She Doesn't Even Know

How amazed I am as I watch my little Ashley play. She has know idea how very sick she really is. She has no idea how close she came to leaving. She has no idea how many times her mommy and daddy have stayed awake at night pleading for her life. She doesn't even know. Her daddy always says, "Somebody forgot to tell her she was supposed to be sick!"

Her innocence is beautiful. I am more than thankful that Ashley doesn't know her life is different from anyone else's. On the good days this is what she does. She plays. She laughs. She claps her tiny hands. She smiles. She growls. She "reads" her books. She hugs her babies. She rests. She rocks her mommy. She talks to her daddy. She plays with her best friend(the baby in the mirror). She kisses her pictures of Blake and Allie. She causes trouble. She is wonderful. She is trusting. She is precious. She is just Ashley, and if you were to ask her she would tell you how very blessed she is. Life is good as far as she is concerned. She is busy living each and every moment of her little life to the fullest. She grabs on and gives it all she's got. Oh, I love this little lady with all of my heart!

The precious thing about Ashley is that she doesn't know. Her spirit is amazing. Her strength is indescribable. When she smiles it lights up the room and blesses your heart. God chose her to carry out a part of His plan. She teaches me to be thankful. She teaches me to pray. She teaches me to trust. She teaches me to love. She teaches me the value of life. She teaches me to appreciate what He has blessed me with. She teaches me to look for the heart of God. She teaches me to find the good in people. She teaches me that I don't have a moment to waste. She teaches me to take the time to invest in others and to look outside of myself. She teaches me that there is something to be said for NOT knowing.

Today I am appreciating the fact that my Ashley doesn't know how to live her life any other way than she does. I am glad that she doesn't count the number of days spent in this PICU. I am glad she doesn't keep up with the number of times she has been down. I am thankful that He made her with this innocence, and that He allows her to just love being who He made her to be. It has been a good day for Ash. She has played and rested and played and is now resting. Nothing really happens on the weekends. We just wait. Monday she will have another echo cardiogram to make sure the fluid did not re accumulate around her tiny heart after the drain was pulled. If it comes back clear then they tell us all is well with her heart. No lasting damage from the arrest and no more danger. We will begin to figure out what day to take her down to place the G-J tube, and then we will go from there. Praying the entire time that somehow He will make a way for our Ashley to eat, to grow, to live. I am believing that He will. Expecting a miracle to be done in His own time.

There IS something to be said for not knowing. Along with the lack of knowledge comes a lack of worry and the peace of trusting. He made her to trust Him and He made us to do the same. I am back to working on that. Trust. In His time. In His will. In His plan.

Please remember baby Lexie and her family in your prayers. They have a long road ahead and they will need our support. Thank you for loving Him enough to love us and others as well. You are appreciated. Love, Trish