Finding My Faith

Over the past couple of years I feel as though I am beginning to find my faith. I mean my real faith. I was raised in church and have been a believer for many, many years, but my faith has just recently been grown into what it is today. I don't pretend that I am "there" or that I have all the answers. I just know that as I continue to face a future that is unknown for my sweet Ashley Kate that I feel my faith in Who He really is growing. To say that it is easy would be a lie, because I don't believe that it is an easy thing to have real faith. The kind of faith that allows you to believe that no matter what He chooses to allow in your life or in the lives of your children, whatever He decides to do, or whatever He asks me to go through during this process is o.k. because He is God. Real faith in Him is what I am seeking. It is what I am choosing.

Tomorrow a sweet lady by the name of Heather will undergo brain surgery to have a tumor removed. I have never met her, but that doesn't matter. I follow along her blog at "especiallyheather". As I read her words I am inspired. I am inspired to continue. I am inspired to accept whatever He lays before our family with the knowledge that He is God and He is loving and He is just. Even when I wonder and I hurt and I am confused by what I see my Ashley going through. I don't know how to do anything other than what I am. I can't do this without Him and I don't even want to try. As I read the words that Heather writes on this day before she faces an unsure future my heart is touched by her beautiful and honest and uplifting faith. She has that faith, the real kind, the kind that says we will continue and we will go on and we will be stronger because of this because HE IS GOD and this is ALL for HIS glory.

Today I too say the same thing. I know I have said it before, but it is real to me again today. I don't know what my Ashley will become. I don't know what else she will be asked to endure. I don't know if she will ever be whole. I don't know if she will ever communicate. I don't know if she will ever walk. I don't know if this chemo is killing her cancer. I don't know a lot of things, but one thing I do know is that we must allow her life to reflect HIS glory. This all must be for HIS purpose and not mine. Again I must take a step back and look for His purpose and His will in this journey and allow my faith to become what it was always meant to be. Real. Unwavering. Strong.

Its been a hard day. For my Ashley and for her mommy to watch. Hard days are going to come, but so are the good ones. If we must endure some hard ones in order to have this beautiful little one in our lives then I am willing. It is my faith in Him and His plan for her life that keeps me going on days like today. Sometimes I wish I did know the answers, but in all reality I know it His wisdom that allows me not to know them. This is where real faith is built, and I don't want any other kinds.

Please, please pray for Heather and for her family tonight and tomorrow. I appreciate your willingness to lift up others because of your love for the Father. Ash and I will be leaving very early in the morning and will return tomorrow evening. I pray you too can find your faith and feel it growing in whatever circumstance you face tonight. Take care and God bless you. Trish