Making A Difference
Some days I find living here in the PICU to be a struggle, and other days I think I just accept that this is now where Ash and I reside. There are times when the halls are filled with friendly faces and then there are other times when this can feel like the loneliest place on earth. Most people who work here happily return a smile and don't mind visiting with Ashley and I for a few moments, but there are a few that I feel as though I will never get a kind word from or a friendly smile. I learned a long time ago that I am not going to automatically be drawn to every personality around me. Not every one I meet will become a close friend, but every person I come in contact with does deserve kindness from me. It doesn't take much to greet each other with a smile or a genuine kind word. You never know what a difference you may make in an other's life.
As I pray in the mornings I find myself asking God to use me to make a difference in the life of someone. I never dreamed that God would use my tiny baby to make me look harder to find the good in others. Even those around me who fail to respond with any type of kindness, I am trying to find the good in them. Honestly this is not my nature. It would be so much easier to just take the attitude that if they don't like me then I don't like them either, but as I look across the room and see my Ashley I realize that she deserves more than that from me. She deserves the kind of mom who is willing to look past hurt feelings, look past unkind words, look past the pain of gossip, look past hurtful actions and be willing to forgive. Tonight I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to be forgiving. I am trying to be kinder. I owe Him that.
How I wish that I could change the situation that I find us in. How I wish that my Ashley had been given a healthy body. How I wish that I could take her home where we would be surrounded by family and friends, but since I can not then I pray that our walk here in this PICU would only be a reflection of His love. I pray that this situation we are in will make a difference in the life of someone. I know that the lessons I learn from Ashley are changing my heart, my life, my faith, and my walk, and I am thankful that I can see that He is working in me.
Ash is struggling to bounce back. This last "crash" was very, very difficult on her. She is making improvements in some areas and she is now breathing on her own and for these things I am truly thankful. I miss typed her BUN level this morning. It was a 70 not a 17. If it had been 17 then it would have been in range and things would have been terrific, but the 70 did improve through the day to a 52 so I know we are getting closer.
Even though it has been a hard and lonely day I take great comfort in knowing that so many of you are praying for us and getting us through until the day that He allows us to go home. I don't know if I tell you enough, but each of you are "making a difference" to us. Good night from Omaha. Love Trish and Ash
posted by Ashley @ 9:04 PM
7 Comments:
I am thinking and praying for you guys tonight
Still here and praying for your strength and Ash's full recovery. Because all things are possible with him! Thank you for sharing your heart. You just opened up my eyes to a new light on a touchy situation in my own life. Thank you for being who you, serving him as you do and being a testimony for us all in your own trying days. Blessings on you and Ash tonight and sweet dreams. May he hold you both in his loving arms for a peaceful night of rest.
Trish--you are learning so much through all of this, and you are helping the rest of us to learn right along side you. God is doing such a powerful work in the lives of those around you because of who you are and your willingness to love others, whether they are love-able or not. YOU are making a difference in many, many lives because of your willingness to share this road you are on with the rest of us. God bless you, and may you get rest tonight. Love, Karen Metzger
Trish,
It is sad to hear you say this. But I of all people understand and believe you are making a difference. As one of the PICU staff. I hope none of us make you feel this way. I do try to come to work everyday with the attitude that we do make a difference in the life of a family, in the life of a child. Since having a sick child of my one my mission everyday is to take care of that child as if it was my own. Love, pamper, and make the family feel involved every shift. Things as we all know have been a little down and blue on the PICU lately but please give us the strength to not always show that and be uplifting to you.
Kristine Dilly Rn
Ps I know I am a little on the wacky side but it helps get through the sad times for us....
Trish, You said, " willing to look past hurt feelings, look past unkind words, look past the pain of gossip, look past hurtful actions and be willing to forgive. Tonight I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to be forgiving. I am trying to be kinder." There is not a one of us who hasn't taken to heart what someone said or did.....& taken that hurt ....turned it to anger...or bitterness. That isn't from our God. Your words speak volumes & it is a lesson we all need to take part in. Each of us....whether we are on the gossiping end or the receiving end. We can control how we will react. You are such a light for HIM. Praying for you....
This posting touched my heart, as it did Kristine's. I cannot even imagine what it has been like to live the in PICU for the past few months. It has been very difficult "just" being a nurse upstairs. I wish you more kind words and smiling faces than not. I'll have to come visit you to let you know this was me (as was the comment about laughing about the "bald boss") :o)
I can't imagine the differing waves of emotion you must experience each day, Trish. Using every little circumstance of the day to learn something from the Lord is such an admirable and amazing thing to be able to do. Once again, the grace that God is giving you is so evident.
Wondering... what do you do during the day during the long hours? Do you spend all day at the hospital? Do you sleep there or at the apartment? Just things I think of when I'm praying for you throughout the day...
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