Trusting and Teaching
Last night our sweet Ashley Kate chose not to sleep through the night. It really has been a little unreal around here lately. She has adjusted to her crib and her nursery so very well that it is now out of the ordinary for her to not sleep through the night(I find this an amazing gift from the Father!). Anyway at sometime in the very wee morning hours she woke and fussed a little longer than normal. At first I thought I was dreaming, but then I realized the fussing was coming from the monitor next to my ear. I tiptoed in the girls room and changed, emptied, tucked, and kissed her good night again. Usually she smiles at me while her eyes are still closed tight and drifts back to sleep. Last night she continued her fussing after I had returned to bed. I listened for a while and then tagged Dave. He got up to "check" on her and before I knew it we had a baby gherkin laying between us in our bed(he is SO weak!) He drifted off to sleep and Ash continued to fuss. I lay there next to her and reached out to place my finger in her hand. After a minute or two she settled in and began to sleep. Thats all it took. "Amazing", I thought. Here she was "holding" onto my hand and trusting that the rest of her night would be ok. Even in the middle of a sleepless night she continues to teach me life lessons. As I lay there next to our miracle I began to pray. If only I would live my life in such a way that all it took was reaching out and holding onto His hand. Ashley trusts us. She knows she is safe with us. She doesn't trust anyone else around her. Only us. Last night her trust in me spoke volumes. The next time I am afraid, unsure, or unsettled there is only one hand that I need to reach for. Its the Father's. He is trustworthy and He is so capable of making everything ok. Just as her daddy and I are her safe place the Father is mine. Even in the middle of a sleepless night I can go to Him.
Ashley and I will be traveling to Omaha next week. I am not sure how we are getting there, but we are working on the details. Our flights have not been approved just yet, and I am not comfortable with traveling on a commercial flight with her. We may drive. If thats the case then we will start out on Sunday. Unfortunately Dave will not be going with us. So its just me and the pickle. Tuesday morning her CT will be done. Wednesday morning she will see Oncology. Thursday morning she will see Transplant, and Thursday afternoon they will pull her central line(obviously if her scans show growth in the remaining nodule then we will re-evaluate the removal in case we begin chemotherapy again). The removal of the line will be the roughest part for Ash. It has been there for more than six months so her body has grown around it. There is scar tissue adhered to it and its not much fun pulling it out. The procedure is routine and they do it all the time so even though there are risks, they are minimal. The unfortunate part of having the line removed is that her lab work will now be down peripheral. Lots and lots of needle sticks for her from then on out. This part of her life will require much prayer. Her nurse and I have already been making plans for just how we are going to get through this. Just another part of post transplant life we will have to adjust to.
School starts tomorrow. Our schedule's are full. Ash looks good. Life is busy and blessed. Now that summer is ending I find myself excited at the possibility of actually spending the fall and holiday seasons at home. It will be the first time in Ashley's life that we will all be together for this time of year. God has been so good to us. I'm still learning and growing daily through her life and our experiences with her. I pray that I always will. Thank you for remembering her in you prayers today. She has come such a long way. Take care. Trish