Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

2/17/2008

Tried, Failed,and Tired

Ash was taken off of the vent. She tried to breathe on her own for 3 hours, but eventually failed. She is now back on the ventilator. I can't tell you how difficult the events of today have been for us. I stepped out of the hospital for the first time in 11 days. I hadn't seen the sun or felt fresh air for 11 days. I thought I would run to the grocery store and then pick up a few items for Ash. As soon as I arrived at the store Dave called me and I started running. The images I saw as I walked into the room are not ones I ever care to see again. It is traumatic to watch your child struggle for air all the while knowing that without that air she can not survive. I pray you never, ever have to walk in our shoes.

My heart aches tonight because I know that all over the world there are mothers who lost the fight for their child's life today. I know that it happened here in this very hospital today, and I know that it is only a matter of time before Dave and I will be at the front of that line. For now our place in that line is exactly where God has us. So I say this with the most love that I can muster at this moment. Question us if you like, condemn us if you feel you have that right, and judge us if that is truly your God given right, but until you are standing next to me in this line you will NEVER understand what it feels like to be us.

I'm tired. So very tired of trying to defend the decisions we feel God has led us to make for our family. You will never meet children who are more loved, more cherished, more appreciated, or sacrificed more for than our Blake, Allie, and Ashley. I dare you to try. They KNOW without a doubt how special they are to us regardless of what the world may think.

I am in this place because God Himself handed me the gift of a lifetime and I intend to take the very best care of her that I can. I will never apologize for that.

Love your children like there is NO tomorrow, because there may NOT be. I urge you to just love on them.

95 Comments:

At 8:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're absolutely right - we can never understand. We can pray for all of you, love on you from a distance and continuously strive to become stronger Christians. Thank you, Trish and Dave for you strength and sacrificial love for your children. You inspire us to pray more faithfully, hug our children harder and trust God in all things.

No there is no doubt in our minds that all 3 of your children are truly precious gifts from God that you love deeply! Thank you for sharing and for showing us a beeautiful example of parental love!

We will continue to pray for Ash to be able to breathe off the vent soon!

With love from PA,
Courtney

 
At 8:45 PM , Blogger Janet said...

I am reading and praying.

God is with you and He loves you and Ashley.

Thank you for your honesty and for the admonishment to really love our loved ones.

God Bless and in Christ,
Janet

 
At 8:46 PM , Anonymous krista said...

I am so sorry that this was a difficult day. My heart is aching for you all right now.
Praying , hope you all get some rest tonight. ..and that joy will come in the morning.
With much love, krista

 
At 8:57 PM , Blogger Judy said...

My heart aches with you.
Prayers are being lifted up.

 
At 8:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless your family and may you all get some much needed rest tonight. We'll keep praying for your special family. I actually bought a small pickle ornament this Christmas as a reminder to pray (I haven't needed the reminder, but it does make me smile). We check your blog often for updates and thank you for sharing your life, even when it's difficult.
Love from Arizona, Terri

 
At 9:00 PM , Blogger Rachael said...

praying for you guys

u are an amazin example and i have never seen anyone with more strength then ur family.

 
At 9:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way tonight! I pray that you all have a peaceful night. You are an inspiration to all of us. Praying as always - Lori

 
At 9:03 PM , Blogger Jill said...

Trish -

I happened upon your blog and have been praying hard for Ashley. Please don't ever apologize or try to defend your decisions regarding Ashley. You are her parents and only YOU know what is best for your child. The opinions of others make no difference. Growing up I had a brother who was ill very often and in and out of the hospital. Yes there were missed special occasions, yes I was occasionally jealous, yes there were times when I didn't see my mother for weeks, but never EVER did I or my siblings feel unloved. Now as an adult I can't think of anyone I admire more than my mother for her strength and courage during those times! And I loved my brother dearly. It was a very humbling experience which taught us all to live life to the fullest. By being strong for Ashley you are teaching so many things to your other children. Strength, compassion, tenderness, courage, love and the power of prayer. Please don't forget that! I will continnue to keep your beautiul Ashley in my prayers and I hope that tomorrow brings a better day for you all. - Jill

 
At 9:05 PM , Anonymous dee buchanan said...

We will never understand all that you go through, or even a fraction of it. But our hearts hurt, just thinking about Ash struggling to breathe, struggling for life., and for you as parents, having to watch as she struggles. I pray that those images will not leave a permanent impression in your mind, but that by the grace of God, you can let them go, at least for now. Praying that Ash can recover from the events of the day, quickly, and that you can rest tonight. Our hearts are with you all, hurting, and cheering on the sidelines as you all run this race.

 
At 9:12 PM , Anonymous Leslie said...

God bless you and your family tonight. I would never question your love for your children - it shines through every word you speak and every action you take. Your love for Ashley, Allie and Blake has taught me a lot over these months about my relationship with my girls.
May the prayers and encouraging words from us boost you a little in this trying time. I'll be praying for a better tomorrow for Ash, you and Dave.

 
At 9:15 PM , Anonymous becky said...

Dear Ones,

I hope you continue to know that you have a huge army of prayer warriors lifting you up and cheering you on. It's an absolute privilege for us. You owe no one an explanation of your choices and decisions-don't let people who can't even begin to comprehend what you're enduring get you down. The very few who might have something negative to say are far, far, outweighed by those of us who love you all and continually pray for God's perfect plan for your family. May you feel the power of all of those prayers and so many of us surrounding you with love and encouragement.

Love from Kalamazoo,
Becky

 
At 9:17 PM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

It does indeed sound like a rough day for all of you, and I'm so sorry you had to go through it! Prayers will be going up for a restful, uneventful night and a better, healthier Monday! Do try to get some sleep, as I'm sure a day like this exhausts you all even more than a "normal" day in the PICU. (If there is such a thing as that!)

And I think that rude comment earlier should serve as a reminder to all of us that your sharing Ashley's story comes at a cost to you -- that cost being, making yourself vulnerable to such insensitivies. Most of us who love you all and pray for you all completely understood when you stopped writing a few months ago, and I'm sure it takes a lot of courage to continue sharing now as you are. The fact that you have to deal with the criticism of others, just makes me all the more thankful that you still allow me -- all of us -- to have the privelege of being a part of your lives!

 
At 9:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart aches for you tonight. I have "heard" you say it before and you must remember that tomorrow is only a few hours away and tomorrow always holds the promise of new hope. May you and Ashley have a very restful night tonight. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and those you have had to leave behind so that you may be with Ashley.

 
At 9:18 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Trish,

You never have to explain yourself to anyone out here sweetie. Those of us who love you and Ashley know the struggle you have each and every moment of the day. You are right where God intended you to be, with your baby. You and Dave are the most wonderful parents I know. I admire your courage. Courage does not always roar like a lion. It is that small voice inside that says "I will try again tomorrow". And I know you will. My heart hurts for you tonight, but I know that God is lifting you up and giving you peace and rest. It might not have happened today for Ashley, but it will happen in Gods perfect time Trish, it will. I love you guys and continue praying for a miracle for Ashley.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

 
At 9:19 PM , Blogger Mamita J said...

I'm so very sorry today has been so difficult. I don't usually comment, but I read every day and pray for your little Ashley.

As far as I can see, your decisions have always honored God and were made out of love for Ashley. That's all He asks of us.

I pray that the God of all peace would wrap you in His arms tonight and you would sleep sound in Jesus.

God bless your family.

In Christ,
Julie

 
At 9:19 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Oh Trish - I am so sorry - I am so sorry for today - the disappointment - the pain of watching your little one struggle to breathe...I cannot imagine walking in your shoes. I do not know what to say to encourage you or to help ease the burden so I will be in prayer for you! Love to you guys and I pray Ashley has a restful night! Sunshine

 
At 9:21 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

There will always be negative people that feel they have the right to criticize you and your actions. Don't let them bring you down or cause you to doubt your decisions. It is obvious to all of us who truly care about what is going on that you are a wonderful, loving, caring family. Always know that we will continue to lift your family up in prayers and that God has His hand in all of this.

 
At 9:23 PM , Blogger Debi said...

I just found your sight this week and have been checking on you many times during the day. I was up until 3am this morning reading Ashley's story. My heart has been so touched. What an amazing journey! Like so many have commented, I also feel like a part of your family. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I join the rest of our "family" in praying for you all the way from Arkansas.

 
At 9:26 PM , Anonymous Grandma said...

I'm praying for Ash's breathing issues and for her to come off that vent permanently, and for your hearts to be healed. When you hurt, the whole family hurts. Nobody, and I mean nobody has the right to judge you except for God Himself! I love you all and I'm very proud of you all! My prayers will not stop. Love, Grandma

 
At 9:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart is heavy and the tears fall easily. I have followed this blog for over a year and it is obvious you are a close loving family caught up in extraordinary circumstances and doing the very best for your youngest beloved daughter. How could I do anything else but admire your strength, love and courage? I can only offer to lift your family up in prayer. May you all have a restful night of healing.

 
At 9:29 PM , Blogger Dee Dee said...

I agree. Please don't feel like you have to defend your right actions. It's the Lord you answer to, and He certainly knows. I'm sorry you have had to contend with not feeling understood, on top of the harrowing day you have had with your dear child.
Do you have an idea what the next hurdles are? Does she just need more time to heal before they can try it again? Is she doing okay now, back on the vent?

 
At 9:34 PM , Anonymous Pam said...

Trish and Dave,
I've followed your story for the past several weeks and have prayed for you each time I've read it. As the mother of 3 grown children, I appreciate so much the dedication and love that you continue to show all three of your precious gifts. Your faith is inspiring; you have given me much to think and pray about. I will continue to pray for you and for the peace that can only come through trusting Jesus Christ to take you through each day. Hold onto His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. In Him, Pam from SC

 
At 9:35 PM , Blogger Heidi said...

Standing in agreement with everyone here. I cannot understand what you are going through, but I live weth severe severe chronic illnesses and have also endured many people who seem to think that I'm doing everything wrong and that they know best what would heal my body. So I just want to encourage you that there are those of us out here who will never demand an explanation or claim there's something that you could do better, because as you said until we are in your shoes we can never understand.

I'm continuing to pray, and asking others to as well. Thank you for keeping us updated.

 
At 9:35 PM , Blogger Gretchen said...

You owe none of us a thing. Period. But I, for one, thank you for giving me the opportunity to pray for such an amazing family. I hope to MIRL, but cannot wait to meet in heaven. What a party.

 
At 9:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You guys are loved and prayed for by so many! I know that sharing Ashley's story must be really hard at times, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your life with us. I am so thankful for you!!!! You and Dave are absolutely wonderful parents!!
Praying with all of my heart for Ashley and your entire family! Sending lots of hugs your way!

Love,
Lisa

 
At 9:42 PM , Blogger Elizabeth S said...

Because of you and your sweet blessing Ashley Kate, I cherish my kids more everyday. I hug them tight and they never question how much I love them. Thank you for blessing me with your story. God never gives us more than we can handle, and he chose you to be Ashley's parents for a reason. You are amazing, amazing people. Praying...

 
At 9:44 PM , Blogger Cindi said...

Trish

I stand beside you tonight my sweet blogging friend. You are an amazing Mom to one amazing PICKLE! While we can not understand some of the hurtful comments that have been left here, we must unite to pray for them as we pray for you and Ashley. No one has the right to judge you, condemn you, or for that matter upset you. You and Dave are the only ones who know what is right for the little pickle.

I pray tonight not only for Ashley's vent, but next weekends logistics. I don't know God's plan, but what an amazing birthday gift it would be if Ashley were able to join you at Allie's party. Can you see her face? We will pray for that and if it is not God's plan, we will pray for Dave to work out travel arrangements without difficulty.

Hang in there. You have tons more people praying for you than wondering what you are doing. God knew what he was doing when he placed Ashely in your family. Allie and Blake are great siblings, and you and Dave are AMAZING parents.

We pray tonight for peace, patience, and understanding. Tomorrow is only a few hours away.

Cindi in OK

 
At 9:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hoping and praying for healing.

 
At 9:48 PM , Blogger CrownLaidDown said...

Continuing to pray for each of you, and especially Ashley Kate.
Love,
holly

 
At 9:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying.
Beth

 
At 9:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your family back home. Thinking of Ashley all through the weekend and sorry that you had to see something that would be a parents nightmare. I pray that Jesus will ease the memory of that and allow you to focus on something positive...That you will get sleep and that Ashley will heal and get stronger. We got your back...COlleen

 
At 9:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your family back home. Thinking of Ashley all through the weekend and sorry that you had to see something that would be a parents nightmare. I pray that Jesus will ease the memory of that and allow you to focus on something positive...That you will get sleep and that Ashley will heal and get stronger. We got your back...COlleen

 
At 9:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an RN, and a mother of a diabetic, epileptic son. I know about the zombie-dom of hospital and the hours beside the bed. I don't know what it is like to walk your journey but I wanted to tell you how angry it makes me that someone, ANYONE, would presume to judge it. You have all my compassion and that comes unreservedly because I know that nothing else matters when the life of your child is precarious.

gracie

 
At 9:59 PM , Blogger happy gram said...

i just keep thinking of what wonderful lessons blake and allie are being taught and how who they will become as adults will be shaped by this experience - they will know compassion, tenderness, sacrifice, selflessness, humility. i could go on and on. most important they will know love.

 
At 10:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Lord, wrap your Loving arms around this precious child and her family. My prayers are with you in this difficult time. I pray for God's will to be done.
Love,
Robin

 
At 10:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow...I haven't been reading all the comments lately and was not expecting this. I did however read them after this post. Trish I am very sorry AGAIN....that you have to endure things like this! UGH!
I can promise you this...from this home there will NEVER be any judgments on you or Dave! We only commend you both for what you are doing! I think you both are amazing people! Please try not to let the devil interfere! We think you are wonderful parents!
To Take a child in your home like you and Dave have is truly amazing...some people can't even do that with their own children! I do not mean this as if Ashley is not your own child because she is. I know this. I have seen with my own eyes parents that have rejected their special needs children. It is truly heartbreaking. You and Dave are AWESOME...nothing in this world can ever make me feel differently! I will be reading the comments from now on before I post. I had no idea! My question to you earlier was purely innocent. I am very sorry that I posted it at the same time such negativity was going on Trish!
I think the world of you all.
I am still praying for Ashley to get better....praying for strength for all of you....as always!
May God continue His Blessings for your family!
~Okla

 
At 10:12 PM , Blogger Morgy's Mama said...

I've often walked away from reading a post and immediately loved on my Morgan. Ashley and the rest of her family are very real reminders of how precious and brief life is. I am praying for Ashley daily and I thank God that you are sweet enough to share her story with us.

 
At 10:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have no tolerance of someone/anyone who does not have the intelligence, decency and spirit to comfort when given the chance. You guys are to be bolstered at all times. You are travelling a tough road, and must be super parents to three really deserving kids. There is no playbook for such a life. You guys are doing it all, and doing it all well. In addition to meeting the needs of all the kids and their active lives, Dave has a business. How many families in this situation fall apart? Many. And that is because the grown ups put their own needs ahead of the family. I cannot praise YOU enough. Ashley needs and deserves to be comforted as much as humanly possible as she and you fight for her future. Your smile, your hands and your voice are the world to her. You do the same thing for your other kids. What some people do not understand is that you normally will "divide and conquer" with the parenting. But this one has been scary. You needed each other. You get a lot of strength from God. You got a little strength from us. You did NOT deserve anything else. Get some sleep!
Micki

 
At 10:22 PM , Blogger The Rutland Family said...

I have never met you or anyone in your family, but you have convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are a wonderful mother. God gave Ashley Kate to your family because He knew that you would do exactly what He wanted you to do with her. He already knows the decisions that you make even before you make them. He entrusted Ashley into your care and He doesn't make mistakes. He chose you all for a reason and I for one think that reason is quite obvious! You two seem to be amazing parents to all three of your children. God knew that you would love them all unconditionally just as He loves us. Keep your head high and trust the decisions that you make. From what I know about you and Dave, you don't rush into any decisions. God has His hand in every decision that you make.
Know that you have many people praying for you in Georgia.
Because He lives, we CAN face tomorrow.
God Bless and many prayers for a restful night.
Pam

 
At 10:24 PM , Blogger Shari said...

Trish:

I am catching up after being gone for the weekend. My goodness, it seems that Satan always tries to get in the way of things on this website. The comments that aren't needed and what not. I have been praying for Ashley and your family for a long time. Your entries here and your honesty have made me grow up! I have learned so much on how to love my children more and hug them tightly. How to be involved with them and just cherish them. I thank you so much for all the lessons I have learned besides the ones on parenting my own boys. I do not believe I have ever told you this, but I will. My husband and I DO know what it's like to have a critically ill child. The decisions, hospitals, and other's judgements and criticisms. You see, our youngest son got very ill when he was six weeks old. He has spinal meningitis and then a stomach infection on top of it. He was ventilated and in a coma for 15days. Countless times the Doctors and our family kept telling us to take him off the support. He will be a NOTHING. How can any child be a nothing just because they don't function like us? We pressed on and we prayed and he is still with us today. Yes, he has some problems that affect him, but he is a loving, sweet, affectionate little boy. God gave him back to us and spared his life. He was in the hospital and to doctors' offices more in his first 9 months than I have in a lifetime I think. When I started reading Ashley's story I realized that I had lost "touch" with my parenting. It's because of this site that God used you to help my husband and me. I am forever grateful and I love you folks very much! Nothing will ever change that.

I am sorry this is so long. I hope this encourages you.

I am praying everyday and loving you from afar!

Take care!

Shari

 
At 10:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that someone would be so mean to you at a time like this. You are a wondeful mother.

I have been praying desperately for your little Ashley. I woke up at 3am crying for your little baby.

There are people all over this country who are praying for you and your family.

I hope you are able to get some rest tonight.

Praying for you all,
Andrea

 
At 10:29 PM , Anonymous HomeFree said...

I just read those comments from a previous poster, and I am not sure what was intended but also not worthy of my heart to judge. I do know that sometimes people protect themselves by making assumptions of what they would have done, or would do as a way to deny accepting that it could indeed be them. forgive me for speaking in these terms, (as I make no assumptions in regard to God's plan for Ashley or your family) but dealing with a gravely ill child is a lot for most parents to ever contenmplate since it is secretly every mothers biggest fear.

I just want you to know that I understand your pain. I have been there more than once. I am praying for your entire family, especially Ashley. I am praying that God will comfort those who's fears get in the way of comforting others when they truly need it. I guess in some ways they may be in need of our prayers the most.

 
At 10:29 PM , Anonymous mom2three said...

Still lifting you up in prayer!! Lots of love from Nebraska! :)

 
At 10:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your family ( including God) is inside your bubble, outside that bubble, nothing matters. You are a kind woman, never listen to the mean spirited chatter of people who don't really care about you & your family! Sending the prayers in your bubble as fast & hard as we can!

 
At 10:36 PM , Blogger ManyBlessings said...

Never, ever apologize for doing what you can to save your baby. Never. Life is precious. And because of your story, a lot less of us are taking the lives of our loved ones for granted.

God bless you.
d

 
At 10:56 PM , Blogger The Dean Family said...

Trish,
Know that you are loved. Mostly because you have given such love to your own family. My heart aches for you even though I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I am praying for a night of rest and a fresh good start tomorrow. Praying for Ash to be breathing on her own. Praying always.
Love,
Angela

 
At 11:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying~for strength for each day, courage to face the mountains the devil throws at you, and the peace that passes ALL natural understanding.

Thank you for continuing to share Ashley's testimony with us. And that's exactly what it is-a testimony for God's glory. God has showed me so much through your walk. Though I don't walk in your shoes, I learn each day by your example of steadfastness and faith to never take for granted the days with my seven children and to press on during the trials because God will give me what I need when I need it as He has you.

With much love in Christ! TM in WV

 
At 11:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Trish - my heart just breaks for you. I have learned that when I see an ugly, hurtful post, not to say anything because it isn't my place (for ME). I only want to encourage, comfort, lift you up, with ANY comment that I make. I can't imagine why there are just a few who feel the opposite. After following Ashley's story for over a year, I have come to feel "protective" of you guys. When I read an ugly comment, it truly is like a stab to my heart.

I can only pray that I can be half the mommy that you are, half the Christian..with half the faith you have. You truly do humble me.

I can't even begin to understand where you are on this journey but I can tell you this: if my son were sick or have ANYTHING wrong with him, I would move heaven and earth to save him. There is NOTHING that I would NOT do for him. I would fight for him and do anything I had to in order for his body to heal. I truly think I could slay a dragon! (Suddenly, Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment comes to mind!) I have only admired you and learned from you through this.

I truly wish there were some way that I could protect your heart and keep your eyes from seeing ANYTHING other than uplifting, loving, sympathetic, encouraging posts on here. I know that I can't but I can pray for that...for you and I do. I pray that our Lord will just place a hedge of protection around your heart, that only desires to serve Him and give Him the glory, and He would shield you from seeing anything ugly.

So many of us are praying. So many of us support you. So many of us have NEVER questioned you. Our Father is the same way. You only answer to Him...and the only vision I see when I think of the choices you have made, the way you have handled yourself AND your family, is Him saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Thank you for loving Me and thankful you for always placing Me first."

You are loved...
In Christ~
Amy and Kyle

 
At 11:16 PM , Anonymous Ann said...

Dear Trish,

I foud your blog several days ago...Well, found it by accident would be more appropriate :)

I have read this blog, and my heart just aches for everything that your family has had to go through. It can't be easy, but you certainly have found unmeasurable strength, and I am sure that it is your strength and courage that keeps little Ashley strong.

I really hope that she will be able to come off the vent soon.

I thank you and your husband for being brave enough to share your daughters story with everyone. I check this page several times a day to get an update on her. I pray for her and for you and your family.

 
At 11:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,
I'm still here praying for Ashley, and the rest of your family.
Mary from Monterey, CA

 
At 11:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the Adams---Thinking of you and wishing you a night of rest and a day of peace tomorrow...a new day. I keep you in my thoughts daily and check in on Ash each time I'm at my computer.

Let's not acknowledge those off-the-wall comments that really don't warrant a response. We all know why the Adams' parents are making the choices they are making. Let's leave comments of support and ignore the villans as if their comments are unheard.

Prayers from MN,

Heather

 
At 11:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

With tears streaming down my face, all I can say is "I'm sorry". I'm sorry Ashley wasn't able to get off the vent. I'm sorry your trip outside the walls of the hospital was not what you hoped it would be. I'm sorry your heart is hurting. I'm sorry it is hurting even more due to the poor judgement of others. I'm sorry you are facing another week away from your home. I'm sorry Dave has to leave you in a few hours. I'm sorry is all I can say, but praying is what I will do...

Take care...good night from California (it's still early here, but that time change has me kind of sleepy!)

 
At 12:54 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMGosh...we continue to pray for ashley kate, dave & trish! Yes, we are tired! This journey has worn on all of us! BUT...we have the faith to carry on, because God wants us too! We carry on because HE does not want us to give up hope. Ashley Kate was put on this Earth to carry a purpose & we have to decide what that purpose is...it is up to us!!!!! We pray for Ashley Kate every minute, every hour, every day! I pray father that you rejoice in ashley kate! Father, i want ashley kate to be my encouragement each & every day...father, please use me to benefit ashley kate each & every day!

 
At 12:54 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMGosh...we continue to pray for ashley kate, dave & trish! Yes, we are tired! This journey has worn on all of us! BUT...we have the faith to carry on, because God wants us too! We carry on because HE does not want us to give up hope. Ashley Kate was put on this Earth to carry a purpose & we have to decide what that purpose is...it is up to us!!!!! We pray for Ashley Kate every minute, every hour, every day! I pray father that you rejoice in ashley kate! Father, i want ashley kate to be my encouragement each & every day...father, please use me to benefit ashley kate each & every day!

 
At 2:36 AM , Anonymous Kay said...

I don't post very often but would like to let you all know that we are praying several times every day for Ashley and your family. I can't begin to imagine the agony of a parent watching a child suffer--or the fear or frustration of a toddler in Ashley's situation. We can only hope that God gives strength equal to need and trust that He is in perfect control of everything.

Thank you again for sharing. May God and all His angels wrap their loving arms around your family and friends and protect them and nurture them this night.

God bless you all.
Kay (He Gently Calls Us)

 
At 2:44 AM , Blogger Roo said...

God bless your mothers heart. my aches for you as i read your post.

i am not sure how i found you but i will be praying for you and your precious little family. For beautiful Ashley.

 
At 3:39 AM , Blogger Annie said...

We are praying for Ashley and your whole family. We are especially praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

I can't believe that someone would post comments so hurtful. We have never been in the situation you are in with Ashley right now, but my husband and I missed our oldest son's sixth birthday due to being in the hospital with our youngest son. Parents who have never been through that do not understand what goes on in our hearts. (I hope it's okay...I'm just going to say "our" because everything I have read on your blog is exactly how my family feels.) All of your children are obviously VERY loved just as my children are. I know in my situation my son missed us but was worried about his baby brother and even at his young age wanted us to be with Joel making sure he got better so he could come home. He was with his Grammy and Grampy who made sure he had a great birthday and he was happy. I'm sure that's how Allie will feel if you are not able to make it home for her birthday. If you are able to, Praise The Lord! Parents with special needs children have to make extremely difficult decisions which most of the time are very painful to our hearts, but we have to do it. Regarding birthdays, even though the exact day is special and heartbreaking to miss, it is just that...a SPECIAL DAY! And a child will enjoy having that special day with their parents whenever they are able to return from the hospital.

I also wanted to say to anonymous who commented on the last post that just because a child is very sick and in pain does not mean you give up on that child. God has given us the responsibility and love as parents to never give up on your child, always to try and give them the best life possible, and never give up in hoping for a miracle. That is all we can do. My baby got his miracle for now and I am praying WITH ALL MY HEART that Ashley will get hers.

Keep up the good work, Trish. And know that with every post I read, I wish I could reach out and give you a hug.

Love & prayers,
Annie in CA
lovejoelr.blogspot.com

 
At 5:28 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still here beside you praying. Still trusting God. Just reminding you it is always safe to trust the Lord with all your needs. Lean on Him. He is very good at carrying big and little girls.

Prayer Mom

 
At 6:12 AM , Blogger Wendy said...

you on this? The absolute love and devotion you feel for you family pours through every word you write. It is easy to love during the normal times, but it takes a true parent to love with such determination through the hard times. Why do some people feel they have the right to judge others? There is only one judgement day in our lives and it is not here on earth.

I am so, so sorry. For everything. My heart just aches for all of you. I will continue praying and hoping....

 
At 6:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wise words, I will treasure my kids today. I am still praying for your little pickle and for you and Dave. You've been through so much - I pray that you will experience the peace and comfort of His Spirit and that you will sense His arms of love wrapped around you today. In His Grace, Laurie in Pennsylvania.

 
At 6:43 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for you all this morning!
Love and hugs,
Lori

 
At 6:45 AM , Anonymous K said...

It's going to be okay.

 
At 6:52 AM , Blogger Amy said...

I am so sorry for all of your pain. I am sorry that there are others out there that are judging you for you doing what you feel is right for your family.

I will continue to pray for your family.

I was in the hospital with my 9 month old for 3 days this week and all I could think of was you and your strength. I don't know how you do it, but I know you do it for that sweet girl and would do it all over again.

Praying for strength to face today.

Amy

 
At 6:56 AM , Anonymous Andrea B. said...

I'm praying for you guys!

 
At 7:07 AM , Blogger Colleen said...

Continuing to pray for your dear, sweet baby. Your Father in Heaven feels this kind of love for YOU. He knows your hurt and pain, Ashley's, too. He is with you.

 
At 7:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gods blessings for Ashley and her family.
An Alabama Grandmother

 
At 7:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for what has happened and my heart hurts for you. I will continue to pray for you all. God Bless...Leigh Ann

 
At 7:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, Dave, Praying for a better day for the littlest pickle. It's easy to judge when your not walking in someone elses shoes, but one who will never judge is our Almighty God.May he wrap his arms tightly around you all and guide you safely thru this hurdle. God Bless..Karen.

 
At 7:36 AM , Blogger The Morris Family said...

Dear Precious Family,
Stay in there and do all you have the ability to do....I know your pain, your love, your fight, we had to go to the front lines, but our little 3 year old twin lost the fight in Jan. 23rd, 2007 to a monsterous battle of neuroblastoma cancer, as he was diagn. in Dec. 06. Our fight was extra difficult as Joel had a seizure and was declared brain dead and the DR. took us to court and tried to force us to unplug our son from life support. Our view of death is from the scripture, life is in the blood and his blood was flowing and his heart beating, and until all that stopped naturally, he was living! Keep praying, pleading God's mercy, ALL things are possible with Him!! Praying for sweet Ashley. Her pictures look all to familiar, my little Joel experienced much of the same, PICU, vents, ect... May the Lord strengthen and give you great grace to keep on, they are his reward to us!!
Cindy Morris
weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com

 
At 7:47 AM , Blogger GrumpyBear in Blue said...

I have been reading about the journey of sweet Ashley for quite some time now, but I have never felt like I had any words to leave for you, but today I feel that I do.
I don't know if someone questioned your judgements or not, but believe me, I certainly hope they did not. You are doing a wonderful job (in my opinon) and you should never feel that you have to answer for your decisions where your family is concerned. You are the only one that knows the complete situation and because of that you (and your husband, son & daughters) are the only ones that have the right to make the choices. We don't know for 100% what is happening and it is not our place. I hope that people stop questioning/condemning your choices. They are yours and yours alone.
You are in my thoughts.
Take care.
Angie

 
At 7:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Morning and God Bless You today....praying for Ashley today and that she will make some steps in the right direction to get off that vent. I can't imagine how tired and frail you must be too. I am praying for Ashley, Trish, Dave, Blake and Allie ....you have become such an inspiration to so many of us.

 
At 7:54 AM , Blogger The Adoption Of William said...

I am so sorry :( Please know we are praying for all of you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, I have no idea. I can just pray and send love and thoughts your way.

With Love and Hope,

Jen-William's Mom

 
At 8:02 AM , Blogger Carey said...

My heart aches for you and your family today! I can only imagine the pain you are going through, and i wish i can make it easier for all of you. Im praying for you all. God loves you and your 3 beautiful children! Thank you for telling us all like it is, and being honest. Its what we all need to do with our family and friends. May God be with you always.

 
At 8:09 AM , Blogger Dkswife said...

I don't even try to understand or question what you and your husband are faced with. It's not my place to do that at all.

God, it just makes me sick inside that you both are in that place and your baby is struggling.

Prayers will continue as always, and as I pray for Gods Will for your baby, I pray for you two to keep the faith.

((Hugs for you all))

 
At 8:19 AM , Blogger missy said...

Trish,

I am constantly in awe of you as a mother. You inspire and amaze me. I do not understand how anyone could venture to question you or your decisions. You have THREE children, one of them isn't disposable for the sake of the others, and anyone who thinks so is either not a mother or not like any mother I know.

I pray for ALL of your children because they are truly all in need of prayer, but I am of the opinion that your two oldest are going to grow up to be exceptional BECAUSE of all this, not in spite of it. God has a plan for them and He knew every day they'd be away from you, He incorporated those days into His plan!

Be strong, know we are all praying. Ashley WILL get through this and be breathing on her own soon.

 
At 8:19 AM , Blogger kingfamily said...

Praying for rest and peace today for you Trish. Praying especially for healing for Ashley. I thank God for what wonderful caring parents you and Dave are. I pray for strength so you can keep running the race.
Love & Blessings,
Brandi in PA

 
At 8:22 AM , Blogger Michelle said...

Trish, I am so sorry that the extubation was not as you had hoped. Maybe Ash just needs to heal just a little more and the next time they try she will succeed. I will pray for that. I am praying for all of you.

 
At 8:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are doing everything humanly possible. You have the most beautful children, all three. I can only hope my children turn out as wonderful as yours. They are so very blessed. Everyday you show them love, without fail. You are an inspiration!
Praying in CT.
Heidi

 
At 9:03 AM , Anonymous Sharon said...

Please don't feel like you need to defend your choices to the world. The only one you are accountable to is God Himself. He can see how much you love and care for your children and how much you love and trust in Him. It is amazing how you share your story with the world. We are privileged to get a snapshot of your lives through your journal and to lift you up in prayer to our Heavenly Father.

Love in Christ,
Sharon

 
At 9:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, Keep on being as strong as you can muster for your little fighter! When you cannot be strong ask God to fill in the gaps for you.

As a paren tof three earthly children and one who is an angel and was taken home to be with Jesus at a mere 19 months, I know how precious every moment is with my children. I pray that your dear Ashley continues to make strides and defy all the doctors' expectations. Lifting you up in prayer today.

-Mary Ellen, Connecticut

 
At 9:10 AM , Anonymous Jule White said...

Praying and holding you close to my heart. As a mother, my heart hurts for you. Praying today for a better day and for baby steps. Ash is a fighter.....God planted that in her.

Loving all of you,
Jule White

 
At 9:12 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember God will NEVER give you more then you can handle!!!! He knew the right place for Ashley an it was with a loving family like you guys!!! Your story is really an inspiration to many. We are praying for you an your family.

 
At 9:23 AM , Blogger hennhouse said...

Praying.

 
At 9:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stephanie - KCMO
We prayed aloud for Ashley to get off the vent yesterday at church and I'll keep praying for that until it happens. I hope you get your plans worked out to be able to fly for Allison's birthday. If KC is a better location and I can help in anyway, please let me know. I feel such friendship and love for your family. May God bless you and keep you close to Him so that you can tell us all the miracles that you see. Love, Stephanie

 
At 9:31 AM , Blogger Paulette said...

You know while there are one's who judge, there are many many more who do not. This world is full of nay sayers Trish but please keep your focus on one's who are sent to support you in your walk.
The Bible clearly states "DO NOT JUDGE, lest ye be judged.
I do not walk in your shoes but I walk beside your family and I always will, I am here to uplift you in prayer, please know you are supported.
I am fervently praying today.

 
At 9:43 AM , Anonymous Lisa said...

Still praying God's will be done, praying for comfort peace and rest for all.

 
At 9:47 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have nothing to prove, you have shown me that I can be a better mother.
I have prayed for Ashley and for your family.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Mary in Michigan

 
At 9:50 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

In spite of the circumstances that caused you to start this blog, I really enjoy reading it... It makes me smile the way you talk about Blake and Allie and Ashley and I can hear the love for them from you and Dave as you talk about yer children, no matter the subject area. I only hope that when I have kids my love for them is so obvious and that they feel it as Im sure your's do... Your life is such an encouragement to me... I know I won't come close to understanding what it's been like for you and yer family but I cherish your openness, vulnerability and honesty, as well as your love. And the faith you and Dave have in God have is amazing. You guys have taught me sooo much!! Even though its not easy. I will probably never meet ya's but oh how I wish I could. In heaven :) WHen I see the babies in our local hospital and when I am holding them, I think of Ashley and yer family. You's are never forgotten in prayer! Amber in Canada

 
At 10:10 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't posted but maybe once or twice but have followed Ashley's story since transplant, praying for her and your family. Although my situation was different in that it was not ongoing, our little girl lost her fight after surgery at 3 days, it was much the same. Noone can understand a mother's heart sitting by a bed in the PICU watching one child struggle and fight for life knowing you have to and want to be there for them, but having your heart break because you know you are also missed and needed at home. My prayers will not only be for Ashley and the family in general, but for you Trish. Praying that God will ease the pain your heart feels and give you the strength you need to make it through each day.
With love and understanding of the pain your feeling,
Wendy
Longview

 
At 10:46 AM , Blogger Sun said...

Good Morning! We are praying and hoping today brought good news! Sunshine

 
At 10:54 AM , Anonymous Chris in Atlanta said...

Oh sweet family. How sad I am to read about the going ons around you. First and foremost, let's thank God for the wonderful things he has and is going to do for us today. I am glad that Dave was able to make it back for the weekend and that you had some time with your husband. I know that Ashlet enjoyed having her father there with her. I am sure she heard him and knew he was there.
I am so sorry to hear that the recent attempts failed but it might just not be the right time. You want what is best for Ashley and she may still be in need of rest. I fully believe with all my heart that God is in control of your situation and better days are ahead. I know that you other children and so blessed to have you as their parents and they will understand you being away. They had much rather have you with Ashley now than for her to be alone.
As for the anonymous posting, just take it as the devil coming to kill, steal and destroy your thoughts. He comes in darkness to take joy and strength. If the devil was not fighting you right now, then you wouldn't be doing something right. Words are easy and actions are hard, so hang in there.

You are doing wonderful and I pray for betters days, weeks, months and years ahead. Stand on you faith and lean on those who are pulling you along.

 
At 10:55 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog for awhile now and I am truely inspired by your faithfulness. You two are amazing parents and it's so obvious how much you love ALL 3 of your children. Your children are so lucky to be so loved and sweet Ashley is so blessed to have you by her side as she fights and fights to breath on her own. From what I've read in your journal you have an amazing family. Stay strong! You give me so much to think about and pray about in my life. Thank you for inspiring me and encouraging me to be the best mom and Christian that I can be. You folks are amazing! I am praying constantly for sweet little Ashley.

Love and prayers from Oklahoma,
Jennifer in OKC

 
At 11:03 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hang in there Trish! You are a wonderful mom, and I can only imagine that the decisions that need to be made are not easy. Please do not let any comments bring you down. Remember 99% of them are here to give you and your family strength to continue this journey. The other 1%, just do not get it. All we can do is pray for them. Prayers are being sent your way over and over again and also to your wonderful family in Longview!

 
At 11:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should never have to defend the choices that you make for your family and I am sorry to hear that sometimes people put you in a position where you feel that you need to. It is obvious that you love your children deeply and would do whatever you feel is right to help them through all that they have to endure. I am sure that you did not expect things to be like this when you adopted Ashley, but this is the path that you have had to take and you inspire me daily with the faith that you take it with. My prayers are with you daily.

 
At 11:38 PM , Blogger Ivy Vega from www.ivysmind.com said...

Your words are like rocks in my heart. How I wish for you not to hurt. I don't know you, and I barely know the history of baby Ashley. But I pray that our loving heavenly father can hold in you in HIs arms and let you know that it will be ok.
Trish, your baby girl needs you, be strong.

 

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