Parenting all 3

At times like this it becomes very important for me to remember that I still need to take the time to parent all three of the children. As Ash's mommy I want to be the one who stays with her each and every moment that she struggles. I feel so torn when I am needing to be with her, but also needing to be with Blake and Allie. We try so hard to keep life as normal as possible for the older children even during Ash's tougher times. This week I have tried to make Blake and Al feel as though things will be ok and we will be back home with Ashley Kate soon.

Tonight we went out to dinner with Blake and Al while grandma sat with Ash. After dinner we took them to the hospital to see Ash. She was sleeping when we arrived, but unfortunately it didn't last more than a moment. She began groaning and struggling. Immediately Blake was concerned and very nervous about being there. He stood by her crib trying to soothe her, but her tummy hurts too much to be soothed. She thrashes around the crib and kicks her feet trying to make the cramping stop. The kids were scared and so I brought them back home. Dave is staying with Ashley Kate and I am going to try and stay home tonight. I tucked the kids into bed and spent time listening to them tell me all about their day. They are ready for Ash to come home. The house is too clean without her pallet of toys scattered in the living room and it is way too quiet. I am hoping Ash has a peaceful night. I can't imagine going through a repeat of last night. She is so tired and she really needs to rest. I'm only a few blocks away from the hospital so if I can't sleep and if I start to worry then I will run down to switch places with Dave. My biggest concern is him staying awake to help her when she throws up. I usually stay awake and just listen to her breathe while she is sick, and I am not sure he will be able to stay awake after working all day. I keep hearing her cry, but I know she's not here. I imagine she is tucked in next to her dad already.

Ash has had a really tough time with the vomiting today and she has maintained a fever for most of the day. That has been the most concerning. The good parts of today is that her ostomy output has slowed. I am encouraged by that. High output is a sign of rejection so knowing that it is going in the right direction gives me peace. She also continued peeing. That is very encouraging. She only had one dose of Lasix, but was able to maintain kidney function. Her new IV site is very sore and bothersome to her, but it has held all day. She is trying to pull it out of her arm so I kept a blanket wrapped around it for most of today. I'm praying it lasts until we bring her home so she doesn't have to through it again.

I really am tired so the idea of sleeping sounds so good to me. I hope that I can. More importantly I hope my sweet Ashley can. If I make it through the night then I will take Blake and Al to school in the morning and then relieve Dave at the hospital. That is the plan as long as all goes well. Your support continues to touch my heart. Thank you for praying. She's a pretty tough pickle. Good night. Trish