Strength

Strength is something I admire and wish that I had. Today I have sat back and watched my sweet Ashley exhibit hers. Compared to my daughter and the strength that she shows everyday as she endures all that her life entails, I am a wimp. My tears flow as she conquers each and every thing that comes her way. I wish I was as strong as this little one. Ashley is now struggling with the withdraws that come from being on such strong medications for such a long time. I am watching her little arms and legs shake as she tries with all her might to ignore what is taking place in her tiny body. She has slept through a good part of the day, but when she is awake her little body is out of her control. As my tears flow for her, she holds on to her hands determined to make them stop. She does not allow herself to cry, not even one tear, but I can see the fear in her eyes. Today is a hard one and I wish I was strong.


Ash is not the only member of our family who exhibits strength during a difficult time. As I fall apart over things like apartments, cars, missing my kiddos, lack of sleep, lonliness, etc. etc. I watch this incredible man hold it all together. He is the one who is full of strength. He must figure out how to make this adventure we are on happen. He is keeping it together for Blake and Allie, running a buisiness, watching me fall apart every time that he leaves, saying good bye time and time again to his youngest daughter and so much more. All I do is take care of our Ashley, but Dave does the rest. As we struggle to figure out how to make it through to the other side I am watching him grow, and my respect for him continues to grow too. His strength comes from Christ and his relationship with Him. To watch him pray for his children and pour his heart out to God for his family touches me deep in my soul. I know that we can do this because He is providing strength to our family through my husband. I love you Dave for being the strong one.

If you could see my swollen eyes and red face today you would know how weak I truly am. This has been a day filled with struggles and doubts about things that I wish were not our reality. I wish we had the answers and the direction for what will happen to us once we leave this place, but we don't and He tells us that today's events are enough for now. I am not to worry about tomorrow, becaue He holds that in His hands. Knowing that He is control is one thing, but actually stepping out of the way and allowing Him to work is another. This evening I am going to try and do a better job of that. His stength is perfect when my strength is gone. I'm just being a wimp and I am glad that He loves me anyway.