Over the Edge

That is where they are trying to send me. I would swear to it (if I was in the habit of swearing).
This morning I woke to the news that an echo cardio gram had been ordered to rule out a pericardial effusion. Did you read those words? PERICARDIAL EFFUSION! Are you kidding me?

Let me take you back to a day in January where we had a CT scan performed the day before, warranting a closer look with an echo, finding an effusion around Ash's heart, warranting an emergent situation that required my consent to allow them to "tap" into her pericardial sac with a needle, reciting that the risks of puncture were only 5% and in 30 years they had never seen it happen, resulting in yes, that 5% was indeed us and my sweet Ashley went into cardiac arrest with a full code called, CPR on her tiny chest, breaking ribs, but ultimately resulting in saving her life, a crash cart running down the hall into her room and an emergency intubation, and cardiac surgery the next morning( this has got to be the world's largest run on sentence ever). I can promise you I will not be signing consent for a bed side procedure if it comes to that.

So now I am waiting for an explanation and I have been sick to my stomach for over 2 hours now. Honestly, dreams do come true, but unfortunately so do nightmares.

I am starting to calm because no one has returned and asked for that signature. 2 hours is promising don't you think? Perhaps they are just covering all the bases. I just wonder what triggered the investigation?

I wish if they were really going to push me over the edge they would just do it in one big push and not dangle me over it. Some days it really does feel like that is what is happening.