory to cherish!!! Bless the Lord for giving it to you both~

Still praying for all of you!

 
At 8:50 PM , Blogger cindy/barron said...

praying Ashley is getting over her nausea

 
At 9:05 PM , Blogger Ivey Elizabeth Sirmans said...

Last fall I took Ivey out in the rain just so she could smell it and feel it. The neighbors probably thought I was nuts. She was a very unhappy baby back then. It calmed her instantly-very soothing. It sounds like it relaxed you too. She probably sensed that. Sounds like a good cleansing of the souls. Hope tomorrow is better.
Gwen

 
At 9:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

How great you got her out in the rain!! I am so happy you do things like this with her without the fear of "sickness" from the rain! I know God's rain must have been very healing for her. You write so beautifully. Praying for her to feel better soon.

 
At 9:34 PM , Blogger ManyBlessings said...

I have lurked on your blog for a long time and need to post tonight.

I have prayed with you and laughed with you and cried with you. Today your words brought me to my knees. How humbling to see you write through the eyes of your precious daughter.

May God continue to bless you as He has done. You have touched so many lives.

dawnz
www.prayingthemhome.blogspot.com

 
At 9:52 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

You must've gotten the rain we had yesterday--Addie and I stood at the front door and watched it for a long, long time. If it weren't for her RSV I would've taken her out in it! Instead we were ALL stuck indoors, and the walls were already closing in by 9 a.m. :)

I'm praying for your sweet girl tonight, that she'll pass over this yuckiness and start feeling better soon!!

 
At 4:50 AM , Blogger Alison said...

I am tearful as I celebrate the joy of the world through a childs eyes with you. What a special day even if the precious girl was feeling so very miserable!

 
At 1:34 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

What an awesome experience in the midst of troubles! God is a wonder, isn't He? Praying Ashley feels better soon. How amazing she is!

 

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