Losing Ground

There is much concern about Ash this morning. I am not for sure, but the surgeons are trying to decide what is our safest option. They are pretty sure they will have to remove a section of her bowel, but how much and when they should go in is uncertain. They have asked me to call Dave and have him come back because no one knows how this will go. "If he wants to be here, then he needs to get here." That means it could end in a bad way. It's never good to have them tell me to call him.

I am scared and shocked. So many worries and responsibilities overwhelm us at times like this, but ultimately Ashley's life is our top priority. The rest will work itself out.

If they take her into surgery they will re-open her from top to bottom. Remove the portions of the bowel that have suffered injury and re-sect the remainder. Essentially it is like NEC, but not exactly. There are no assurances that she will make it out of surgery safely or that she will not become septic after they go in and move things around. It will be very, very dangerous, but is waiting more dangerous? They are struggling with the decision. We could go in to the OR at any moment or not go at all today. They just asked me to be ready.

What encourages me the most about Ash's current condition is that she is on no support. She is bigger and stronger than she was last year. I think she has a better chance at surviving this episode than she did going into transplant. Her stats are strong and stable at this time, but as the injury and infection begins to spread they tell me her blood pressures, heart rate, and oxygen levels will begin to "freak" out. I know what they mean because I have seen it happen in a matter of minutes with our Ashley before. She has begun to spike a temp this morning and it is still climbing. She also needed another transfusion so something is wrong somewhere. Yet, still I am encouraged at this moment. Perhaps it is just the prayers that are carrying me to this place.

Dave is scrambling to get here. It takes a lot to make it happen and the earliest I could see him is 7 tonight or possibly 11. Please pray for his peace of mind. He is the leader of our home and the responsibilities fall on his shoulders. Days like today just make those responsibilities seem a little heavier to carry. I can't even express how I feel inside concerning Blake and Al at this moment. Just no that they weigh very heavy on my heart.

Still it could turn around at any moment and she could sit up and smile and tell me with those amazing eyes to take her home. That is what I long for. Trish