If I had known...
I would have done things differently.
I would have lingered longer in their doorways.
I would have spent more time just playing.
I would have taken Ash more places.
I would have laughed a lot harder.
I would have listened to them talk forever.
I would have hugged them a million times more.
I would have stayed awake all night visiting with Dave.
I would have gone out on more dates.
I would have had mine and Al's nails done.
I would have watched Pirates 3 a thousand more times with my son.
I would have hugged my mom and told her how much I appreciate all that she does.
I would have held onto Dave's hand and been reluctant to let it go.
I would have rubbed their feet every night not just after their games.
I would have told them how much I love them over and over and over again.
I would have insisted on going away for the weekend with just the two of us.
I would have cuddled longer on the couch with my kids.
I would have let them get Ashley Kate up from her crib whenever she fussed about going down for her naps.
I would have tried harder to lose the weight I had put on during my last hospital vacation.
I would not take even one minute of life at home together for granted and I would have never been so naive.
I would have tried to prepare my kids for the possibility of us leaving again.
I would have prayed harder for her protection from rejection.
I would have done things differently.
It has been a rough day. The tears have not stopped. I hurt for Ashley Kate and I hurt for Blake and I hurt for Al. I wanted to be the one to fix Allie's hair this year for school pictures and I wanted to be there to help Blake with his castle project.
Ash has finally stopped growling and has closed her eyes for the first time in 30 something hours. We have struggled through today and although I am thankful God gave us another day together I am glad this one is ending. I long for the day when they tell us we can go home and be a family again. Goodnight and God bless. Sneak into their rooms and kiss your children an extra time for me tonight. Trish
posted by Ashley @ 9:14 PM
44 Comments:
Hang in there.
Still praying.
Beth
Bless you. I hope you sleep well tonight, and your little angel does, too. And I pray God will "sneak in" and touch her and make her better.
Really, of course, He's never left. Sweet rest to you both.
Bless your heart - I will pray! Sunshine
prayers prayers prayers.
love love love.
jan431
I struggling for the right words....Casting Crowns does such an amazing job....
You’re holding her hand, you’re straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She’s looking to you
Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus
We'll stay by your side and pray you through....Much love and prayers.
Thank you for letting us love you guys. Blake and Allie must be learning so much about love and loyalty and commitment from you and Dave. Our church is doing a "40 days of prayer" program. This week is intercessory prayer. All 5 of you are on my daily (well, really MUCH more often than that) prayer list for your specific needs right now. When I was in college and particularly sad one day, I took great comfort in snuggling up under my "Jesus blanket". It was a tangible way to remind myself that He is RIGHT with me, struggles or not.
Praying you have a restful night and a good day tomorrow, know so many are praying for healing and for you to go home soon. God bless you Trish, you are an amazing inspiration to me.
I am so sorry to read about your rough day. It brings tears to my eyes to know how hard this is for all of you. This post came just as I was going to comment on this morning's post (which also brought tears because it was so sweet in how thankful you are for all the little things...your room does look quite "homey" for a hospital room). Praying for you tonight that there will be rest and healing. Praying that tomorrow is much better than today.
You are such an awesome person Trish!! You amaze me every day! Your endurance is unreal! Your Faith in our Good Lord above is absolutely commendable. I pray every single day for ya'll. You inspire me! I thank you so much for that! Even on your bad days!! Although I would love to see you and Ash go home very soon! Hang in there Trish...YES, you ARE very Blessed. No doubt about that! You are blessed with the Faith of our Lord. Nothing can ever change that!
You are just so strong...please hang in there....I wish there was something more I could offer you...something I could do to make everything all better. I do know this...nothing lasts forever...so that means you and Ashley will not be there forever!! You WILL go home! Please just hang in there....one minute at a time! I have been reading this blog for over a year now and I feel like you are part of my family...I hurt when you do...I hurt when Ashley does....I can feel your pain even though i have never experienced what you are going through I know that it MUST be very difficult...I am also a mom...I am very touched by the love you have for the Lord and for your family. I know in my heart that everything will be okay and your family will reunite again soon!
hang in there xxoo
If all of us had known...we all probably would have done things differently...but then knowing all would make us God/Creator, wouldn't it? Only God/Creator knows all and the rest is for us to discover. For it is then, and only then, during discovery, that you realize who is in control...not us but God/Creator. We do not own anything in life and all that it entails, we simply rent it for as long as the Creator/God leases it to us. Let yourself go, cherish these moments, happy or sad, and allow life to happen naturally no matter how painful it may be or what the outcome is. To say that you've laughed, had joy, had disappointment, loved, cried, and survived is to say that you've truly lived life to the fullest. Know that you will survive this too. Always wishing you, Baby Ashley and your family absolute peace.
Thanks for the tour....(= I remember rooms similar to that when we were in Dallas. (I know you have had to endure much more than I ....I pray for HIS will but my hearts desire is for you to be able to return home as soon as possible with a healthier Ashley who has a bowel that survived the rejection....that has begun to function & pink up. Oh how I pray ....) You are such an awesome mom ...to 3 beautiful children...Your testimony & Faith are amazing. Praying for your family Grandparents & all.....
Trish,
Is there a way we can donate blood to Ashley's "account"? If so, please let us know how.
Also, please verify the zip code for the Omaha address, as it is different from what you originally posted. We don't want to delay your mail!!!
Thank you for the continued blessings you give to us in your strength and faith. You help us grow, as well as helping us pray. Praying for your family is such an honor.
Sweet dreams, dear lady. You and your family are blanketed in prayer
--ML
You did the best you could with what knowledge you had for each minute. Here on earth, that's all any of us can do.
That's all anyone asks of you.
That's all your Heavenly Father requires of you.
d
Trish, I can feel the hurt you are feeling tonight and I hurt right along with you. How I wish this time was past, but God has a reason for it all. Perhaps part of the reason is because of a sweet Jewish girl named Michelle. I mentioned the other night that I know we are to be salt and light to the world and through Ashley's story and all you and her and the family are having to endure, lives are being touched and we are getting the opportunity and priviledge to pray for Michelle and her precious mother who has lukemia. It was such a blessing to me tonight to share that prayer request with my church family and now have many others praying for Michelle and her mom and it's all because you are being obedient to our Father in Heaven and expressing your praises to Him even during the worst of times. Trish, please hang in there and know that there are so many of us that love you and are praying you through. God is merciful and He is good and HE WILL SEE YOU AND ASHLEY AND DAVID AND BLAKE AND ALLIE THROUGH THIS. He has promised to "never leave us nor forsake us". I pray you feel His very presence with you tonight as He holds you in His arms and rocks you to sleep. Sweet Ashley, Grandma prays you are able to rest and feel better. I love you with all my heart and I miss you so so much! I'm still praying for your little body to heal and don't ever forget that Jesus loves you - the Bible tells us so! I hope I get to sing that song to you again very, very soon. Grandma
Oh Trish I am so sad that you are hurting so much. You and your kids and husband and family are strong and God will see you through all of this. Allie and Blake are special kids and they are resilient and you will all be refined through this process. God has great plans for you. I pray you can have a restful night and that you will feel His presence with you. Take care my friend,
Lou Ann
I am praying, Trish. I know that there will be days like today, but then tomorrow is new...and I'm praying for a miracle in the night and for tomorrow to lead to the road to recovery for Ashley...and home so much sooner that the doctor's jaws just fall open with surprise!
With love and prayers,
Holly
PS I will be off line a few days, but Ashley and your family will be never out of my thoughts and prayers...just one of so very many praying for you...and God hears. And I believe He wants you to know that He is Near and Healing Ashley.
May God comfort and embrace you, Trish. You are an amazing mother. Amazing. God be with you and your family.
love, gretchen
Trish,
In this time when things are so very hard for you and your family, I want to commend you for remaining strong. You are an inspiration to me and there was a special thing that happened when I first met you and Ashley. I wanted to let you know that I have taken placement of 15-month-old twins (I've had them for 7 weeks now). I saw how much Ashley has meant to your entire family and how blessed she is to have a family that will make these sacrifices for her. Imagine the day that you will have the priveledge of throwing down a crown before the feet of the Lord for the love and service that you have provided to her (unto the Lord). Your sacrifice is like sweet incense to the Lord (and I know that she rewards you with her love every moment). You have shown us that family ties go much deeper than genetics. Thanks for being an inspiration to me to open my home and heart to these babies. You will never know in how many ways your life-testimony brings glory to God. And for you and your family, God is the God of all comfort. . . . may He comfort each of you tonight!
Trish, honey don't beat yourself up. You are a great mom and wife and you are tired, I know. It is grueling being by yourself with a sick baby. Remember to smile and hang in there, there are a lot of people who care about you and your family and we are praying for you daily. You are doing an incredible job.
Trish,
Precious friend, I am praying for you and your family. Glad to hear that Ash is able to rest some. You are a wonderful mom to all of your children and a blessing to your husband.
Love and hugs!
Praying for healing, peace and strength for your whole family.
You can not possibly ever do it all yourself.
But God can.
I am praying for you - all of you. I wish I had more.
I've always heard the advice, "Train your children like they won't have YOU tomorrow. Love your children like you won't have THEM tomorrow."
You have done both, Trish, and done it far better than many mothers, this one included. You are an inspiration to every single person who reads your blog and a living testimony that points to Jesus! So don't look at what you would have done differently, look at what you ARE doing, and know that it's impacting thousands of lives. Keep up the good work, my precious sister.
With my love & prayers,
Martha
P.S. It is obvious from the comments that "Grandma" is a pretty cool lady and that she has trained you well to live for Jesus! Your family is awesome!
I think you've done things the best you can. When you are back home, you'll be the rare person who never takes anything for granted. God Bless.
I don't even have any words. But last night I was reading in Isaiah and I found this verse. I think God gave me this verse for you. Isa. 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." God knows your pain and He hasn't forgotten about you or Ashley or the rest of your sweet, selfless family. Praying...
Trish,
Thanks for always reminding us to hold our children close and love on them! They are indeed precious, I'm hugging mine just a little bit closer today (if they let me :))
Sweet Grandma. She is so right. Perhaps we are all changed because of this experience.
Kissing my kidlets more today.
Praying more,
Heidi
Good Morning Trish,
I hope you were able to sleep like babies, both of you last night. Reading this post really made me think about my own "ifs" and my heart goes out to you. But I realize after reading, that these are the promises of things you WILL be doing when you and Ashley get out of there and back home as one family under one roof. Hold on Trish, today is a new day and His Help is on the way. May you both feel refreshed and restored this morning.
Love and Many Prayers for your delicate spirits today.
Laurie in Ca.
Trish, You are so blessed to have your Grandma - what a wise and loving woman. I wept for you last night when I read your post - I can hear your discouragement and sadness and wish I could take it away for you. We all wish we had done things differently at times, but God's plan for us often seems to make the road rough and through that we are shown His glory. I don't know if you realize how very special this space has become to many, many people. It is such a place of hope, and joy, and community...all because you have had the courage to post your inner thoughts and let us go on Ashley's journey. So much good is happening here. I continue to pray for your sweet Ashley to heal. And I prayed last night for God to hold you in his arms and comfort you. I hope today is a better day for you and Ashley.
Please, please, please do not give up hope. I know long hospital stays are discouraging but hang in there. May God bless your sweet family and heal Ash soon.
-Carla in Houston
Dear Baby Asheley, I hope you feel better, and I hope you get to go home soon and you have a great trip.
Love,
Kali (4)
Praying that today is not just a better day, but a GREAT day. For you. For Ashley Kate. For Blake and Allie and Dave.
Many hugs...
Trish,
Lifting you and Ashley Kate up to our Lord today. I can't imagine all you are going through.
You brought tears to my eyes. I think I will pay a little closer attention to my family today. Thank you.
My heart hurts for you, Trish. Praying you got some rest and that God blanketed you with peace and comfort. Praying for a better day today.
His mercies are new every morning... Praying you both have a better day today. I echo the Laurie's comment, you will be doing those things again. Our Father will carry you through this!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
I just received this in an email and thought of you.
Trish,
Praying that you had a well rested night..and as the sunlight peaks in to your sleeping/reading corner that things will look up for you today....keep your chin up....you are dong a fabulous job!!!! Praying for the pickle, yourself and the rest of the family.....
p.s. Don't ya just love Grandmas?!
Trish, Ashley, I hope the two of you were able to get some much needed rest last night. My heart broke for you while reading your post. You are doing everything humanly possible, that a mother can do for her child.May it bring you some comfort to know your sweet family are loved by so many and so many are lifting you up to God in prayer.May today somehow bring to you and Ashley a bright ray of sunshine, and a promise of better days to come, that goes for Sweet Grandma too. Praying for you all. God Bless.
Grandma (sorry i do not know your name) I want to truly thank you for praying for my mother and myself! I simply cannot tell you how that makes me feel!! It's as if my heart is being lifted to the sky and i feel all the love that everybody has for sweet little Ashley and her family! I want to send Trish something and i did ask her but she has not answered yet. What shall i do?? Can you guide me please? Praying for you Grandma, Ashley, Trish and the whole family!!! I feel blessed to be a part of this!!
Michelle
So sorry about your tough day. I am checking on you guys daily (sometimes twice) and praying for you. Our class continues to pray for Ashley also. May the Lord bring peace for you today and part the raging waters. I have been listening to Selah "I Need Thee Every Hour" and it has been comforting for me lately during some trying times.
Love in Christ
Marcia Oxsheer
Keeping all of your family in my prayers.
((hugs))
The beginning of this post had me scared! I am so glad that Ashley is still with us, and still fighting! The reminder to cherish all of those people in our lives is a great one, thank you.
Praying for your little girl and your whole family...
Praying for you as always! I hope you all got some rest last night. Hope you are having a peaceful day! God bless.
Lori
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