Waiting for Her Smile

I think I have finally put my finger on it. I have been trying to figure out what in the world is making this week so hard on me? Every where I look I see blessings falling around me. Ash is getting better. Blake and Al are having a good week. Dave is his happy, optimistic self, but me? what is my problem this week. I just feel really down. Tonight I think I found out why. I miss it. I miss seeing it. I miss looking at it. I miss Ashley's smile. That little smile that has a streak of ornery in it. Its that smile that makes me know everything is going to be OK. Its that one thing that she shares with everyone who walks into her room. Its gone. It has been gone for 10 days and it makes me so sad that I can't see it. I pray that it will come back.

I did hold her today and as soon as she calmed and began to settle into my chest I instantly began to cry. I have missed her so very much and just to be able to feel her relax into me even though it didn't last long meant the world to me. I really needed that today. I love this little girl so very much and I wish I could make this all go away for her. It hurts to see her struggle, but even as I watch her fight another night I am blessed. Our sweet friend Ginny is struggling even more and to think about all she is going through is very, very hard on all those around. My heart is broken to think that she may not be here tomorrow or the next. I just wanted things to be better for her. I wanted her to get strong enough to have another transplant and I wanted her to live. I don't want for her to go. She has the most amazing spirit and I have grown to love her from afar. My prayer for her now is that she might find peace. Her little body has endured so much and if He does not will for her to survive then I pray that He will show mercy on her and allow her to rest. My heart is heavy for her.

Tonight Dave and I have been shown how very blessed we are. We have a family. We have a warm home. We have food on the table. We have a business that allows us to provide for our children. We have a faith. We have hope. We are reminded that there are precious people in our home town who do not have what we have. They are cold. They are hungry. They are desperate. They have souls that hurt and bodies that have been abused. They have lost all hope and they need to be shown the love of Christ. I pray that we will never forget that He endured the cross for them too. His grace is sufficient for them. My hope is that we will make a difference to those who feel as though they have nothing. Nothing to live for. Nothing to keep trying for. I hope that my children will see the value in those who others do not. I pray that they will remember that we loved them and that Jesus died for all. It wasn't just for us. Father, only you know the burden we carry in our heart tonight. I pray that You will show yourself to those who feel as though they have lost it all. Please touch them tonight. Keep them warm. Help them to feel Your love and Your presence in their lives. Thank you for blessing us so richly. We will forever be humbled by your grace.

Good night from our room. We are honored to have the opportunity to share our Ashley's story with you. Thank you for loving us and for loving her. Trish