She doesn't Stand a Chance

O.k. so this is the reality of the situation we find our Ashley in. She doesn't stand a chance. It is almost certain that she will pick up something from somewhere and that is exactly what has happened to her this week. It doesn't matter that I have been overly protective of her and as careful as is possible with her. The world is saturated by germs and she has very little on board to defend herself from them. So what is a mom to do? Pray. That's what I do. I pray that this "little" cold doesn't go any further. I pray that the cough will disappear. I pray that she will wake up and feel like herself again. I pray that she will be able to breathe clear soon. I pray and pray and pray.

Ash still feels so bad. Her nose is stuffy. Her cough has moved into her chest. She has no energy. She can't stay awake. Her throat is sore and she looks scared. To be honest I am scared too. I keep asking how can I help her? The transplant coordinator gave me the go ahead to add a couple of over the counter meds to her schedule. I can't tell that they are really helping yet. I waited and waited for an answer from our pediatrician and oncologist, but it never came and now we are into the weekend and our only avenue for help will be the ER. I pray it doesn't come to that. Please, God let this all go away. Help her to wake up feeling strong and well. Please, please, please protect her tiny lungs from anything developing in them.

I feel helpless. The chemotherapy has basically rendered her helpless. Her white count is now lower than it has ever been and she has entered the nadir period. Her steroid has taken the place of her own adrenal system and I fear that the huge drop in the amount given during chemo to her normal dose has hurt her defense. I realize that I will have to get used to this, but I have witnessed her ability to breathe on her own slip away too many times to take it lightly. It makes me nervous when I see her struggle. Ashley's life(especially as we battle the cancer) will be a series of ups and downs. This week happens to be a "down".

In the overall picture I feel as though she has been very blessed to have been home this long without getting too sick. I know we have been hospitalized twice for cancer related issues, but I think that God has really protected her and given her some really great days. He has allowed her to laugh, to play, to go outside and feel the sun and the wind on her face. Today she got to watch a couple of butterflies "dance" from flower to flower. That was a blessing. She has enjoyed her time at home and we all have enjoyed being together for 5 weeks now. I think that is GREAT! God has been so faithful to our family and I am so thankful.

Dave and I took her for a walk tonight. She seems to be the happiest when she is outside. I love to watch the expression on her face as she encounters new sights and new sounds. Everything is interesting to her and I can see her little eyes trying to take it all in as we stroll along. It really is great to see the world through Ash's eyes. Oh, how I love this baby. She makes life better for us all.

Tonight if you think of our Ashley would you please pray that she might have what it takes to fight against this cold. I so appreciate each prayer that is sent to the Father on her behalf. I know He hears them and I see His hand working in her life daily. It is an amazing thing to be a part of. Thank you so much for choosing to come and love on our baby. Good night and God Bless. Trish