A wish your heart makes
Allie's been dreaming again. She seems to always be dreaming up something. Like the morning she woke up and declared "I will meet Cinderella someday, Mommy. I really will as soon as you take me where she lives I dreamed it." She dreamed it. She believed it with all of her heart, and she began telling everyone she met. Her teachers, her coaches, her grandparents, people in line at the grocery store, EVERYONE. One day as we were driving down the road she asked from the back seat, "Mommy, How much did this car cost?" I was caught a little off guard wondering why in the world my five year old would want to know something like that. It didn't take long for me to figure it out. "Umm, I'm not sure I remember."
"Oh, no. A lot more than a dollar," I told her.
"Ten dollars?" She said.
"How much more?"
"Thousands of dollars. I'm not sure how many."
Shocked and a little frustrated she proclaimed, "You could have taken me to see Cinderella lots of times with that much money if you wanted to."
Like I said, she dreamed it. She believed it. She set her heart on that meeting. Guess where she was in November of 2004? Thats right, Cinderella's castle. As she stood there in awe she whispered to me, "See mommy, she's right. Dreams really do come true."
Yesterday Allison shared another one of her dreams with me. As soon as she woke up she came in to ask me, "Is Ashley walking today?"
A little confused I turned to look at her and slowly said, "Noooo. Why?"
"I dreamed it. I saw her walking and jumping. She was walking around in our house. It was a really good dream. She was really happy. I was just wondering if she did it while I was still sleeping."
"No, Al. It didn't happen when you were still sleeping. I would have woke you up if it had. Maybe someday it will happen."
"I also had a dream about a giraffe. It was chasing me through some really tall grass, but I don't want to talk about it anymore." she said.
The part about the giraffe is a little confusing to me. I'm not sure what role that giraffe is going to play in Ashley or Allie's life, but if her heart keeps believing her baby sister will walk someday then I'm gong to keep believing it too. Her faith is strong. When mine waivers, and I start to wonder if we will be carrying our sweet Ashley Kate around on our hips when she is six, or seven,or ten then I try to remember how much Allie's heart wishes for Ash to walk and it encourages me to keep believing that she just might. Someday.
Its been an emotional day for me. Dave and I continue to work with our little pickle and her legs faithfully. Sometimes it seems as though something is missing. There is something somewhere in her that doesn't connect and remember to tell her to use her legs. As we work with her, we talk about all the possibilities. Its heartbreaking. I don't know if she will ever walk. I want so badly for her to have that ability. Its not within my power to give it to her, and as her mom it hurts. The thing that comforts my heart on days like today is knowing that He knows exactly what part isn't working right. He is not confused. I know He created her and He has plans for her life. If His perfect plan for her life does not include walking then I have to want that for her too.
Tonight our family is praying for her legs and for His will. I know my parents are praying that she might someday have the ability to walk. I know the kids are praying it too. Her daddy is praying it and so am I. Its just a wish our hearts are making and I know He cares about our wishes and dreams. If she never takes a step it will not change who she is to all of us. I would carry this sweet baby around every single day for the rest of my life if that is what He asked of me, and I would do it with a thankful heart.
Thank you for being here with us today, and thanks for listening and praying. You are loved and appreciated. Good night. Trish