Not mine, but His

I must constantly remind myself that Blake, Allison, and Ashley are not mine. They do not belong to me, and they were not created to bring me joy. I am just the one who is blessed to have the opportunity to show them Who He is. They belong to Him. They were created to do His will and to be used in His plan, and to bring joy to the Father's heart.

This morning I am once again trying to find a balance. A balance between how very much I respect those who God has equipped to treat my Ashley's illness and the side that as her parent I feel I am being led to do something different for her. There is a very fine line. I would never want any of our "team" to feel as though I did not trust their decisions or respect their opinions because I do. When I approach them during rounds with our questions, our research, our opinions on what is being done with Ash I pray that I never offend them. I want to work with them, and I believe it takes both the team and David and I to make the best decisions for her. This morning Dave called to give me a list of things he would like for me to address during rounds. He told me had been praying over them for a week and that he believed this is the direction he would like to go. When I receive calls like this I begin to panic. I am the one on this end who must find that balance before I open my mouth. Praying the entire time that our wishes will be received the right way and not alienate any member of our team. So I took the plunge and voiced our concerns, our goals, our thoughts once again. I feel as though if we were keeping score that I won one and lost another. They listen, they discuss, they decide. I will not go into the details of what our wishes are for her care, but I will ask for your prayers as we seek different options that will hopefully bring our Ashley closer to home.

There is one main difference I see between parents and the medical staff. They have the medical knowledge that God has allowed them to obtain, but they do not have the understanding or experience of raising a chronically ill child. We approach the situation from two different perspectives and somehow we must meet in the middle and hopefully obtain the same goals for her. While doing this we must learn to respect each other and what we each bring to the table.

The role that I find myself in when parenting my Ashley is very different than any role I have ever been in before. I am not only her mommy, but an advocate for her. I must learn, study, research, pray, and make decisions that I have never been faced with before. My prayer is that God would continue to lead us in making the right decisions for Ashley.

As her mommy and daddy we are trying to do the best we possibly can for Ash. The whole time realizing that we have been given the job of raising her to bring glory to Him. As our children grow our hope for them is that they will not be afraid to dream big dreams, to reach for lofty goals, to stand for what is right, to change this world, to serve the Lord. As I think of the places around the world and the number of people who Ashley has touched I am humbled as I realize that even our tiny Ashley has already begun to fulfill her purpose. She has traveled to lands that I will never go. She has met people who I will never meet. She has impacted the world in ways I may never see. She is not mine. She is His.

P.S. We have had 2 wet diapers since this mornings post! Yeah!