Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/20/2008

Preparing my heart

Dave did it. He was able to figure out a flight schedule in order for the two of us to switch places this weekend. He should land here in Omaha sometime tomorrow evening(11pm I think?). I will leave Omaha bright and early Friday morning and be in the air by 6am. I land in Dallas around 8:30 and will be picked up at the airport to make the 2 hour drive home. Once we pull into the drive way I will hit the ground running. Allie's party begins at 5pm and will go until 9:30pm. What an amazing night of fun we have planned. We have worked on the details of this celebration for more than 2 months and I can't believe it is finally here. Saturday morning I will attend Allie's basketball game, then that evening Blake will play in 2 basketball games. Sometime Sunday afternoon Blake has a baseball scrimmage and I plan on attending as much of it as I can before making the long drive over to Dallas to catch my plane and then I should land in Omaha around 11pm. Dave then leaves on that 6a.m. flight Monday to make it into the office by 10a.m. Whew! That took a little planning.

As I think of leaving Ash here in the hospital my heart rate increases and I start to panic just a little. Not because I don't trust that her daddy will take good care of her, but because I have never been the one to be 700miles away from her. I can't imagine getting a phone call like the ones I have had to make to Dave more times than I can count. I am really nervous about going home without her. Things can happen so quickly with her and if they took a turn for the worse I would have no way to get to her. I have no idea how Dave has done what he has over the last 2 years. His strength and his faith are amazing. He is forced to lay it all the Father's feet. I on the other hand still battle my nasty habit of picking the burdens back up and trying to carry them all on my own. It is a daily struggle for me to just keep trusting. I want to make her better. I want to fix things for her. I want to pick her up and make it all go away. I am still learning. Everyday I am learning.

On the other hand the excitement I feel about being there for Allie's birthday is growing more and more each time I talk to her. She is excited so I am excited! Not only is she excited, but Blake is excited for her. He has been saving his money for a long time to buy her just exactly what he KNEW she would love. Tonight he called to tell me that he finished getting her gifts and that it was all ready. His excitement over giving her the perfect gift is absolutely contagious. I can't wait for him to see her open what he chose for her. He's right about finding her the perfect gift. I know when our family sees it they will all agree that it was perfect for her.

The details of the party are vast. I would love to share them but it would take me an hour to do it. I think I'll wait and have Dave post a slide show of pictures. Just trust me when I tell you that it is a wonderful mix of growing up but still being young enough to have tremendous fun. It hasn't even happened yet and she has exclaimed on more than one occasion, "Mom, your the BEST!" I'm just going to love every single minute of watching her have a magical evening with her closest friends.

My heart is torn between knowing how much I need to be home for this party and knowing how fragile Ashley Kate remains. These are gut wrenching decisions we face. Knowing when we need to be home, but also knowing we need to be at the hospital with Ash. It will always be this way and I don't think it will ever get any easier. I'm sure there are some who would love to tell me how we do it all wrong, but I'm going to ask you to keep that opinion to yourselves. I really don't need to hear all about it. The fact remains whether people agree or disagree that I am a mom. A mom to Blake, Al and Ash. I love them all with every last part of me and I want to be there for each one of them each and every time. It just can't be that way right now. So if you think about it tomorrow will you please pray that God might prepare my heart for this trip. Pray for protection of our little pickle while I'm away. Pray for precious moments with my amazing son and my beautiful daughter back home. Pray for me as I walk on to that airplane and face one of my biggest fears. Flying. I hate to fly and would only do in order to be with my children.

Its going to be a busy, busy weekend! By the way, Ashley Kate is making the sweetest looking spiders while she sleeps. I kid you not! Eyes closed and those tiny hands forming spiders above her breathing tube. She must be singing inside. I love this baby! Good night my friends. Trish

45 Comments:

At 11:12 PM , Blogger Dee Dee said...

How wonderful, how God opens windows to let you see inside her, even as she sleeps.
Have a wonderful week-end. We'll keep praying.

 
At 11:17 PM , Blogger CrownLaidDown said...

Praying for all that you asked. And I'm thankful for her sleepy spiders!! Happy Birthday early Allie--you have the most awesome family! Have you ever been the The Potpourri House in Tyler? It's a special "tea-like" luncheon that is a fun place to go with just the girls!

Praying for all the details...I'll be out of pocket 'til Monday, but please know our prayers are ever with you and for you.
Love,
holly

 
At 11:22 PM , Blogger Robyn said...

I'm so very glad that you've managed to work out a way to get home for Allie's birthday! I hope you have a WONDERFUL time and that Ashley lives it up with her Dad while you're away. I'll be praying for it all to be more amazing that you could dream of. Enjoy!

 
At 11:30 PM , Blogger Morgy's Mama said...

Happy early birthday Allie! Praying for safe travel and continued good health.

 
At 11:49 PM , Blogger Gretchen said...

Traveling mercies to you both, and God's blessings upon all your fun plans with Allie's b'day. I hope that Dave and Ashley enjoy their time together, too. You can do this. I know leaving her will be excrutiating, but I also applaud you for the mom you are to all 3 of your children. Amazing.

(((Hugs)))gretchen

 
At 11:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go mom...... God knows your fears and I will pray for each of them. Be safe and have a wonderful time with your daughter and son.

Ashley Kate has become a part of my day. I find myself wondering how she is doing and your family. Thank you for sharing your life with us. It reminds me of how truly blessed I am.
Christian Love
Sonja
P.S. How is it that we don't like real spiders but those "cute little spiders" our sweet ones share with us are beautiful in our eyes. :)

 
At 12:15 AM , Blogger Annie said...

You are such a wonderful mom! It's apparent how much you love all of your kids. Sounds like you have a REALLY busy several days ahead of you. Praying for God's blessings for you and your family.

Soooooo precious that Ashley's doing spiders in her sleep!

Annie ~ lovejoelr.blogspot.com

 
At 12:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! Fantastic Trish! So glad to hear you will be there for Allie's party! GO DAVE GO!
As for "judging" you....I absolutely DO NOT..but I think you know that by now ;o) I commend you for your strength, faith, & endurance! Some of the decisions you have to make ....wow....not sure if I could do it or not!
We are praying for a safe & peaceful flight and for Ashley to maintain stability or improve while you are away.
Praying for your stress levels to be minimal!!!!
I know you will have a wonderful time with Blake & Allie...but nonetheless, I'm praying for all to go well.
I can't wait to see the pictures of Allie's party..I just know it will be awesome! You are just so creative! Has anyone ever told you that before? lol ;o)
I'm sure that all will go well for you....kudos to Dave for making it all work!!
We will be here praying the entire time! HAVE FUN! You certainly deserve it!
May God Bless you all!
~Okla

 
At 12:24 AM , Blogger Laurie said...

Trish,
This is so wonderful the way the plans came into being, I truly believe it was God preparing it. I am excited for you to share in Allie's great birthday and see the excitement on her face. I know that it is hard for you to leave Ashley, but lets believe together that God will not leave her for a second and take care of her, okay? She can have Daddy all to herself for the weekend and keep him happy. It will be okay Trish. I will be praying for all to go smoothly and for your worries to be minimal:) Bless your mothers heart. Enjoy yourself!!!

Love you, Laurie in Ca.

 
At 12:40 AM , Blogger The Dean Family said...

How adorable those spiders must be! Praying for you through the weekend and always!
Love,
Angela

 
At 1:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's great for being able to be at home and for you husband to be with Ashley. Things always have a way of working themselves out.

I hope that the birthday goes off without a hitch! Enjoy this fun day with your kids!

 
At 3:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds just wonderful. You and Dave are amazing! You know, we all do what we have to do when we have a sick family member. It comes as part of the package. You go have fun. We will hold the fort here in prayer.

Prayer Mom

 
At 5:28 AM , Anonymous Kelly B. said...

Praying for a GREAT weekend all the way around!
Only concern yourself with God's will for your family. He knows what is best and thats all that matters! ;o)

May the Lord bless you & keep you all.

 
At 5:41 AM , Blogger Lolly said...

Trish and Family, I pray that you have an awesome weekend! I can hear the excitement for the whole family in your post. I hope for all it turns out bigger than your dreams. I suspect that Ashley and her Daddy will have a blast together and you and Blake and Allie will elated to spend time together. I can't wait to read all about the great weekend.

 
At 5:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

How awesome, see God works even in the little things! And I know in the back of your mind, things could turn for worse when you're away, however, things could really turn for the better as well and what a blessing it would be for Dave to see that. I hope and pray that you have a safe and absolutely blessed trip and tuck all of these memories away to cherish as I know you will. God Bless!

Love in Christ,
TM in WV

 
At 6:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God will take care of everything. He doesn't do things half way like we do (ME)!lol
Have fun!
Alabama Grandmother

 
At 6:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have a busy weekend ahead and I will pray that everything runs smoothly and you don't get to exhausted in the process. I will also pray for God to help you have peace in your heart as you leave Ashley to go be with your other children. I can totally understand how scared you are. I will pray, pray, pray, for God to give you all the things that you need right now. God Bless...Leigh Ann

 
At 7:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying that all your family has a wonderful weekend and that all your travel and pary plans work out wonderfully well. Ignore the 'judgers' and the 'advisors' that comment. They cannot know what is best for your family. Only you know your circumstances, and I am sure that you, with God's help, make the best decisions possible for your family and children. May Divine Love and Light Bless your weekend and stay with you and your family always.

 
At 7:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such perfect timing of little Ashley's condition at this time as you make your preparations..how hard it would have been just a few days ago.

God is so gracious...

Flying...just remember who the REAL pilot is...as you see the clouds...rejoice in the glory of God's creation and all he has done and will do for you.

I pray you have a restful, enjoyable time with your children and your husband has his precious moments with Ashley.
Hope...

 
At 7:07 AM , Blogger Melony said...

I am so happy that it worked out for you to make it home for the party. I think what you are doing shows so much faith. I pray that it all goes well and that Dave will have a quiet weekend with Ashley and that you get nothing but positive reports from him..

I, too will be flying into Dallas on Friday morning and flying out Sunday. I will be praying for your flight as I am on mine..

 
At 7:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK call me stupid but what are sleepy spiders?

 
At 7:36 AM , Blogger Krista said...

If I didnt know your two oldest children I would say I might feel sorry for them, but they are so amazingly grown up and you have such a wonderful family and That is the reason you have Ashley! You were meant for her just like she was meant for you guys... have fun at the party..

 
At 8:21 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so excited about the coming weekend....you would think it was my daughter having this special birthday. I pray that everyone that follows your journey will respect your wishes and keep their negative opinions to themselves. I can't wait for all the details of how God blessed this weekend for Allie and that you are going to be able to be a part of it. May God continue to keep Ashley in the palm of His hands while you are away. What a special time it will be for Dave and Ashley, too. God Bless you all and enjoy your time with Blake and Allie. Your journey is so full of faith...don't sell yourself short of that. What a blessing you are to so many that check in on you daily. God Bless you All...and safe airways.

 
At 8:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy your party! Happy Birthday to your daughter! I am sure Ashley will stay strong for her sister this weekend.

 
At 8:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so excited that you get to go home for the birthday party. I'm praying for a safe trip and for Al to have a wonderful party! It's so nice to see Ashley up playing. Have a fun weekend!

Jennifer in OKC

 
At 8:46 AM , Blogger Alicia said...

The spiders are sooo sweet. We're praying on...have fun, Trish! I'm so glad that the flights worked out.

 
At 8:52 AM , Blogger Sun said...

Oh sweet girl - we are praying - specifically for your heart, your fear, and for protection of each of you as you enjoy this amazing weekend! You are an AWESOME momma - to all three - you inspire and challenge me on a daily basis. May God shield you and keep your eyes on Him - and may He reassure your heart and flood it with peace - you are precious! Sunshine

 
At 8:56 AM , Blogger Amy T said...

What a sweet picture you gave us of Ashley singing in her heart. I will be praying for you this weekend and for Ashley, of course. I hope the party is everythign Allie wants it to be. How exciting! I'm so glad that Ashley is showing improvement in the days before you have to go. Way to go Dave on managing that feat of working out the travel schedule nightmare.

 
At 8:58 AM , Blogger Amy T said...

I also wanted to post this prayer that was in my devotional today:

Father in Heaven,

This morning I thank you that You are the Strong and Faithful One. You alone are the LORD God Almighty. Today I ask that You would be to me just exactly what I
need today.

Be to me the God of all Grace who pours Your grace into my heart as I seek to meet the needs of those around me. I need Your grace.

Be my Only Wise God. I need divine wisdom to juggle the many things in my life right now. Help me to trust You as my strong and faithful God in my home and
relationships, my finances and my work.

Be to me my God of Hope as I look at this day today and also at the days ahead. In the changes and challenges that come let me find shelter, encompassed by You,
The God of Love, The Living God and the Only True God.

Thank you that You are the Three in One, the God head that gives the wisdom and power of the Father, the love and compassion of the Son and the strength and
empowerment of the Holy Spirit to me as I need it.

Help me today to feel Your strength and faithfulness is a powerful way and may my heart rest in You alone.

In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, amen.

 
At 9:07 AM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

I'm SO excited for you and Allie and Blake, but at the same time I can completely understand your feelings about leaving Ashley. I will be praying for you to be able to fully embrace the joy of being home for such a momentous occasion -- and the ballgames that will follow! -- and at the same time to fully surrender Ashley's care and well-being to her heavenly Father, her earthly Father, and the wonderful team of doctors and nurses.

(As a fellow mom, I imagine it will ONLY be prayer and God's grace that will allow those two things to happen, so count on continuous fervent prayers from me throughout the next few days!)

And I'll be looking forward to the full weekend report whenever you're up to it next week! :-)

 
At 9:14 AM , Anonymous Kathleen said...

How precious! Itsy Bitsy spiders in her sleep! I have been praying that you would get everything worked out to be there for Allie's party. I will keep y'all in prayer over the weekend, especially knowing this is kinda scary.
Happy Birthday (early) Allie!!

 
At 9:22 AM , Anonymous carol from bainbridge island, wa said...

Trish,

You are absolutely the most wonderful mom to three darling children. Each and everyone is so important to you - I hope I was just that kind of mom to my boys. I'm so happy all the travel arrangements were able to be worked out and you will spend this great day with Allie. Praying for safe travel for you and Dave and continued healing prayers for Ashley.

 
At 10:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Trish - I am so sorry you have been made to feel like you are "wrong." I beg to differ! You have GOT to be the most perfect mother...especially to your babies! There is no way I could handle it the way you have! You are doing what you can and God will honor that, honey!

I cannot WAIT to hear the details and see the pics! Have a great time!!

As always...praying...
In Christ-
Amy and Kyle

 
At 10:17 AM , Anonymous dee buchanan said...

Trish, I don't think that any of us could juggle everything you do as well as you do. I think that you are an amazing mom, I see things in my life that need to change as a result of you bearing your heart. Thank you. I'm praying that you have an amazing weekend, that you can completely rest in the Father's loving care and perfect plan, for safety, and that Ashley's body is strengthened while you are away. Have fun!

 
At 10:18 AM , Anonymous dee buchanan said...

Trish, I don't think that any of us could juggle everything you do as well as you do. I think that you are an amazing mom, I see things in my life that need to change as a result of you bearing your heart. Thank you. I'm praying that you have an amazing weekend, that you can completely rest in the Father's loving care and perfect plan, for safety, and that Ashley's body is strengthened while you are away. Have fun!

 
At 10:37 AM , Blogger Valarie said...

As I was reading your post I started to pray that the Lord would keep any negative spirits away from you and then as I read you asking them to keep their "opinions" to themselves I said "You go Trish!!"

Enjoy every minute this weekend and trust that little gherkin to her Heavenly Father's hands and know that Dave will be His earthly hands on her!! Have a blast and know we're praying!!

WAY TO GO DAVE!!!
In Christ -
Val
NC

 
At 10:59 AM , Blogger Elizabeth S said...

Trish, you are an amazing mom. I love hearing you talk about Blake and Allie. I especially loved hearing about Blake's excitement over Allie's birthday. I only hope that I am teaching my kids to love each other like you are teaching yours. You also mentioned not being able to be everywhere you need to be. That doesn't make you a bad mom or meany you are doing anything wrong; it just means you are a mom! None of us can be everywhere we need to be, your circumstances are just more extreme than ours. That having been said, hearing about Blake, Allie, and Ash only prove that you and Dave are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. God is leading you and you are listening for His direction. I hope I am doing half the job you are.

 
At 11:44 AM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Praying for a wonderful birthday celebration for Allie, and for a uneventful time for Dave with Ashley! I'm so glad you're able to get home, and am praying for you as you fly!!

 
At 12:25 PM , Blogger The Stevens said...

Safe trip home!!! Happy Bday Allie..You dont have to worry about Ashley she will rest safely in the arms of her earthly and heavenly father!!!

I continue to send Blessing and prayers for you and the family!!!

 
At 12:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an inspiration. Keep up the phenominal work you do for your whole family! And have fun too! Safe travels.
Prayers in CT.
Heidi

 
At 12:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still praying...hope all is well and you are having a stress free day!! So happy for you Trish!
May God keep you all safe
~Okla

 
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At 4:35 PM , Blogger Shari said...

I am so glad Dave figured it out. I pray, honey, that God gives you the peace you need to get through this weekend and the focus to be able to do Allison's birthday. I can't wait to hear the details and see pictures. I love you folks. Praying for you all.

Shari

 

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