Mother, May I?

I feel as though this is the game we are playing. " Ashley, You may take two baby steps forward." " Mother, may I?" "Yes, you may." "Ashley you may take 2 giant leaps forward." Off she goes forgetting to ask , "Mother, may I?" so she is forced to turn all the way back around and start the game again. Today I see my Ashley taking those two baby steps forward in some directions and a couple of baby steps backwards in others.(so thankful not to see any giant leaps backwards!)

The good news during rounds is that we are beginning to feel comfortable with her fluid status. Her BUN(blood urea nitrogen level) is continuing to trend down. This morning it was at 40 down from last nights 52. We are taking baby steps toward the goal of under 20. The good news is that with these baby steps her kidneys are becoming happier and happier. Happy kidneys make for happy parents and happy doctors! The bad news during rounds is that the TPN continues to affect Ashley's liver and her enzymes are climbing. Again they are only taking the baby steps, but the steps are going in the wrong direction. To combat the climbing ALT and AST numbers we are turning off her lipids (this makes me so happy!) and we are changing her feeds to 15 ccs an hour and her TPN to 15ccs per hour at an increased caloric value of 20. The bad news with this change is that Ashley is gagging and nauseated and I am praying she remembers to ask, "Mother may I?" before she is sent tumbling back to the beginning from a vomitting episode. The good news is that her bilirubin is only a .7 and this makes me smiley. More good news is that Ash continues to breathe on her own without ANY oxygen support and her sats are between 95 and 97. Only God could bring about this change in her lung status in such a short period of time. She hasn't even been off the ventilator for a week so I consider this to be two giant leaps forward in the right direction.

As I think about all that we have been going through in the mind set of this little game what a lesson I am learning. This is exactly how I sometimes feel in my walk of faith. There are times when I remember to ask, "Father, May I" and He responds with "Yes, you may take those two giant leaps forward." Yeah, me! Then I turn around and forget to ask and before you know it I am back at the beginning left to wonder, "What did I do wrong?". Silly me, I forgot to ask. No wonder I am struggling. He wants to bless me. He wants to prosper me. He wants me to depend on Him and not take my eyes off of Him. He just wants to know me and love me. All I have to do is remember that I was not created to live this life on my own. Always taking giant leaps forward and skipping over those crucial baby steps. Sometimes I need to be sent all the way back to the beginning so I can start over and just remember to talk to Him.

I think Ash is beginning to feel a little better this morning. Not any giant leaps, just those tiny baby steps, but I am more than thankful for any movement as long as it is in the right direction. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for continuing to put up with all of my ramblings. Thank you for loving this little one who has been such a gift in my life. I hope you all get a chance to play the game today and let me remind you it is so worth it to pause before stepping and ask, "Father, may I?". I love you guys. Trish