Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart



Awake and crying. That's what my sweet Ashley is doing. She should be all snugly and sleepy at this time of the morning but she is not. She has developed the saddest cry you have ever heard. Ash never used to cry. She has always been the happiest baby. Tonight's cry is breaking our hearts. If she even thinks you might touch her she starts to scream. How I wish she wanted to be held. I would gladly rock her all night if she would let me.

Ash has so many things coming out of her tiny body. I was changing her clothes tonight and suddenly became overwhelmed with all that has been done to her. She has a central line in her chest with 3 lumens coming out of it. She has a new incision which she is clawing off the bandages tonight. She has a drain tube coming out of her chest which is very sore and irritated. She has a G-J mickey button in her abdomen. The G has a tube connected to it with a drainage bag on the end. The J has an extension connected to it that runs into a tube that has her feeds running through into the jejunum portion of her new intestine. She has a stoma with part of her new bowel coming out of it that is covered with an osotomy appliance and bag. She has a new dressing over her femoral artery where her art line was pulled yesterday. It is very bruised and sore. She has 3 lead wires connected to the monitor and a pulse ox on her big toe. Wow! When I look closely at all that must be managed while moving her, picking her up, or dressing her it does get overwhelming. If you were not used to it you might be scared of breaking her. No wonder she is uncomfortable tonight.

If you can see past all of that stuff this is what you would find. A beautiful little girl with dark brown hair and brown eyes. A tiny little nose that her mommy absolutely loves. Big round cheeks that have a constant shading of pink across them. The sweetest little mouth that you have ever seen. A pattern of miracles permanently etched across her chest and abdomen that remind us of all the that He has done. The littlest hands with the longest fingers that have been created just for her with the fingerprints that have been left all over my heart. The most incredible feet with 10 yummy toes for her mommy to kiss a million times. To see Ashley is to see a work of art. A masterpiece that is being created in His time. Each day He continues to add to this creation that He calls His own. Every moment of her life He is using to write her story that must ultimately lead to Him. She is amazing. She is wonderful. She is priceless. She is willing. Oh, how I admire my daughter. Her strength is inspiring.

Her crying has ceased and she is now quiet. I sit and wonder how, when, what. How will He use her? When will He show us? What will she do for Him? I pray that she makes it. I pray that she is given the opportunity to live, to grow, to serve. I pray for her hurts to cease. I pray for my daughter. My words are repetitive. My words are not adequate. My words don't always express my thoughts, but He hears. Her crying has stopped and mine has too. Now I hope to sleep. Thanks for listening. Good night, again. Trish


At 3:15 AM , Blogger Tammi said...

Oh, Trish,
My soul aches for you and Ashley. She is truly a blessed little girl to have a mommy such as you.
I pray for peace and comfort for your entire family during this very difficult time
"Lord, sustain this woman, and her loved ones, and give them peace!"

At 7:52 AM , Blogger renovating this heart said...

Praying still. Your words are beautiful as always, capturing how much you love your little girl.

At 9:33 AM , Blogger Krista said...

I am in tears over your words. I Prayed when I layed my head down last night and I begged God to let Ashley live long, and let her be able to show the world what he has done for her. I asked him over and over, what is it that is left undone? What is he looking for? I asked the Lord so many whys? And we are not supposed to ask, just accept. BUt It gives me so much hurt when a beautiful little girl like Ashley cannot be held and rocked, and be able to go shopping for hairbows and new outfits. WHY? I am Praying for this little Gherkin and I feel confident that God will show you something. I had a peace after that Prayer that is unexplainable. Ashley needs to tell her story year after year so more people can come to Christ and I Pray for her pain to go away so she can start to heal. I Pray today that she will rest and those painful places will start to heal. I Pray for the doctors that they can find the right balance for her little body. We love both of you, and are Praying for your Peace as well.

At 9:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart aches for sweet baby Ashley. We continue to lift her and your whole family up in prayer. Praying in Longview.

At 10:23 AM , Anonymous emily said...

Trish and Ashley...
I'm so glad that both of you got some much-needed rest last night. I hope things go well today with the ECHO and that soon she can get rid of one of the more uncomfortable tubes. I'll be thinking about you today when I'm trying to sleep and I'll see you both tonight. Have a wonderful day!!

At 11:12 AM , Blogger Ashleigh said...

Along with the others, my hearts aches over your words. To know your baby is in so much pain, to not be able to hold her and comfort her... I just can't imagine.

The Lord already is using her, Trish, in so many ways, in so many people's lives. Each day, with each post, I'm further challenged, encouraged, broken down, strengthened and shown more and more of our Savior. And I know without a doubt I'm not the only one... I know Ashley is being used in many other people's lives as well. Not much comfort to a mama, I'm sure, when it's speaking about people around the world that you don't even know, but that's just a tiny bit of what your Ashley has already done.

I feel that my words are also repetitive, but, again, we are still praying fervently.


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