Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/21/2008

Drinking Her In

It's 12:30 and our sweet Ashley Kate remains asleep. She looks so very peaceful as she rests. I love to watch her while she's sleeping. So still, so sweet. Her eyebrows scrunch every once in a while and I wonder what she is dreaming about. Her long lashes curl so perfectly and I absolutely love them. Both of our girls have the most amazing eye lashes. Her little nose is one of my favorite parts of her. How I love to run my finger across its bridge. I can truly say that she is one of His most beautiful creations. I have rarely seen anything more beautiful than Ashley Kate. I stand in awe of what He created, and as I drink her in I am humbled that I am allowed to love something so precious.

Her tiny fingers wiggle every once in a while and her feet cross at her ankles. Even while she sleeps she evokes such strong emotions in my heart. I have really learned to be grateful, to be humble, to be willing to love through her life and experiences. Are there things I would change? Of course there are, but what has occurred in our hearts and our home as a result of this child and her struggles may have never come to pass without this rough journey. If I could take her pain, her frailty, her tough days from her I would, but what joy God has placed inside of her on the good days. What happiness and silliness and orneriness He put inside of this tiny pickle. I love her so much. I love His creation. I often find myself thinking, "but I never asked for her to be so beautiful." (Usually my next thought is that I never asked for a healthy bowel either and I wonder if that would have made a difference in her life?) Nevertheless, He provided for her and she is here serving His purpose in our hearts, in this place, and in this world. This morning I am thankful for the quiet hours I have been given to drink in this child of mine and to drink in His presence in her life.

What I am going to share with you now is a mixed blessing. They are planning to attempt extubation again tomorrow. Joy. Panic. Excitement. Fear. Doubt. Hope. These are all very real emotions I am having about this plan. More than anything I want the rise and fall of her chest to take place because her body has the ability to make it happen again, but at the same time this ventilator brings me a security as I prepare to leave. How I wish it were today so that I might be near if she needed me. On the other side of this I find myself excited over the possibility of her and her daddy having the opportunity to enjoy their weekend together free of breathing tubes, suction catheters, and discomfort. How good I know it will feel to our baby to be held for the first time in two weeks. What joy floods my heart as I picture her snuggled up on her daddy's lap for 3 precious days. Tears sting my eyes as the memory of last Sunday comes to me. Please, God allow her to be successful. Allow her to breathe again, to laugh again, to play again.

On top of all this Dave and I are facing a couple of decisions today that weigh heavy on our hearts. Each and every choice we make for Ashley Kate is important and we take them seriously. The hospital has a huge population of patients with influenza this week and we would ask you to join us as we pray that Ash will be spared from this virus. This is probably the most dangerous time of year to be a patient, but I have to remind myself that God knows this and that He has the ability to protect her. Every day more and more of the children are testing positive for it. Pray for guidance as we choose what options would be best for our little one at this time.

Thank you so much for loving our baby gherkin. I hope she is a blessing to your heart as you watch all that God does in her life. Your presence blesses me and your prayers strengthen me. What a kinship I feel with all those who follow her story. Thank you again. Trish

24 Comments:

At 1:06 PM , Blogger KimberlyDi said...

The flu is everywhere. It's back in Texas too. I'll be praying for her and your whole family.

 
At 1:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for Ashley..protection, healing, strength, joy and snuggle time with her Dad! Thanks for the window into your life, we watch and look forward to each detail! While you are partying..we will be praying in Central IL

 
At 1:23 PM , Blogger Judy said...

I will be continuing to pray. Alot going on for you this weekend.

 
At 2:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thankyou for letting us love you, Dave, Blake, Allison and the baby gherkin.
God bless you my friend,
Robin in Florida

 
At 2:21 PM , Blogger hennhouse said...

Praying.

 
At 2:27 PM , Blogger Just little ole me said...

Praying that God will grant you the wisdom to make the decisions that need to be made for Ashley's best and grant you peace in doing so.

 
At 2:30 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Trish, I will be praying for Ashley to have success tomorrow and for you to be at peace as much as you can:) I am so blessed to watch this little girl amaze all of us with her strength. Praying for the flu to leave that hospital and for the children to be protected, especially Ashley. It is out here in Ca. too and many are sick with it. Praying for protection over her. Have safe travel and trust the Lord to have you covered. He loves you so much.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

 
At 2:35 PM , Blogger Dee Dee said...

Praying for a great week-end for you all, and for continued divine protection for all of you as well.
Happy Birthday, Allie!

 
At 2:37 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The flu is horrible this year and I pray with all my might that none of ya'll have to experience it...especially little Ashley! Continued prayers for health & safety...for peace of mind.
We are praying that Ashley will do well with the extubation tomorrow!! We also pray that you and Dave will be given the Lords wisdom in your decision making always and especially today!
Praying for a SAFE & HAPPY weekend for all of the Adams family and for everyone following this story...This has really become quite a group of readers! I think it's awesome. Just awesome how Our Good Lord works! ;o)
May God bless you all...
~Okla

 
At 2:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading Ashley's journal has been such a blessing in my life and I'm so thankful to you for sharing your family's story with all of us. I pray for a wonderful weekend for you all. I also pray for strength and wisdom in your decision making and for little Ashley's lungs to be able to breath on their own. Go Ashley!

Jennifer in OKC

 
At 2:43 PM , Anonymous Jule White said...

Trish ~ Praying over all your specific requests. I will think of you tomorrow and pray for safe travels (for Dave tonight!) and also for peace as you leave to celebrate with Allie. I hope her birthday is magical for both of you!

Love,
Jule White

 
At 2:56 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Will pray as asked. I agree. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. Praying all goes well.

 
At 3:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sincere prayers are continually with you throughout the day(s).

I love how you refer to Ashley as your little pickle or Gherkin.

soo precious...

Hope...

 
At 3:04 PM , Blogger The Lenda's said...

Praying for your trip this weekend. May Ashley do well and enjoy precious time with her daddy. May you have a wonderful time celebrating Allie's b-day and visiting with your thoughtful boy Blake.

May God keep you all in the palm of His hand while you are apart.

Hugs
Rachel in PA

 
At 3:08 PM , Blogger Alicia said...

We will be praying for wisdom as you and Dave attempt to make the best possible decisions for sweet Ashley. You are an incredible mom, and you ALWAYS know what is best for your children. God bless you guys this weekend.

 
At 4:48 PM , Blogger Debi said...

I have been reading an old, old book by A.B. Simpson and when I read this quote, I thought how beautifully it is being lived by you and shared in real life as a gift to the countless people who read Ashley's Journal.
"Oh, had we the faith to see God in everything as it meets us day by day, every chapter of life's history would be a new story of the romance of heavenly love in its magical power to transform darkness into light, difficulty into triumph, sorrow into joy, and the earthly into the heavenly; and Christ would be enabled to manifest Himself in His grace and power to innumerable witnesses, who never hear of Him from a pulpit, or read the story of His grace in anything else but human lives, in whom they could thus behold Him."

I'm sorry it is so long, but how quickly I thought of you! Thank you for your transparency and the blessing you all are to all of us!
Happy Birthday, Allison! I wish I could come to your party too! :)

 
At 4:50 PM , Anonymous Tiffany said...

Praying for Ashley. My little one had the flu and it is really bad. Praying that she doesn't get it!!!!!

 
At 5:17 PM , Anonymous Stephanie - KCMO said...

I'm praying for you now. Love, Stephanie

 
At 5:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy to read that you will be able to spend Allie's birthday with her, and do some fun things with Blake as well. I pray that your time with them this weekend will help you through until the day you bring Ashley back home.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or Dave this weekend while you are gone. I am coming home tomorrow. (I have decided that I'm not very good at this "vacation" thing, but the warmer temperatures have been nice!).

Happy and safe travels.
Take care.
=)Amanda

 
At 5:50 PM , Anonymous April said...

You know what I love about Ashley? She keeps me seeking the Father heart of God each and every day! She is the first prayer I say in the morning and it really makes me thankful for her - and you, Trish!

Prayers for protection from the flu (it's in my house right now) and prayers for a wonderful weekend that includes the lack of a breathing tube!

 
At 6:20 PM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

Thanks for letting us in on the "flu factor" so that we can pray specifically against it! I'll definitely be doing just that! Along with praying for the extubation to be successful, too, of course!

 
At 6:39 PM , Blogger The Dean Family said...

Trish,
How precious those moments must be. Have a wonderful time with Allie and know Dave will take great care of Ash. Praying all stays calm while you are away.
Love,
Angela

 
At 9:26 PM , Blogger Fiffer said...

I will be holding your whole family close in prayer this weekend. Praying that when you & Dave meet up again on Sunday night you will both have exciting news and happy memories to share with each other. I will also pray that the two of you feel unity in whatever decisions you need to make. Listen, I could absolutely NEVER doubt any decision parents like you make when it is obvious that you love your three children as much as parents can possibly love. You guys are such an inspiration to me! I know I say it a lot but I come away from reading your posts feeling like, "Wow -- now THAT'S the kind of mom I want to be."

Thanks Trish -- many blessings to you and Princess Allie this weekend! Go make some wonderful memories with those two sweet kids. Can't wait to hear what Blake's gift to Allie is!

And Dave, enjoy this special weekend with your sweet pickle. I will pray that the flu stays far away from both of you and that Ashley's health improves each day.

Love to a precious family!
Martha

 
At 10:13 PM , Blogger Ivy Vega from www.ivysmind.com said...

I will be praying that Ashley's extubation be successful. Can't wait to read your words when you get to carry her again.
Hugs & Love
Ivy from Florida

 

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