Teaching

This morning I am reminded that the Father is still teaching me though Ashley Kate's life. What a reminder He has given me as I have been given the opportunity to share parts of her story from the very beginning this morning.

As I was sharing I felt such peace and amazement still at the wonderful works He has done. We have a student nurse this morning who is being taught. I only agree to observation with students. I want them to have the opportunity to learn, but I don't want Ashley to ever be at risk so I agree to allow them to come in and observe but not be hands on. Agree or not that is the compromise Dave and I are comfortable with. Anyway, one thing led to another this morning and the student asked me if I would share how Ashley became ours. ( Let me just share that the fact that so many people are privy to Ash's birth history when it is no longer relevant to her care is an area that the Lord is having to work on in our parental hearts. Our goal is for Ashley Kate to grow up in our community and not be faced with information that she is not ready to hear or to be told things that as a family we had not been comfortable sharing with her yet. We would like for charts to reflect only what is currently an issue and in our opinion her birth history does not need to be relayed two years later to the nurse caring for her that particular day. You would not believe the comments made to me, questions asked of me, or situations I have to deal with because of this manner of sharing, but that is beside the point.) The goal of this post is to share with you the lesson God had for me this morning after a difficult night of struggle.

As I began to share the parts of her story that God laid on my heart what healing I felt taking place in the heart of this mommy. I love to share the love of Christ with others that spills out when I tell of our little one's journey. No life has not been easy, and yes Ash has fought battle after battle, but the Father's hand has been evident every single day of her life. To be reminded that He is still here with her and with me was so beautiful. Loving Ashley allows me to love others in ways I never knew I could. I look at people with different eyes. I feel compassion for people I have never met. I drive down the street and instantly feel compelled to love those on the side of the road or those who I might have never "seen" before the birth of my daughter. Her life has removed selfish blinders that once covered my eyes. I love people because Christ loves them and that is reason enough for me to go out of my way to show them His love. How humbling it is to have the opportunity to share her story with strangers. We instantly connect and I can love them for who they are and where they are in that moment with no blinders, no judgements, no restrictions. This is who I am since the birth of my youngest daughter because of His work in my life.

Yesterday was hard. I have promised to not lie about the ups and downs in this journal. It is a record of her life and how we live it day to day, but it is also a record of His work and His presence in the life of our family. I had a good cry with Dave last night. I poured my heart out to my best friend, and in the end it was decided that we know where she can go and we will do our best to get her there once again. As a mommy my heart hurts in this situation, but as a believer I cling to the hope that He gives. Up and downs are going to come. The lessons are always going to be there. Looking for them and applying them is the key to the growth He has in store for our family.

Our student nurse is here today to be taught, but it is I who learned the most from her presence in our room. God used the opportunity of sharing Ash's story with one more person to teach me that He is still in control and I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Thank you for understanding even during the harder posts of this journal and for continuing to pray for us and to love us. What a role you play in His plan for our sweet Ashley Kate. I am humbled at the choice you have made to be a part of this record, this journal, this story that involves the hand of the Creator in my baby's life. Thank you. Trish