Hard to believe

I'm sitting here 700 miles from home and wondering just how I got here and trying to figure out why this has happened. To be honest, I'm not getting anywhere. I just don't think there are answers to my questions. For some unknown, unbelievable reason Ash and I are here again. We don't want to be. Really we don't.

So today we did...nothing...except what we have been doing all week long in the other hospitals. No magic. I told you there was none. We've not heard from pathology, we've not treated anything, we've not done anything but sit here in a little room all day long.

Ashley is sad. Weak and sad. She has been awake for longer periods today and that is encouraging. She did sign a few requests this afternoon and she has not been signing with us for days. Her stool output and fluid losses from the bowel are the culprit at this time. This is why she is weak and unable to really sit up or interact much. She's just not herself. We know her bowel is very sick we just don't know why for sure. All who have looked at the photos from both scopes are leaning toward rejection, but wouldn't it be a blessing for path to say its not. I'm still hoping, but not really thinking we've got a chance of that happening. Just saying that I'm hoping.


Its the "hurry up and get her here" so we can wait around that makes me insane. I just thought we should have some definitive answers and some type of plan in the works so that once we were here we could jump on top of whatever is happening. Instead we came, we scoped for the 2nd time in as many days, and we sat. Just thinking we could have had one more evening with Dave before we had to leave. Time is precious. Its what I miss the most when Ash and I are here. We are missing out on spending time with our family.

I'm missing my kids. Haven't had a chance to talk to them in days and its probably for the best since we haven't let them know where we are just yet. I just miss them. I really do. Trying so hard not to think about the open ended time line knowing there is no end in sight. I just know we can't stay here for very long. Save the graft. Protect the organ. Thats the goal then we've got to get her out of here before anything else happens. Oh by the way, she's already picked up a hospital bug and is now on an antibiotic to try and kill it. Its a slippery slope and the safest place for Ashley Kate to be is HOME.