Definitely Different

Today's ileoscopy was definitely different than any other we have ever had. All of Ash's scopes have been done in the ICU, but today we were taken to the GI lab. The anesthesiologist were there and they put Ashley asleep which we generally do not do. Things were just different, not bad only different. We went to recovery for a while until she woke up and now we are in our new room.

Our GI doctor told me the bowel was "angry". He didn't have to tell me. I already knew things were not looking good. Usually I see pink, healthy tissue all the way through the "tunnel"(that's my term not theirs). Today I saw very little pink, healthy tissue. The tissue was gray in places, a yellow color in others. Things are definitely different inside that organ. It is not the beautiful bowel I am used to seeing. I could feel a panic coming over me as we "explored" the graft for biopsy spots. I know things don't look good. We did see a couple of areas where some regeneration was attempting to take place so I am going to try and be encouraged. The only choice we have at this point is to wait. We wait for pathology to give a report on the biopsies and we wait to see if Ashley Kate's transplanted bowel will recover and function again.

I am nervous about all that is happening. I think she looks much better. She is awake and she is attempting to play. She actually grinned at me for the first time in 3 weeks. It was small and not very convincing, but it was there. She is very stable and for this I am thankful, but there is something wrong with what I saw on that screen this afternoon. We may be here a while.

Ash is requiring another blood transfusion. That will make the 4th or 5th one. I can't remember for sure. As soon as it is finished which will be another 3 hours we will begin an IVIG infusion. This is a blood product as well. Immunoglobulins to support her immune system. The best I can figure out from listening this morning we ran Ash's immunosuppresion very low this whole time because of the tumors and her chemotherapy and as a result she has slipped over the line into rejection. Now we battle back for as long as her bowel will battle. All the while praying that is recovers and that it remains a mild case of rejection.

We are trying to settle in to our new room. The new room number is 6474. Still figuring out where things go and how the unit works. We do have a little more space, but less storage. The most important thing is that we brought our air freshener and it is already starting to smell like home. The "Office" is up and running and now I am trying to decide where to put the bedroom. The biggest perk is that we are allowed to use our bathroom and shower. What a blessing!

I realize this post is long and I am rambling. I tend to do that when I am nervous and I am definitely nervous about all I just saw. Tomorrow's results can't come to soon for me. I function better with a plan. Obviously I am still being taught the lesson of letting go and just allowing God to do what He is going to do.