Wrapping it Up

I have had many hours to be alone with my thoughts the last two days. I keep reminding myself of Ashley's story. Not just the journal portions of her story, but the entire story of my sweet girl from her first day until today. Last night I walked through the days and reminded myself of ALL the amazing works of God. I never realized His intimate work in my life until I knew of our Ashley. The details are many, the relaying of them all would literally take hours, the knowing He was there each step of the way brings comfort to us. How blessed I am to have the opportunity to store them in my heart and "ponder" them on days like today. Why He chose me to be her mommy I will never know, but oh how grateful I am. This little girl has changed my life, my heart, and my faith for ever. I love her and every moment I am allowed to spend with her.

At this moment Ash is in the crib struggling against the pressures in her belly, but still breathing beautifully. Her abdomen is enormous and she has put on over six pounds because of the swelling in her bowel. It is unbelievable to us to see her body being stretched to this capacity. Her skin is so taught that it has become shiny and glossy. I honestly have no idea how she is able to bare the pressure and the weight that is on her. She has areas of her body that is covered in a red rash and fever. Her right eye remains swollen shut and she is trying her best to peek out of it. She can not move her body because of the size of her belly, but she does request foot massages from whoever is standing close by. Everyone knows that when she asks you must comply. I just love the nurses who respond to her request. It makes my heart smile. If rubbing her little feet makes her feel a little better then I will willingly stand there all night. She is trying to rest and for this we are grateful. If you touch her, move her blanket, or bump into her crib she cries out. She is so tired.

Knowing her history and seeing the condition her body is in I am amazed that she remains so strong and so stable. God is definitely working in her body. She has multiple things going on inside of her. Rejection, viral infection, bacterial infection and yet she remains strong. Her bowel is so very injured and yet she remains strong. This is God and His work. I know He hears the many prayers that the body of believers are surrounding her with. Even though we are facing some uncertain issues I have a confidence, a peace, an acceptance. The upcoming days will be crucial and we are told they will be difficult. I can not tell you what is going to take place. If I think too much about the impending operation and the re-sectioning of her bowel I begin to get nauseated. I have to focus on what is good and what He has already done. I can't allow myself to become overwhelmed right now. Perhaps tomorrow will bring healing or at least answers.

We are mentally tired and emotionally drained. Our day began with some frightening possibilities , but as it comes to an end we are feeling at rest with where she is at this moment. Her future is uncertain, but honestly yours and mine is too. None of us have been promised our next breath. I am just grateful to know that He holds us in His hands and close to His heart. He loves my baby and I know that.