The best thing I heard today
Driving home from a ballgame this afternoon Blake and Ashley sat next to each other in the back seat of our car. I asked a simple question just because I was wondering how he was feeling after another loss(he happens to be playing on the worst team he has EVER played for:( Welcome to the world of high school baseball).
"Blake, what are you thankful for today?"
His answer melted this momma's heart.
As he pointed to our Ashley he said, "This little girl right here."
Oh, how my hurting heart needed to hear that today! Its been an emotional day. I've cried. I've yelled. I've vented. I've asked questions to which there are no answers. On the drive over to today's ball game Dave sat next to me and listened to it all. There are no easy days in the world of small bowel transplantation. There really aren't. It seems that they all eventually fail and our children all suffer. I'm not emotionally sound enough to debate that with any members of a transplant team. I can only go based on our personal experience and those families whom we have surrounded ourselves with over the last 4 years. Few if ANY actually grow up. Its a new field. A new science. Our children are writing history for future generations of patients. I get all of that. I also get that without it most our babies would have left our homes for Heaven by now. Still my heart aches as I watch child after child after child leave this earth. Would I do it again? Make the same choice again? Yes. I would. We in fact are going to. It gives us hope. Although its a small glimmer on the other side of what seems to be "hell on earth" its at least something to hold on to. Its all we have so we grasp onto it with everything we have.
I don't even know why I'm sharing all of this. More than likely its just because my heart is so heavy tonight that I have to dump it somewhere before it crushes me.
The best thing I heard today came from inside my son's heart and it found itself into mine. I'm grateful for those words. I needed to hear them. I love our Ashley so very, very much and despite all the pain I'm grateful for small bowel transplants even if they can only offer us a limited amount of time. Its more than what we would have had without it.