Hope

I'm sitting awake helping my sweet Ashley Kate as she struggles once again through a difficult night. Her little body trembles as she fights severe nausea. With every movement she begins a series of retching and vomiting. It is so so sad. I can see how very tired she is and she looks at me so confused. Her fever remains around 100.2. High enough to make her feel yucky, but too low to warrant a culture. I have her uncovered, lying with a cool towel on her face and she breathes heavy under the weight of much fluid. Just another night for Ash, but underneath the struggle we have hope.

How beautiful to hear the light hearted sound of her daddy's voice tonight. For the first time in over 3 weeks I could hear the joy hiding behind his concern. "That is the best thing you could have ever said to me!" This was his response this afternoon as he slipped out of the conference to take my call. I know he must cringe every time he looks and sees my number. Never knowing what news awaits him as he calls me back. Tonight I could hear the hope and joy that he had been given with those two words. No Rejection. In a transplant family's life there is no greater statement. "You have just won the lottery!" couldn't compare. In a way we did just win. We won more time with Ashley Kate. Nothing could be sweeter than knowing that we now have the hope of returning with our littlest one to our home with Blake and Allison.

"Kiss her and tell her how much her dad loves her." These were his final words tonight. "Trish, just make sure she knows, OK?" So as I lay my head next to hers and she pleads for help with those amazing eyes, I kiss her forehead and say, "Do you even know how very loved you are? Your daddy loves you. Your mommy loves you. Your Blake and Allie love you. The world loves you. Jesus loves you." She just looks at me. I wonder if she understands? What must she be thinking?

Although she is feeling so yucky I still have this hope hiding deep in my heart. Its like I'm hiding this great secret from her. I want to tell her that God has so much more in store for her life, but tonight is not the right time. tonight I'll just stay close to her and clean her up and comfort her the best that I can, and maybe tomorrow she will feel like listening. We have hope again. Hope for her tomorrow. Hope for the next tomorrow and the next and the next. We hope for her future once again. What a gift! Oh,I know the road ahead is still long, but knowing things are looking up for her makes us want to run that road and never look back.

Hope. Its a beautiful thing. God gave this mommy and daddy a gift today. I have no idea how many tomorrow's He will grant us with this tiny pickle, but just knowing that we made it through another day is enough for now.

"Be of good courage and He shall strengthen you heart, all ye that HOPE in the Lord."

Psalm 31 :24