Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

10/12/2007

Over the Edge

That is where they are trying to send me. I would swear to it (if I was in the habit of swearing).
This morning I woke to the news that an echo cardio gram had been ordered to rule out a pericardial effusion. Did you read those words? PERICARDIAL EFFUSION! Are you kidding me?

Let me take you back to a day in January where we had a CT scan performed the day before, warranting a closer look with an echo, finding an effusion around Ash's heart, warranting an emergent situation that required my consent to allow them to "tap" into her pericardial sac with a needle, reciting that the risks of puncture were only 5% and in 30 years they had never seen it happen, resulting in yes, that 5% was indeed us and my sweet Ashley went into cardiac arrest with a full code called, CPR on her tiny chest, breaking ribs, but ultimately resulting in saving her life, a crash cart running down the hall into her room and an emergency intubation, and cardiac surgery the next morning( this has got to be the world's largest run on sentence ever). I can promise you I will not be signing consent for a bed side procedure if it comes to that.

So now I am waiting for an explanation and I have been sick to my stomach for over 2 hours now. Honestly, dreams do come true, but unfortunately so do nightmares.

I am starting to calm because no one has returned and asked for that signature. 2 hours is promising don't you think? Perhaps they are just covering all the bases. I just wonder what triggered the investigation?

I wish if they were really going to push me over the edge they would just do it in one big push and not dangle me over it. Some days it really does feel like that is what is happening.

26 Comments:

At 10:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father, please give Trish strength and peace that passes all understanding. Give the doctors wisdom. And place your mighty hand on little Ashley's fragile body. Touch her and Trish in a very special way this morning. In Jesus name, Amen.

I am so sorry to hear this news. May you find answers soon.
-Cari in Arkansas

 
At 10:37 AM , Blogger Amy said...

Praying for Ashley and for you this morning. Praying for wisdom and effectiveness for the team caring for her today.

 
At 10:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God is still in control, even with this news. Through Him, you are are strong and you can handle what comes your way. Please remember that you are not there alone. You have prayer warriors all over that will hold you up regardless. Even though you are tired, we are there holding up your arms, just like Aaron and Hur did with Moses.

I pray for strength and resolve for you Trish. We continue to lift up Ashley to our Father. She is precious to Him. Always remember that His grace is sufficient and always there just when you think you can't go on! Even when you can't feel it, Hsi grace is there.... He is there. You are never alone!
Karen Jacobs

 
At 10:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,
So sorry your day has started this way. Been praying for you all this morning. Praying for a peaceful day!

Lori

 
At 10:41 AM , Blogger KimberlyDi said...

Praying for strength for you.

 
At 10:44 AM , Blogger Sunshine said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 10:52 AM , Blogger Sunshine said...

I deleted my comment - I went back and read it and it came out wrong - I just want you to know I am praying for you and if I could I would reach through the screen and hug you - much love and prayers for you guys all day today! Sunshine

 
At 11:04 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying that His will is to see Ashley through this, to make her well and let her return with you to her family in Texas. Even as I pray that her echo will show no pericardial effusion, that her last day of meds for rejection will be successful and that she will soon be healed and eating and going home, I have to remind myself this is His will and I am praying to trust and accept His will - and believe that he will make her whole again as so many times before. Praying for you Trish and Ashley, for the guidance of the medical professionals deciding on her treatment and for all of your family.
Susan

 
At 11:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Choose to trust..........
Praying for peace, and for some reasonable answers and explanations.

 
At 11:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Praying intensly for you today. I can't even imagine having these types of situations and possibilities presented to you and having to make a decision on them. My heart goes out to both you and Ashley. I am praying that God comforts you and gives you peace when it comes to these decisions. May the Lord be with the team and give them the wisdom and guidance they need to help Ashley.

Tiff~

 
At 11:13 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for peace, guidance and healing.

 
At 11:21 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

Trish, I'm praying today that you are given an extra measure of wisdom and strength, to make it through this day! And I'm praying that this is all precautionary, and that there are no heart issues to be solved! I'm sorry that this is how your day has started; I hope it goes up from here!!

 
At 11:21 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying. I am so sorry. The path to her recovery is definitely not a straight one, is it? One thing after another, and I am so glad you are her mommy and that you know Whom you believe. I think some moms would have jumped over that edge by now and fallen apart.
Praying His strength for you today. And that her path from here on can bypass all the cardiac stuff completely.

 
At 12:01 PM , Blogger Carey said...

Praying for you Trish, may the drs reexamine and realize that it doesnt need to be done. May God guide you through this next chapter.

 
At 12:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. I know you are so scared! Lord, please calm and comfort Trish this morning. Please give her your peace like nothing before. Give the doctors wisdom regarding the procedures and what care Ashley needs. Please give Ash and Trish both the strength they need to endure their time in the hospital. Lord, you love them and many are storming your gates on their behalf. In Jesus Name, Amen.

I love you Trish!

Shari

 
At 12:25 PM , Blogger Laurie in Ca. said...

Praying for this whole situation to calm down and you feel the Lord's peace, right now, if not already. Keep your eyes on Jesus and try not to let the circumstances make you doubt. God is in total control and He sees what is happening inside Ashley.
Rest in this and know we are all praying for you out here. Fall into His arms and let Him hold you tight.
Laurie in Ca.

 
At 12:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, We are with you. You are not alone. We are praying and thinking of you around the clock. I am so sorry today brings another turn like this. I hope they don't dangle long and come talk to you about the "whys" so you can move forward.
I am glad you have made up your mind about no bedside tests like that. You are mother, hear you roar!
Love and prayers,
Heidi

 
At 12:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holding you up in prayer.

 
At 12:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for strength for you and for Ashley.
Beth

 
At 12:55 PM , Blogger Sunny Day Tag Girl said...

Oh bless your heart!!!! I just can't even imagine. She is not even my child and I hurt so much for her and what she is going through! All I know for certain is that HE has a plan and it is perfect. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this by yourself. I pray for your strength and for Dave as I know he must be struggling with not being able to be there. You can do this and Ashley can do this. "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it in you."

 
At 12:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying hard..........

 
At 12:57 PM , Blogger Sherri said...

God hears and answers prayer. I know you know this, but let it be real to you today. Perhaps more real than ever before. When you pray for rain, grab your umbrella. Just keep on believing and never let go!

 
At 1:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Trish. I have been reading for some time now. My heart aches for you and your precious family. You have the sweetest heart. I will continue to pray for you all.
Sharon

 
At 1:11 PM , Blogger Becky said...

Just letting you know I am still praying for you all. Hope you get better news with the biopsy results today. My heart goes out to you and your family. God is in control and he is there just like the "footprints in the sand." Hang in there Trish, God is so good.I know you are hurting and I feel for you.

 
At 7:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are loved.

 
At 11:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the end of the day, God is still a great and awesome GOD. There are so many things we do not know about HIS thoughts but this we all know. HE LOVES US. And though reality may come crashing in and pull us down and leaving us disappointed -- believe GOD can and will take you through this journey in the valley -- for in truth, you have never been alone. He's there holding your hand and reminding you continually trust Him.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercy never comes to an end. They are new every morning. Great is 'HIS' faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-24 (emphasis mine)

Hang in there,..I will be praying for you. ;)

 

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