Remembering The Gift

Seven months ago tonight I tucked our little gherkin into her crib and laid down next to Dave. I listened to her toss and turn for a while. She was so restless. I couldn't figure out why. I listened to her fuss and cry for a while. She eventually drifted into a very light sleep.

"Dave?"
"Are you still awake?"
"Huh-uh", he said.
"Dave, do you think she will ever get organs?"
"Uh-huh. I think she will."

I didn't believe him. Later he would share with me that he didn't believe himself either. I think the only one that knew God was at work at that very moment was our Ashley. She new something was up. Her behavior that night was so different from her norm. She never fell completely asleep. I listened to her the entire night and I prayed for more time not knowing if we would get it.

During those very moments another family somewhere was experiencing their worst nightmare. I was praying mine wouldn't come true and they were living theirs. How unfair it is. I have tried many, many times to come up with an explanation for Blake and Allison. "Why does another baby have to die so ours can live?" they ask. Even after all these months I still don't know what to say. I don't know if I ever will. All I can say is that this very special family gave us a gift that night. They thought of others when their heart were breaking. They were selfless and because of that our Ashley lives. She smiles. She laughs. She giggles. She plays. She does all the things that our precious donor no longer does except through her. As I held her in my arms tonight and told her, "Ashley, mommy loves you." she smiled and reached up to touch my lips. Their was a twinkle in her eyes and I stared into her face and thought of how she is now made up of two little lives. Hers and her donors. She carries inside of her a gift. A priceless gift
that I had no way of obtaining for her. Trust me, if I could have given it to her I would have. There was nothing in my power that could provide it to her. Only the Father could provide and He did.

Tonight I don't know if I will sleep. I always have a hard time sleeping on this night. I remember what it felt like to wait. I remember how it felt to know that she was slipping away from us. I remember the nightmares I used to have. I remember our donor family and I pray for them, and for their hearts to be comforted as they endure another month without their little one. How brave their child was. How brave they were. How loved they are by us.

Seven months ago tonight I had no idea our journey would take a turn towards giving her life. I had no idea the phone would ring and we would step out in faith and place her into His hands. I had no idea what we would face. I only knew that Ash was different that night and I wondered what was going on inside of her. Now I know.

Please remember to lift up our donor family in prayer. Without their gift Ashley's story would have ended by now. They are such a part of who she is and what He plans to do with her life. Thank you for caring and for loving our sweet Ashley Kate. You will never know the depth of my gratitude. Good night. Trish