I miss...

...Having her home.

...Watching her play.

...Seeing her smile.

...Dressing her up.

...Hearing her giggle.

...Feeling her hugs.

...Holding her hand.

...The twinkle in her eye.

...Snuggling in close.

...Blues Clues.


The doctors are stumped. There are no answers. She is so sick...it seems...for no reason. All they did this morning was shake their heads. In the next 24 hours we will stop the anit biotics. We have been blasting her with everyone you have ever heard of and some you haven't and if nothing is there ther is no reason to continue. She is swollen beyond recognition and I can't bare to show you how bad she looks this morning. She is stable, but she is still gone from me. It is so hard to find her without being able to look at the twinkle in those eyes. I kiss her head a thousand times and she doesn't even know I'm near. Her tiny hands and feet are so huge with fluid. I'm afraid to hold them because they look so very painful. I love this child. I love her so much it physically hurts. I try to sing "itsy bitsy spider for her, but can't finish it without sobbing. I miss my baby gherkin.

Dave is sitting at the airport. He missed his first flight. Got placed on stand-bye. Turned in the rental car. Realized he had left his car keys here at the hospital. Called a cab. Came back and kissed us girls good-bye. Missed his second flight and is now waiting stand bye on another. It has been a rough morning for him. He is hoping to get called on the next flight that leaves in about 30 minutes. He will fly into Shreveport to retrieve his car from the hospital or the airport or somewhere there(I can't remember what happened with his car the night we left). He was planning on meeting Blake at baseball practice this afternoon and is still hoping to catch some of it. He is sad to be sitting in Omaha, but not sitting here with us. So close, but so far.

Its been a lonely morning. Lonlier because Dave is gone and Ash is too. She is here, but she is not. He really helps when he is here. We laugh. We visit. We hang out. For now its just me waiting on our baby to wake up and play. Hopefully Dave will be able to come back next weekend.

I think it will be a slow day. I don't think they are going to make any changes with Ash. We are basically letting her rest on the vent while her lungs heal and we look for answers. I may try and catch up on my sleep. We haven't gotten much over the last five days. Again, I say thank you for your prayers. I don't know where we would be without them. Trish