Lights out!

Ashley and I will be keeping the lights out for most of today(I hope!). My sweet girl decided to play and play and play and play all night long. Every time I looked up she was shaking, shaking , shaking her baby. Then she would give it kisses, kisses, kisses. This went on for hours. Silly girl. This morning she is a little grumpy with everyone as they do their assessments, take vitals, give meds, do therapy, etc. Too bad for our little miss, maybe she should learn to sleep when its dark outside.

I so appreciate everyone wishing I could come home for a while, I honestly do, but I will not be leaving Ashley here without a parent. Only a parent has the authority to make decisions on Ashley's behalf and with the course that Ash's recovery has taken we are making them on a daily basis. David and I have perfect peace about the role that God has placed us in as Blake, Allie, and Ashley's parents. There are no substitutes for the love, attention, care, and concern that can be given by a parent. The children have loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc., but none of them can do what Dave or I do for our kids. Since David is the sole income for our family it is impossible for us to trade places. Unfortunately real life and its costs do not cease for us just because one of our children are ill. Our goal for our family is to bring our Ashley home to Texas so we all can be together again. Until then we will stay strong, keep fighting, continue seeking and praying. Blake and Allison are secure, healthy, and know that they are loved beyond measure by their mom and dad. Our Ashley is struggling. She is dependent on the security that she feels when Dave or I are with her. This is not easy. It would not be easy for any one's family to go through, but I am confident that we are doing what is right. It is normal for us to miss each other. It is natural for me to feel torn and to desire to be in both places. I miss Blake and Allie more than I could ever describe in the words of this journal, but I believe that God prepared all of this for this time in our lives and we will get through this. Together as a family, whole, intact, and stronger for it. I will be flying in to Dallas in a couple of weeks to spend the weekend with Allison at her last competition of the season. Dave and Blake will be flying here to be with Ash. When Blake goes to Nationals this season if we are still here (I pray we are not!), then we will do the same and I will travel to see him play. I wish it were affordable for us to go back and forth to all of their events every weekend, but it just isn't. Your love and concern for my broken heart is so appreciated. I just wanted to explain that we are not looking to change things. We really do feel that we are both in the right place for now. I pray I have not offended anyone with my explanation. That is not my intention.

I am now going to go rock this child who NEEDS to sleep so she will stop yelling , "MAAAA" at me. I tried to tell her we live in Texas, but not on a PRAIRIE! Thank you for checking in on our gherkin this morning. She is feeling ornery and this is how we like her. You are loved and appreciated. May God bless you today. Trish