... this is a crazy way to live! We are on day 30 of this current hospital stay and I would like to say that I think it is going to be ok. I know it seems as though we are on this unpredictable path that takes us on extreme highs and lows, but I really think we are going to be ok.
Ash looks better today. We have successfully removed around 520ccs of fluid off of her left lung. When you divide that out you may be as shocked as I was to learn that it equals a little more than 17 fluid ounces. Yikes! thats more than a diet coke sitting on my baby's left lung. No wonder she is struggling to breathe. Her chest x-ray looks better today and we hope to be able to remove her drain by tomorrow. I also hope to be moving back up to the floor tomorrow. They make no promises around here, but as long as her lung is no longer compromised we should be safe to live up stairs. She continues needing oxygen support, but I hope that doesn't last for too much longer. We have a CT scheduled for Thursday to check on the bowel. By the weekend we would like to have a plan of action concerning feedings.
I know we are having ups and downs. I know our emotions are all over the place. Some days I struggle to breathe along with Ash, and on others I feel like the turn around is coming. All I can say is that its tough to watch her go through all she does, but the joy that accompanies the good days is so complete. I know God gave her this spirit of joy and it spills out onto all of us. To know Ash on the good days and to watch her learn and accomplish more and more is indescribable. It feels just as huge as the hurt we experience for her on the bad. All of life is a give and take. He did not promise us this life would be easy. He was honest with us and told us we would have struggles and hurts and disappointments. What He did promise is that we would not have to endure them by ourselves. I have learned just how close He can feel when I need Him and just how far He can seem when I don't look for Him.
I wouldn't trade places with anyone. She is an amazing little person and I love her more than I can express. What a gift I was given the day He picked me to be her mom. Its going to be a good day. I can just feel it.