Blessed By His Hand
I have just completed my favorite part of my day, and my heart is full. Oh, how I love to kiss those beautiful heads and whisper how much I love them as they sleep. If they only knew the depth of what I feel for them. I am blessed by the very hand of God. It is His hand that created them. His hands that knew them before they were even knit together inside of me. His hand that gave these amazing children to me to love. My heart is full. I have no words to adequately describe the love that I feel for my Blake, my Allison, and my Ashley. Just think how much more He loves them than I do. It overwhelms me to try and understand the fullness of His love for each of us.
I know that parenting gives me the smallest of glimpses into the heart of the Father. I once listened to the words of a song that talked about Abraham and his son Isaac. It described the sacrifice that the Father was asking of Abraham and the walk that he took up the hill to the alter with his son. It was the words of the chorus that have remained with me all these years. The song said "I just wanted you to know exactly how it feels to watch your only son walk up that lonely hill." The Father was giving Abraham a glimpse into what it was for Him to see His son walk up the hill of Calvary. What a mental picture I have carried with me all of these years. Such love. Such pain. Such lonliness. Such sacrifice. When I think of what the Father and the Son went through for me it breaks me. How could I not love Him back?
There have been moments in my Ashley's story when the pain of losing her consumed me. It broke me to the inner most parts of my heart. I have pleaded with God many times for just one more breath, one more moment, one more hour, one more day. Even now as I think back to the day that she went into cardiac arrest I can physically feel the ache in my heart. Pain that deep does not fade. It is not easily forgotten. Knowing that my Father in heaven felt that pain as He watched His son walk that lonely hill and die for my selfish sins pains me just as great. He understands what it feels like to lose a child. He understands how lonely the thought of never seeing them again can be. It is this knowlege that carried me through those unsure days and nights.
Tonight it is by His very hand that I have been blessed. I was given another day with my sweet Ashley Kate. A day to laugh with her. A day to play with her. A day to rock with her. A day to enjoy with her. A day to place hundreds of kisses on those amazing cheeks. Let me always remember how precious her life is and what a blessing I have been given in this child. I never want to forget how blessed I have been by His hand.