Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

1/30/2007

Lights out!

Ashley and I will be keeping the lights out for most of today(I hope!). My sweet girl decided to play and play and play and play all night long. Every time I looked up she was shaking, shaking , shaking her baby. Then she would give it kisses, kisses, kisses. This went on for hours. Silly girl. This morning she is a little grumpy with everyone as they do their assessments, take vitals, give meds, do therapy, etc. Too bad for our little miss, maybe she should learn to sleep when its dark outside.

I so appreciate everyone wishing I could come home for a while, I honestly do, but I will not be leaving Ashley here without a parent. Only a parent has the authority to make decisions on Ashley's behalf and with the course that Ash's recovery has taken we are making them on a daily basis. David and I have perfect peace about the role that God has placed us in as Blake, Allie, and Ashley's parents. There are no substitutes for the love, attention, care, and concern that can be given by a parent. The children have loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc., but none of them can do what Dave or I do for our kids. Since David is the sole income for our family it is impossible for us to trade places. Unfortunately real life and its costs do not cease for us just because one of our children are ill. Our goal for our family is to bring our Ashley home to Texas so we all can be together again. Until then we will stay strong, keep fighting, continue seeking and praying. Blake and Allison are secure, healthy, and know that they are loved beyond measure by their mom and dad. Our Ashley is struggling. She is dependent on the security that she feels when Dave or I are with her. This is not easy. It would not be easy for any one's family to go through, but I am confident that we are doing what is right. It is normal for us to miss each other. It is natural for me to feel torn and to desire to be in both places. I miss Blake and Allie more than I could ever describe in the words of this journal, but I believe that God prepared all of this for this time in our lives and we will get through this. Together as a family, whole, intact, and stronger for it. I will be flying in to Dallas in a couple of weeks to spend the weekend with Allison at her last competition of the season. Dave and Blake will be flying here to be with Ash. When Blake goes to Nationals this season if we are still here (I pray we are not!), then we will do the same and I will travel to see him play. I wish it were affordable for us to go back and forth to all of their events every weekend, but it just isn't. Your love and concern for my broken heart is so appreciated. I just wanted to explain that we are not looking to change things. We really do feel that we are both in the right place for now. I pray I have not offended anyone with my explanation. That is not my intention.

I am now going to go rock this child who NEEDS to sleep so she will stop yelling , "MAAAA" at me. I tried to tell her we live in Texas, but not on a PRAIRIE! Thank you for checking in on our gherkin this morning. She is feeling ornery and this is how we like her. You are loved and appreciated. May God bless you today. Trish

8 Comments:

At 10:17 AM , Blogger Krista said...

None of us can completely know what is best for your children but you of course. We just all want so badly to have the answers for you. You are making the right decisions and God is giving you that guidance as you go. I am just thankful you have some Peace and comfort that you are doing what is right. Get some rest today.

 
At 10:42 AM , Anonymous Grandma said...

Ash and Trish - Grandma is still loving you from afar and praying for you continually. Hang in there-God has great things in store for you in His time. Hey, Ash, keep those showers coming little one; shows the world that you're up to your antics letting everyone know you're feeling better! Jesus is so amazing when it comes to healing and I'm praising His Holy Name! Love and Hugs, Grandma

 
At 10:50 AM , Blogger Ashleigh said...

Hoping you get some rest today...

I admire greatly your "sticking with it" and cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to be Mom to three children when only one of them is near you.

 
At 12:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish:
You are exactly where you need to be and God is abundantly able to fill in gaps of your absence in Texas.
Plus, who wouldn't want to spend their winter in lovely Omaha. I think the wind chill was only -19 this morning when I drove the kids to school.
Praying that Ashley sleeps away the morning and then gets her groove on this afternoon so that you can both rest tonight.
Jill from Omaha

 
At 12:05 PM , Blogger Staci Barham said...

Praying that you both get some much needed rest today.

 
At 1:56 PM , Blogger Connie said...

God loves us so much! He wouldn't place Ashley in your family if it would be a destructive thing for any member of your family. We know He works all things for good for those who love him and have been called for His purposes. He'll use this for good in Allie & Blake's lives as well. They will have such compassion and humility & other qualities in their lives--things we can't see now, but which God will grow in them. You guys are doing a great job with ALL of your kids. Your love for & obedience to Jesus shines through--and that's the very most important thing you can give them. We are praying for you!

 
At 2:31 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

You always tackle each subject with such grace! What a blessing you are to your family and to your readers:)

I'm hoping y'all get in a few good naps before the gherkin wakes up to play again tonight! What a funny girl she is:)

 
At 8:10 PM , Anonymous Suzanne said...

Sometimes I read your journal & want so badly to help in some way. Sometimes I try to brainstorm how to accomplish that. Anything that I might be able to offer...suggest...things I could do....or words I might relate to let you know we are here & praying you through. I know you guys are the best at coming to these decisions on your own....you are her parents & the ones who know what is best. Praying....

 

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