Emotions

Frustration. Disappointment. Anxiety. Sadness. Bummed out. Irritated.

So many emotions involved when things don't go right. Ashley's line placement was unsuccessful and heartbreaking. It was attempted at her bedside while Dave and I sat in the corner of her room. First vein didn't work. Second vein didn't work. Third vein didn't feel right, but it could have been so the line was wired in and we all hoped for the best. The x-ray showed that it went into the left subclavian vein and instead of turning down toward the heart it went across to the right subclavian. So the line can't be used and she must be scheduled for the OR sometime tomorrow. My stomach is in knots.

We still have to keep the femoral line in the right side of her groin. We still have to keep the catheter in her bladder. We still have to keep the arterial line in the left side of her groin. We lost ground on the ventilator and must work throughout the evening to regain the settings she had accomplished. She may prove to be too worn out from the procedure and the sedation.

How we wish it would have been scheduled for the OR to begin with and how we wish things would just be a little easier for Ashley Kate. It just never is.

On the other side of Ashley's life we have experienced more joy, peace, happiness, excitement, and fulfillment than words could ever describe. On those days we have made memories to last a lifetime. We have laughed until we have cried. We have really lived.

This journey we are on is not always easy, but has proven to be blessed. Usually things have a way of turning out for her good and knowing that is what helps us keep our sanity on days like this. Our sweet Ashley is a miracle and knowing He gave her this life for His purpose and His plan to be accomplished makes the bad days endurable. We are both a little sick about what happened this afternoon, but I am thankful she is resting and has no idea what just took place.