A Good Day

My definition of a good day may not be the same as others, but to me another day with Ashley in it is a good day. I know many would consider me crazy when I say this was a good day even though it included a missing central line dressing, a hole in her tummy(that should have contained her g-tube), a pulled off ostomy bag, and a lost blood pressure patch. Let me just share with you that our Ashley has found each and every "extra" that is on her little body and she thinks they were all placed there to entertain her. All in all I think it was good because she survived and so did I. Dave and I managed to repair them all without so much as breaking a sweat! I would almost consider us pros by this point.

I have cried a little, but laughed a lot more. This definitely falls into the category of a good day. I am looking at my sweet baby girl and telling myself that all of "this" is just a bunch of nonsense, and I am trying to convince myself of that until someone finds proof that it is not. I do not want to waste another moment of her life fearing the unknown. I want to enjoy watching her live. So what did she do today? She went outside. She played. She napped. She laughed. She watched Blake play a little baseball. She watched the kids splash in the pool. She ate some squash, passed on the carrots, and then lost it all out of the open hole in her tummy after the g-tube was pulled out. Once we had it put back in and had her all cleaned up Blake said,"Mom, I think it would be a lot easier and would make less of a mess if we just pulled it out and put the spoons of food into that hole everyday." I think he may be right!

I found myself staring at her as she slept today. I admired all the things I love about her. Those eyelashes. Her LARGE, rosy cheeks. Her tiny pink lips. That pointy little chin. The dimples in her hands. The new rolls of chubby on those thighs. Her perfect little feet. The rise and fall of her chest as I watched her breathe. I love this baby. I love it all. Everyday of this life with her is a gift. Even though there are times when it feels as though it will literally break my heart in two, I would not give it up. Nothing can compare to the way it feels when she snuggles into me as I rock her to sleep, or to the sound of Blake's voice humming softly in her ear, or the smile on Allie's face as she reads her a book, or the sight of David praying over her tiny body.

So in my book today was a good day. It was another day with our Ashley. It was another day we were given to spend together. It was another day in Texas. It was another day filled with hope and with joy and with laughter. It was a good day. It was a gift.