On the Schedule

I had hoped they would not be adding her name to this mornings schedule of procedures. I had really hoped to avoid it, but I was just informed that Ash would be having another bronchoscopy today. I have not seen her chest x-ray yet, but I am assuming that the lung did not open up through the aggressive therapy last night. Yesterday they told me if it didn't open then they would have to bronch her. So I am putting two and two together. I don't know what time it will be, but if you would remember to pray I would be grateful. It makes me nervous to go down into her sick lungs for the second time in less than a week. I was told it could go either way. It could help to wash out and open up that lung or it could make her very, very sick by spreading the "stuff"(whatever it is, no one knows) around in the lung. Invasive procedures aren't on the top of my my list of treatments. I would have rather her made a turn around by this point, but it is not to be.

I promised myself and my nurse that there would be no tears today. It is time that I got myself pulled together. I've done this before. Ash has done this before. She has been in this position before, and we can do this again. She is the toughest kid I know and by His grace this setback will not keep her from coming home and living life again. I have to believe that this morning in order to keep the fear out of my heart. Some day I'm going to learn to be just as strong as our Ashley Kate.

Her heart rate remains really high and we just haven't been able to figure it out. She has no fever and her blood pressure remains stable. Both of those are huge things she has going for her right now. There are still no positive cultures from anywhere. There are still no answers. All we know is that her lungs have been injured and they must recover before she can come home.

I can tell you that she is precious and I love her. Each morning as I look at her I feel so amazingly blessed to be her mommy. She is beautiful. One of her little hands has returned to its normal size and so I am able to hold it without worrying about hurting her. I think I'll spend most of my day doing just that. Her skin is so warm and soft, and I can't wait to have the opportunity to scoop her up and hold her close to me again. I miss this baby so much!


Thank you for showing up here this morning. Your prayers and your presence are felt. My heart knows that we are not alone even though it seems that we are. I will update when I have more details about the day. Take care my friends. Trish