I just came out of the shower and Dave called to let me know that Ashley's central line has clotted off. We had a scare the other day with it, but with much prayer and a little TPA it opened back up. I can't believe it has happened again. We need to keep this line! Dave and I are SO nervous when other people go in and out of her central line. We have tried to be understanding and allow the nurses to hook up her IV meds and flush the line without saying much, but it makes me very uncomfortable. We can't risk something going wrong with it anymore. If we are in charge of doing it then I know that any mistakes made with it will belong to us and I won't have to second guess others. I had REALLY hoped to be discharged today. We were only running the anti biotics and anti fungal for a "just in case" since her counts were so low and we were waiting for cultures to come back. Since they were clear then I really think we should have gone home this morning, I guess God had something different in mind and I just have to trust. I am so afraid of losing this central line. Ash has 7 more weeks of chemo therapy and we need to have a central line to run it into. Starting an IV on Ashley is very, very difficult, and I don't want to see her go through it over and over again. Ash is on her 4th of 6 sites that a central line can go in to. The only 2 remaining sites are in her groin area and we have avoided this placement at all costs. I believe it will be a great source of irritation for Ash causing her much discomfort , and it will be at great risk for infection in that area. If anyone is checking on her tonight please pray that it will open up in the next two hours before she loses it all together. Sometimes I find myself just wanting to scream about all that happens to her. I realize it would do no one any good for me to lose it at this point so I am trying to keep it together.
I had planned on crawling into bed next to my Blake and Allie so I could just be close to them as they slept and soak up every detail and feature of their faces. I know I won't be able to rest now and my mind will be in that hospital room until I get the call that all is well. My car is in the shop getting the damage repaired from last weeks trailor accident and I have no way of getting into town to the hospital. I am so tired and so frustrated. Please, please, let that line open up!
So sorry I sound frantric. I think I am just worn out. Its been such a long week and I just want to bring my Ashley back home. I had intended on writing about something totally different tonight, but I will save it for another day. I know that God allowed the line to run smoothly earlier this week, and I believe He can do it again. I just need to get back on my knees. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings. Your prayers would be so appreciated. Trish