Swallow Hard

Swallow hard, fight the tears, and refuse to allow my heart to sting. Thats my plan.

Focus on the freedom, the ease, the independence it brings to her. Thats my plan.

This morning its not working, but I'm trying.

In the beginning I never dreamed this day would arrive, but for the past year or so I have known we were inching this direction with each inch she grew and each little pound she gained. We have been preparing our hearts, the children's hearts and our home for this day. I think more than anything its fear that we are facing. Just afraid of how life will work now. Afraid that others will look and KNOW she's disabled. Afraid of labels, and stigma, and questions, and finding the courage to share without shedding tears.

I still struggle with wanting normalcy for Ashley Kate, but truth be told she is so much more than just normal. I wouldn't trade this beautiful, amazing, miracle for anything. Not even legs that worked without a fight. I wouldn't. I couldn't love her more if I tried.

At some point today her chair will arrive. It will be here. In our home. I wonder what we will do then? I'm just not sure.

We still have no idea how we will be transporting it. We haven't found a lift system and haven't had the Explorer converted yet. I'm not even sure if it will fit in the Explorer, but thats our primary vehicle so something will work out. Somehow.

Hey, at least its PINK! ( Although, had I known she was going to fall head over heels in love with Lightning McQueen from the Cars movie I might have gotten it in red with his number on the base. Just kidding, not my baby girl!)

Swallow hard, fight the tears, ignore the sting. Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan. I can do this. We can do this. Its a blessing for her and for us. Its a blessing.

Swallow hard. Then repeat.

Then repeat.