Parenting is tough

Tonight I find myself struggling. Trust me this has nothing to do with the earlier posts about looking for something in"God's Ballpark" concerning my son or the decision to allow Ashley to live by giving her a transplant that caused her to have cancer and suffering. I can't even entertain that anymore.

My Allison has earned the right to represent her class at the Math Olympics in Plano tomorrow. This is something we are so proud of her for. She is a very good student and she works hard at it. What a privelage it is to go. I have been planning on attending with her since returning home from Omaha. She is thrilled that I am going with her. I have missed every class party, every field trip, and every important third grade happening this year. I don't want to miss this.

My dilemma is that our Ashley is still sick and we really think she will have to be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. She is not getting over this cough and cold and tonight she has started to spike a temperature. As soon as it hits 101 then she must go for an automatic 48 hour stay while we draw cultures from her line. I tried very hard last week to get someone, anyone to make a decision about what to do with her last week. Finally on Friday afternoon the transplant coordinator told me I could use some over the counter meds. These have helped her to cough up some mucus and to sleep, but other than that she is still the same. The problem is that Ash has a central line and the temp could be related to an infection in the line which could go into the blood stream very quickly and become dangerous for her. I think the cultures are necessary to rule out the possibility of an infection, but I am still praying that it is just related to her cough and cold.

Tomorrow we have decided (although I am sure there will be many who disagree) that it is too important to Allison for me to miss her event. She needs to know how very important she is and how very proud we are of her for this accomplishment. Ash can't go. She can not be around groups of people so she must stay here. I am having a hard time knowing that I will be driving off at 4:30 in the morning and not returning to her until 5:00p.m tomorrow evening. My heart is torn between my two girls who are both equally loved and equally important to us. This is when parenting gets hard. They both need and require attention at the same time and this makes for a tough decision.

I would really appreciate your prayers tonight and tomorrow. Please pray for me to be able to show my excitement and give our Allison the much needed and deserved time with mom, but also pray for my Ashley to be safe until I return. I trust her daddy and her grandma's to take good care of her, but it is a very difficult thing for me to leave town without her. I pray that her fever goes away. I pray that her blood is clear of infection. I pray for her cough to disappear. I pray that He holds her close while I am out of town for the day.

I almost hesitate to even post, but I depend so much on those of you who specifically pray for our baby gherkin. I know I will be judged, disagreed with, and probably reprimanded for this decision by some, but your prayers are worth all of that. One sincere prayer on her behalf is worth so much to me. Thank you for your continued presence and encouragement and support. I love you guys for loving her and for loving HIM. Good night and God Bless. Trish