Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

3/19/2007

The Best Part of My Day

We made it home around 3:30 this morning with all three kids snoring in their seat belts. How unreal it was realizing we were all together traveling back toward our hometown. The night was a rough one for me as I snuck into the house (while all of the kids were still sleeping) to retrieve uniforms and backpacks for school. I don't know what I was expecting,but let me just share with you that I finally had my breakdown. I could not believe the state my home was in. I could not believe that my sweet family was trying to live in this place. I cried and cried and cried. I think it was the mess, the remodel, the piled high laundry, the dirty kitchen(due to no running water, the clutter, the dust, the in ability to safely walk through any room, but mostly the fatigue(emotional and physical) that caused me to run screaming from my home. I drove the kids to my in-laws, tucked them all in bed, cleaned up Ash's ostomy mess, and left them in the watchful eye of their grandmothers so that I could return to our house and try to make some sense out of it all. I worked from 4:30 until 6:00 trying to locate enough clean pieces of clothing to put together a uniform that would meet dress code for the kids. I moved, I cried, I shifted, I cried, I swept, I cried until it was time to return to my in-laws in order to wake the kids and get them ready for school. I drove them to school and then went to take care of my Ashley Kate. Throughout the day I tried to get a grip on my emotional state. I tried to reason with myself that all of this was not a big deal. I tried to concentrate on the miracle of my beautiful baby and that we were finally home. I tried. Even though I am counting my blessings that continue to fall all over me and surround me, the reality of my life is this: MY HOUSE, OUR HOME, is in shambles. We have to get some work done on it and get it done fast! My wonderful husband is working non stop at the office and then on the remodel and he is exhausted. I don't know that he will be able to keep up this pace. I have decided to spend a few hours everyday while my mom cares for Ash trying to fix this place and turn it back onto the precious home I left six months ago. Trust me when I tell you that I believe with my whole heart and my whole life that God knew what I was walking into, but the shock of it all combined with my exhaustion almost broke me in the early morning hours. Now that I have settled down, I have formed a plan in my mind between running Ash's meds, appointments, pumps, and playtime to get a grip on this house that she can't even enter at this point and to make it all good again.

Now to share with you all the best part of my day. Can you guess what it was? Let me tell you. It was the CARPOOL line out in front of MY children's school. There I was when it hit me. I had been waiting all day to GET to sit in that line and watch those two amazing kiddos come running to meet ME in our car. What a great feeling. Their eyes lit up when they saw me there. I asked them if they knew I was coming to get them or not and Blake said, "I knew you wouldn't miss out on this on your first day home. I just knew it!" Allie said, " I had no idea who was coming, because it is always somebody different, and I didn't even remember it could be you." We promptly caught up on all the days events and ran to Chick- fil- a for an after school snack. What a great life we are living.

I am now going to go put in a couple of hours work in this place that used to be our home, before we return to grandma's house for dinner and to play with our baby gherkin. By the way, did we forget to mention that God brought our little one home and now we are all together again? I really am living a blessed life. Talk to you all later tonight. Love, Trish

33 Comments:

At 4:23 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Trish, nothing can break me faster than feeling overwhelmed! And when my house is out of control, I start to lose it. You should've seen me last night--as I was frantically picking up each room and constantly muttering under my breath, my husband was following me suggesting I stop and take a bath. It probably would've helped, but I was on a mission, and that poor man bore the brunt of it!! And I'm not sure whether it was worth the work--today it's a mess all over again! I think until my three leave home, it'll always be a mess! I'm going to have to get a grip :)

I'm praying tonight for you as you juggle THREE kids now, meds, pumps, a marriage, and a house that hasn't seen your care in six months--praying that somehow you're not terribly overwhelmed, and that everything else goes smoothly so you can get it all together!

(If I lived a little bit closer, I'd come help. But Addison has RSV and bronchitis, so you don't want any of our family around right now!!)

Sending hugs from DFW :)

 
At 4:23 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5:00 PM , Anonymous Marlain said...

Trish,
Wish I could come help you clean. I hate that you feel a burden to clean this up right away. Don't overwork yourself. You have to stay healthy! All three of your kids need you to be healthy now, but especially Ash needs a healthy mom.
Take your time, a little bit a day and you'll have it ready before Ashley can come back anyway!
Rejoice that HE is Good and has provided this far.
Welcome home to Texas!

 
At 5:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes,you really need to get a grip,many of us have went thru sickness,hospitals,and remodeling our homes.I would rethink counting my blessings that I am back in town with all of my children.Thank goodness you have grandma's to stay at.I have lost 2, very dear to me,with no help,my house stayed in a mess,I was a mess,and had no help.You really need to count your blessings with all the wonderful people that have helped you.Stay well Little Ashley.

 
At 5:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

one step at a time, Trish, one step at a time...

And even those steps God will guide :)




dear anonymous---get a grip--this is about the Adams family, their struggles, and their faith in the Lord. we are trying to lift-up this family here, so take your downtrodden views elsewhere.

Sorry, Trish, I can't stand letting cranky people get you guys down...

Stay strong in the Lord...you are all loved

 
At 5:34 PM , Blogger Carey said...

Im praying for you tonight as well. I am so glad to know you all are together again. And even though your house may be in shambles, you once again get to be apart of it all. I am just so happy for you all. May God continue to bless your family.

 
At 6:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally understand the messy home thing! I think every mom here does. We moms want a perfectly neat home all of the time.

At the end of your 6 month long odyssey to finally reach home it was a mess and it was too much for you. I totally understand that! You deserved to come home to a perfectly neat home and waiting flowers. I am sorry this did not happen. But it will! It will just take a little more time.

I am also sorry about the other comment here about you getting a grip. Please leave this poor mom alone, she has been through enough this year.

Trish, please try to get some rest and know that one day your home will be perfect again with 3 perfect kids and a perfect husband.

I am still praying for all of you...

 
At 6:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I have been reading this blog for over 6 months. I was hoping your homecoming would be beautiful - full of balloons and a clean home. God had other plans, didn't he?

But the good thing is that this homecoming actually came sooner than you and Dave had expected! So that is why the above could not happen. That is a good thing! :)

I am sure it is hard to see through all of the clutter now, but a messy home is cleanable! I almost had to laugh at a lot of your post since I have been there so many times as well! Hang in there!

You and Dave have your hands so full now. It is no wonder the home is in this condition. Any mom who has had a baby will understand the state of your home and mind right now. :)

I know you know God has blessed Ashley's health lately. I hope you are not too hurt by that one person's comment. You have been such blessing to so many people over the past 6 months with your wonderful, Christian writings.

With love and prayers, Pam

 
At 6:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish-

Sweetie-I can understand why you feel so overwhelmed by looking into a house that hasn't had a mother's care in over six months. Step back, take a deep breath! One day at a time! Something that helped me when my little one was sick for months and in and out of the hospital was to write a list of the things I was going to try and accomplish that day. I made it just a few tasks so not to feel overwhelmed. And, eventually, things got done! Your house, honey, will get back into shape. God has the timeline all planned out. I know you know that already. Be sure and take care of yourself, too. Your kidlets need a healthy Mommy. I love your family. I hope, someday, God allows us to meet.

**And to anyonymous**
The person who wrote about "get a grip." This is about the Adams family and their struggles, their faith, and their victories. Their testimony for the Lord Jesus shines through everything they have been through. Please rethink what you have said. These people are in the biggest trial of their lives and need our encouragement and prayers more than ever! I will be praying for you that the Lord Jesus changes the negativity in your heart!

Sorry I wrote that, but people just can't do that and hide behind anonymous. It really bothered me. I hope you aren't upset!

I love your family,

Shari

 
At 6:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I actually hope you do not start cleaning the home anytime soon. Leave that for later. Do not wear yourself out now.

Relish the moment that you are actually HOME! Even if the home looks a little bit like it was hit by a tornado while you were gone. Why didn't Dave ever mention to you about the tornado? Good excuse. LOL

I am praying for all of you and also for the person who left the unkind remark. Why do people do that?

You and Dave have been true Christians throughout this entire ordeal and this is the moment of VICTORY!!! You are HOME!!! Praising God!

 
At 7:21 PM , Blogger Edith said...

Trish

So glad you are home again - safely and together. Rejoicing with you all.

As far as your home is concerned - just take baby steps - 15 minutes at a time. Don't try to get it all done at once - you need to stay healthy and enjoy those kiddos. I'm sure we can all relate - no matter what we all juggle.

Continuing to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

edith

 
At 7:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish...May God give you the all that you need in the days ahead. You know yourself better than anyone else...so don't let others try to tell you what you should or should not be doing! I myself...like order and when things are not in order...I stay busy until things are done. That is how I release my tension at times! I continue to pray for Ashley and for her complete healing. God has not stranded the Adams family thus far...and I am confident He will continue to bless you and your family and all the tasks that are at hand. Safe travels this week to Dallas and I pray that it is soooooooo kid friendly for Ashley and you both. Love and Prayers from someone that has followed Ashley's story since transplant time.

 
At 8:00 PM , Blogger Robyn said...

Trish, no wonder you broke down last night. your family has been through the wringer, and yes God has been amazingly faithful BUT it has to have an emotional fallout on you. I'm glad that you had the opportunity to weep last night...He gave us tears for a very good reason and you need to cry over the many things that you've lost over the months. I'll be praying for your family as you pick up the pieces, as well as glorying in being back together again! You're doing a great job under extraordinarily hard circumstances, just remember that, ok?

 
At 8:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish-I came back to read my comment and it sounds harsh. I hope you don't take it that way. I was just trying to give you a suggestion that helped me when my baby was so sick and very fragile. Also, my comment to the negative poster is a little harsh too. Know I am not trying to do any harm. I love your precious family! Still praying as always!

Love,

Shari

 
At 8:17 PM , Blogger Aunt Boo said...

Trish,

I am so glad that you are finally home with your family and I know that things are difficult but just like all the other things you have been through, you will get through this too. Keep you head up and your prayers up and all will be well.

If there is anything I can do for you or your family please never hesitate to ask.

"Anonymous" is just that... anonymous. Try not to worry about the negative comments and focus on the people who have become your internet/blogging family. We are cheering you on all the way.

Please give your sweet children a million big hugs for us and please continue to let us know how things are. We love to hear about your family and the love that you have for them.

Sweet Dreams!

Amanda D.

 
At 8:19 PM , Anonymous Nikki said...

I understand the house out of order thing being too much. That has been our biggest struggle here for WAY TOO LONG! And it's not even about having something pretty to look at. It's about being organized enough to operate efficiently. Especially with such a set scheule for Ashley. I get it, oh do I get it,and I will pray for you to make strides that way. Please pray for me too! We are sick of the business suffering because of our mess! Anyway, the main thing I thought to tell you when I read this is how glad I am for your carpool blessing. That has ALWAYS been my very favorite time of day, too. There is just nothing better than that drive home hearing about all that is on their little hearts! We had so much fun with Allie this past weekend. I was so thankful for the time spent together, but also very excited for her to get to come and find her family back together! Have a blessed evening.

 
At 9:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

As Moms we want to fix things, fix the kids, fix the family from the time away, take Ashley to "her" house...It is only human to live from one great thing after another to only come crashing down later! You have exhaustion, all that driving, excitement can wear you out, it is impossible to stay even keeled after all you've been through so quick. Then combine that with the fact that you've been living in a hospital & its hard to join back into the world and pick up where you left off. Pray, cry, pray some more, realize that this is your new unexpected normal. You have to be worn out! Try to get some sleep and focus on taking baby steps with the house. I know you wanted it perfect for Ashley and just to be in your "home." Its the mom and women in you..Hang in there girl! God's brought you sooo far. I'll be praying for you to settle in and have some peace! Colleen in Ohio

 
At 9:56 PM , Blogger Connie said...

I know the feeling of trying to get a grip on your emotions, of knowing God has blessed you, that He's in Control, but still feeling overwhelmed and melting down!! I was there yesterday!(I was telling myself the same thing "I've got to get a grip--things aren't that bad" but I still just cried. (Long story why---I'm still in Colombia)

It's not surprising that you had that reaction--you've been longing for home, but what you found was nothing like you remembered!! You have made a beautiful home for your family, and it will be beautiful again. You were exhausted! I'm so, so happy for you to be home!

 
At 9:56 PM , Blogger Connie said...

I know the feeling of trying to get a grip on your emotions, of knowing God has blessed you, that He's in Control, but still feeling overwhelmed and melting down!! I was there yesterday!(I was telling myself the same thing "I've got to get a grip--things aren't that bad" but I still just cried. (Long story why---I'm still in Colombia)

It's not surprising that you had that reaction--you've been longing for home, but what you found was nothing like you remembered!! You have made a beautiful home for your family, and it will be beautiful again. You were exhausted! I'm so, so happy for you to be home!

 
At 10:02 PM , Anonymous Christy said...

i just want to say i haven't posted in a while because of traveling and spring break...but i have read daily and i am very excited about the recent events!!! i know you must be sooo tired ....and are apparently greatly overwhelmed....i will be praying for you double concerning this...praying you will have a sense of purpose..and drive...and focus...and diligence....and peace...and strength...and also that you will have the ability to lie down and rest ....truly rest....when you need to....the kind of rest that restores and renews....we could all use a bit of THAT!! i will also continue praying ashley will stay well...by the way...how is the blister situation? did the home remedy work?
ok...and as far as getting a grip....girl please!!! i really hope you don't listen to THAT!!! you've got far more "grip" than many of us would be able to maintain!! God is your grip...and when your not holding on to HIM....HE is holding on to YOU!! so you can't lose THAT grip, CAN you!!!!
you continually inspire us all....you continually bless us all...with your honesty...your vulnerability...and your gifted writing talents..haha.....so thank you.
We will continue to pray....and thanks for sharing your life and your heart with us. it is a privelage to lift you up in our Savior's name!!

 
At 10:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is not a forum for responses to "anonymouses," but to the person who advised Trish to get a grip: I am sorry that you have had such sad occurrences in your life. Surely the pain you have been through might offer you some compassion for a fellow sufferer. Please be so careful with your comments. It doesn't help your hurt to pull down this struggling mother. With all sincerity and no malice, I assure you that I will pray for you, Anonymous, that the precious Lord who gave His Son for people like me and you will truly comfort you and heal your great pain. I have also lost, but that gives me a great desire to encourage Trish. If you are hurting so badly that you find it hard to encourage her, please seek someone such as your pastor,a Christian counselor or a loving friend with whom you can talk. I know loss is hard,and not everyone is equipped to deal with it positively. God loves you, and I pray He will show you that clearly and soothe your hurts. - Dee Dee R.

 
At 10:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,
You are not the first mama to scream. I can only imagine how long that pressure has built up. I'm glad you could release it!
I am inspired by your thankful heart. I love that you know you are blessed. - Dee Dee R.

 
At 7:06 AM , Blogger Susan said...

Trish, I have only had a glimpse as to what it would feel like to be gone for so long, and then return home to find that things were not where I had left them. My husband does things more for survival than for aesthetic. When I arrive home after being gone even a day or two, I am overwhelmed with what has or has not been done.

Be patient! At least that is what I tell myself as I rush through the house trying to pick up and rehome all the misplaced items. As with Ashley, your home will be back to where you left it soon. It just needed your sweet and gentle touch. A woman's touch in the home is priceless and cannot be replicated by most people.

Enjoy getting to know your home again. It has missed you like you have missed it. I wish I could come help, but I will cheer you on from afar.

Bless you, sweet sister! Love and hugs!

 
At 7:36 AM , Blogger Paulette said...

Trish,
I think for you it may be the sadness you felt coming into it after being gone so long. That you haven't been there to nurture and keep things in order for your family.
I had a 45 day hospital stay once and when I came home my house was exactly as you described and I lost it as well. I felt guilty at the time for not being there for my family but I had no choice and neither did you.You are a wonderful person and caretaker for your family. You have a perfect right to be emotional, what your family has been through is traumatic.
To Anonymous you need to stay away from this blog if you cannot show empathy for this Godly family. Where is your compassion? Come pick on my blog, I am struggling as well. Please show some compassion. We need to lift up not tear down our Brothers and sisters in Christ.

 
At 9:18 AM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Trish, goodness gracious, when I said I needed to get a grip, I certainly didn't mean for Anonymous to use that and attack you! I meant that I--not anybody else in this world!--needed to get a grip yesterday! You have been under strain unlike I have ever known, for months and months, and to top it off exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed--that would break anybody, even a dear woman who knows and loves the Lord. So when I said I needed to get a grip, that meant that I needed to remember that my yucky day yesterday was nothing compared to what others--like you--are going through, and I needed to keep it in perspective. You, of all people, have every right to react with raw emotion. I am so sorry somebody else took my words out of context to hurt you. You know, I hope, that you and your family are dear to my family, and I am so frustrated that Anonymous did that!

And to Anonymous: you need to go away. If you can't support and encourage, rather than attack, just quit reading Ashley's blog. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

 
At 10:30 AM , Anonymous Becky said...

Trish,
I've been reading your story off and on and have been reminded by several fellow bloggers today of your story. I wanted to come by and let you know that your family will be in my prayers. I'm sorry for what is going on with the anonymous blogger and I hate that it hurt you so bad and your sweet girl. But, the part about the car line had me wiping the tears away. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. Pure bliss I'm sure. I'm so glad that you are all together again and only wish I could offer my help to you to get your house in order. I'm too far away to do that, but I really wish I could. That is the last thing you need to worry about right now and I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm just saying I wish I could help you to get it back in order or that someone could so you could have less of a burden to carry. I wish you the best and please know that I'm praying.

 
At 11:02 AM , Anonymous Jill said...

I have dealt with an ill child also and I can agree with you completely when coming home to a mess. Life at a hospital is emotionally messy enough - coming home to life and a disorganized house is sometimes the straw to break the camels back. But it's only temporary and you will get everything back together, you will feel emotionally in tact again and life will soon look a bit brighter. I will be praying for you because I know the pain and the struggles dealing with a sick child bring. But I am on the on other side of the journey now and there is peace and joy like no other. My little girl is living healthy now, (and the devil still tries to scare me now and then) but our GOd is great and mighty is His hand over your babies life!

 
At 11:24 AM , Blogger chickadee said...

i came here from sarah's site and this post made me cry because even though i don't have a very sick child, i have been overwhelmed to the point of losing control.

i just lost a baby. i had a miscarriage and i thought i was handling it all just fine. but one evening when i was trying to get ready for company the next day, working and working and seemingly getting nowhere, my son had a big accident in his underwear. my husband got irritable about cleaning it up, everyone was talking too loud and i felt like i was never going to get everything done that night.

i cried and i cried and i just stopped everything and sat in the chair in my son's room and held him in the dark.

i wish i could have helped you clean your house. and i'm so sorry not everyone saw the love and joy in this post.

 
At 11:31 AM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Trish, I missed the ugly comment...but I know this...I get overwhelmed with my house and I have no other things going on. Please remember you are in survival mode...you can do it...you are the little engine that could, you are amazing and a gift...praying for you...always!

 
At 3:41 PM , Blogger Deena said...

Dear Sweet Trish,
Please don't let one person's bitter attitude ruin this wonderful blog about your precious child. You are blessing so many, many people with your transparent journey through your struggle...be blessed!
You've had to hold it together through so much...and it was SAFE to get upset about the messy house...the stress has got to come out some time, and you needed that little "vent" about it...
Plus, it is your personal space, and it can be so overwhelming when we desperately need an oasis of calm....
Hang on to Jesus, and we'll all love you from wherever we read you from....praying blessings on you and your precious family!!

 
At 9:18 PM , Blogger Melody said...

Trish,
I have been visiting here off and on for a little while, and first let me say that I'm so glad you were able to come home! Kelli over at "Living in Grace" commented recently on having to leave her home while waiting for a kidney transplant, and it was so hard for her as I'm sure it was for you! So, welcome home!

Now, about that house...it seems that my house ALWAYS looks like that, and I hate it too. I can't believe that you were cleaning and organizing at 4:30 in the morning! THAT'S the way to tackle what's bothering you! I'd have been in a puddle on the floor crying, NOT cleaning through my tears! I'm totally impressed, and I hope that when all the construction is finished, and your house is back in shape, you will feel joy, and extreme satisfaction in a job well done!

Barb (A Chelsea Morning) would be so proud of you...and that's really the ultimate compliment isn't it?

 
At 6:46 PM , Blogger Erna said...

I'm just catching up here and must say I understand how overwhelming it is to come home when you want to kick your feet up and relax (was in the hospital for a month) and find there is work to do. I'm sure your house will be in tip top shape soon. You have been through so much and were just anxious to be home with family so I can understand how you felt. Hugs to you and little Ashley too.

 
At 9:17 AM , Blogger Barb said...

Hi Trish,

I'm here via my niece, Sarah, at In The Midst of It. I read her post about the harsh comment you got here and had to see what she was talking about.

Then I read Melody's comment and I definitely have to set the record straight here. You're never going to find me cleaning my house at 4:30 in the morning. Oh my sweet goodness, no way! But it's nice that Melody thinks I'm that seriously devoted to my home. I am, of course, but not in the middle of the night! LOL

I am, however, as Melody said, proud of you...not for cleaning your house in the middle of the night. You're transparent and open about your feelings - and stronger than I'll ever be. For that, I feel very proud of you even though I don't know you. My niece thinks the world of you and that says a lot to me.

When I read the negative comment, my very first thought was this person is lashing out because she's been so hurt herself and doesn't know how to handle it. Best thing to do is pray for that person, that she finds her way, eventually, to acceptance and inner peace, and then move on. I honestly don't think she meant to hurt you. I just think she's full of hurt and needs help dealing with it.

Meantime, you and your beautiful baby are in my prayers.

 

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