Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

4/19/2007

Waiting, but not by Myself

So many times throughout her life I have been forced to sit and wait. Things that I had no way to accomplish in my own time, my own way, or with my own power. Waiting has been hard, but each and every wait has brought blessing. Sometimes the blessing has come from brokeness. Whether it be her broken body, my broken will, my broken spirit, or my broken heart. Other times blessings have come from no where. No expectation. No foresight. No warning. Just blessings because of His love for her or for us.

Once again I find myself waiting today. Waiting for her to feel better. Waiting for direction from her doctors. Waiting for answers or solutions to helping her begin to feel like herself again. I have held her all day and I have waited. She feels so yucky. Her local doctor called to tell me her white count had fallen even farther today. It is now a .7. It is so frightening to see her this way. I know she is vulnerable to each and ever germ that comes her way. She continues to be so weak that she can't stay awake. Her cough wakes her as she tries to rest and then she begins to fuss. I eventually laid her in her stroller and pushed her into the bathroom this afternoon so I could jump in the shower before picking up the kids.

Its been a hard day. Harder than most, but not as hard as some have been. I continue to pray for her as I hold her. The good part about having to stay so still all day as I hold her is that it gives me lots of time to talk to God. I have been able to pray about things that I do not understand. Things that seem to have no solution. Things that I know in my heart He has all worked out for us, but that I can't seem to figure out. Somewhere in the middle of all this He decided to once again bring us a blessing. One of those that we never saw coming, but only He knew we desperately needed. I love that about Him. I love that He can feel the burden on my heart(one that I have not shared with anyone else) and lay it on another's heart(someone I have never even met) and in only His way He brings the two together to bless both. Only God can do things like that. So let me say Thank you. To the Father and to the one who allowed Him to use you today.

I continue to wait to see what we will do with our Ashley. Will they call and ask us to bring her to the hospital? Will they call and tell us to wait it out some more? Will they decide on a medicine that might help her recover from this? I have no idea what they will all decide. I only know that I am getting pretty good at this waiting thing, and I am learning that as long as I don't sit and wait alone He can do some pretty amazing things.

4 Comments:

At 6:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!

 
At 6:35 PM , Anonymous Susan Shelton said...

My heart is constantly convicted, blessed and encouraged by your testimony of trusting our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He uses you and Ashley everyday to remind me how precious He is. Much love and prayers go out to you and your angel.

 
At 6:43 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I'm sorry she is feeling so miserable today. I hope that as you wait, not only does He minister to you, but that He brings some good answers. :)

 
At 10:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ashley, I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am thanking God for your accomplishment of clapping again! I am so changed by what God has done in your life. My children are changed and in small groups on Sunday night I got to share about you along with great examples in the Bible of obedience and faithfulness to God without question. Your parents area leaving a legacy of faith. We love you in chilly Ohio!! Colleen

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home