Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

10/16/2007

Why Me?

I used to wonder "why me"? Out of all the mommies in the world why me? He could have picked anyone, but for some reason He picked me. I think I'm learning a little more each day why He chose me.

I believe He chose me because I could not have looked upon the face of this tiny miracle and walked away. Nothing in this world could have made me. I loved her. I wanted her. I prayed for her. I would never say to Him, "Oh no, Lord. Not this child. I couldn't love this one." He had been preparing my heart for her. For our Ashley. Many, many years before she was even born.

I used to think that anyone would have loved her. I used to believe that if she were offered to any mom out there that they would do what I have done. I don't believe that anymore. It breaks my heart to know that there are a few people who look at my daughter and see no value. Nothing worth loving. Nothing worth fighting for. Nothing worth giving life to. Oh my goodness you would have missed out had He offered her to you and you chose to walk away. Oh my goodness the world would have missed out if it did not have her in it.

Ashley Kate is worth every moment of every struggle. Her life is valuable and He alone gave it to her. He alone preserves it. He alone will choose when to take it. Nothing I have done, will do, or hope to do will extend it for one more moment, one more breath, one more heart beat.


Why me? Because He loved me. Why me? Because I am blessed. Why me? Because He heard my cry. Why me? Because He wanted to give me the desires of my heart. Why me? Because He has a plan for me and for my family and for my sweet Ashley Kate. Why me? Because my heart was and is willing to love on a miracle.



Dave and I know that we were called to be her parents from the moment she was "knit together". Broken or not. Perfect or not. Valued by the world or not. She was born to be our daughter. She was born to complete our family. She was born to bring glory to God.

I am so thankful the Father thought of me. So thankful the Father created her. So thankful He sees her differently than the world sees her. She is priceless! So valuable to the heart of her Creator and to the hearts of our family. It s my privilege to share her story with each one of you. Thank you for seeing the value in our baby's life. Thank you for loving her. Thank you for loving Him.

47 Comments:

At 11:49 PM , Blogger Gretchen said...

God sure knew what He was doing when he knit this family together. The fact that you know it, too, and appreciate it, is so very, very special.

 
At 11:59 PM , Anonymous Dee Dee in NC said...

Looks like she started early to try to get that arm up behind her head
: )

 
At 12:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our Lord is amazing!! You and your family are amazing!! Ashley is amazing!! You are so loved! I am soooo thankful for you. God is using you in a mighty way. Ashley is truly a miracle and her story gives all the glory to God. Thank you for sharing your miracle with us. :o)

Thank you Jesus for this family!! :o)

Love,
Lisa

 
At 1:28 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish-

I have tears as I read this. It's beautiful! I am so proud of you! I am so amazed how our Father has worked in your lives. I am thankful YOU and DAVE are her parents and that BLAKE and ALLIE are her siblings. Like I said before, a family's picture that shows Jesus at work. You are an encouragement to others.

Praying and loving!

Shari

 
At 1:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tricia,
I so get what you mean. After my husband took an early retirement (56 years of age) we become foster parents. We continued for 16 years, taking whoever we were asked to give a home to. It turns out that we were asked to take the micro preemies, drug exposed, with many difficulties and we worked to get the best medical care, therapies,etc., for them while trying our best to give them a good family home, preparing them to find their forever mommies and daddies. Few understood why we would "give up" so much when during our retirement years we should be "taking it easy". We continued for 16 years, our last baby left us in June, 2006. We too felt so blessed that God allowed us to take care of them. I will continue to pray for Adhley Kate.
Mary from Monterey, CA

 
At 6:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN SISTER!!! Praise be to God for your ever open heart Trish. :)
WE love you and pray for you return home!! Kiss Ashley for us would you? :)

Heidi In Wisconsin....

 
At 6:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read the comment from a couple of days ago about 'would you do this to a dog' - I have to say somthing back Trish.... HELLO SHE IS NOT A DOG!!! I am also CONTINUOUSLY amazed that anyone who leaves a comment like that is 99% of the time ANONYMOUS, that is the way the devil works, tearing at the fringe until we doubt. What an elegant tounge the deciever has and the logic is always there too. Our little minds can never understand the ways of God, but the devil wants us to question. Good for you Trish for not letting this sway your undoubting love for this little wonder. God is watching over you and your wonderful family. Be blessed again today!! We truely love you and Ashley Kate!!

Heidi in Wisconsin

 
At 6:17 AM , Blogger Elizabeth S said...

What a beautiful post! Still praying for sweet Ashley Kate (and the rest of you, too ;))

 
At 6:23 AM , Blogger Kristi said...

Thank you for allowing us to share in your blessing through this blog, now she blesses us all!

 
At 6:24 AM , Anonymous heidi said...

Amen.
We love your family. We love how you care for baby Ashley.
Amen.
Praying,
Heidi in CT

 
At 6:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We love you all, Trish, and are so very grateful that you have shared Ashley's life with us--what a blessing she continues to be to so many! Praying still.

 
At 6:38 AM , Blogger Fiffer said...

You amaze me. What a great way to start my morning! Someday I want to hear the whole story of how God brought Ashley into your lives -- but I can wait until the book is published, because surely your writings and pictures need to be bound together for this and many future generations to read.

God bless you this new day and may He bring a new measure of healing to Ashley this morning. By the way, it was nice to see a picture of you! You are beautiful, but we already knew that...because we've seen your heart.

Much love,
Martha

 
At 6:42 AM , Anonymous Courtney said...

Thanks again for showing us the depth of your love and commitment to sweet Ashley! We love you for loving her so freely and completely! God absolutely had the perfect family in mind for little Ashley! She is blessed indeed.

 
At 6:55 AM , Blogger ManyBlessings said...

Beautifully said. Our worth, or value, does not depend on whether or not we are perfect by the world's standards. Praise God for that.
d:)

 
At 7:19 AM , Blogger Cristy said...

As a fellow adoptive mom to a child with extensive medical issues, I am so blessed by your post. We, too, felt God has chose us to walk this difficult medical road with our little miracle girl, and we feel very privileged to do so. Our lives will be forver richer because of our daughter.

Thank you for posting what so many of us feel in our hearts about our children. It brings glory to our Saviour and hopefully can be used to lead others to their children without reservation.

God's plan is not always easy, but it is PERFECT. What an awesome God we serve!!!

 
At 7:21 AM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Thank you for letting us love you guys! It has been a HUGE blessing to me. I have no doubt you were given this child from God...what an amazing amazing story already...I can't wait to read the next chapters!!!

 
At 7:21 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ashley's family,
I found your website through an adoption site, it gripped my heart.
I only know what I see on the journal of your lives, but God knows and I am praying night and day for you all. What a journey, what an opportunity for others to see how Great a God we serve. Your daughter looks sooo precious and I understand why you love her so, she is a blessed little girl.
May God wrap His arms around your family and keep you in His peace.
parying in central IL.

 
At 7:29 AM , Anonymous prayer mom said...

Why you? Because God knew He could trust you to fight for her. You have great faith in God and a fighting spirit that matched the need of that broken little body. You are almost as good a fighter as little Ash is. All you have to do is just look in her eyes to see her fighting spirit. She is an amazing child.

 
At 7:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with "prayer mom" - You are definitely the right mom/family for Ashley and she is right for you. Any one who has seen you together knows that. You're a perfect fit that only God could have designed. You have a very special mission and God is blessing many through you.
Lou Ann

 
At 7:45 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for the beautiful example of adoption that you live out for us daily. We are "adopted" children of God and it's wonderful to see how much He loves us as His very own and what He was willing to sacrifice for us.
Lou Ann

 
At 7:50 AM , Blogger Alicia said...

Ashley, Blake, and Allie are so blessed to have you two as their parents.

 
At 8:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I found out about Ashley and her story, I started to read your journal everyday. Knowing your family from Ambucs, my only thoughts were, No One could be more perfect parents for Ashley than You and David. I have always thought that Ashley was here for a reason. I know that your family has renewed some many peoples faith in the God. But I think the real reason Ashley is here, is to be your daughter and a member of your family. I read your journal everyday and pray for Ashley everynight. God Bless you Trish and David for the wonderful people you are, and the great job you have done has parents.

Jeane Snapp

 
At 8:08 AM , Anonymous dee buchanan said...

praying you have a GREAT day today! (And maybe get to move upstairs?)

 
At 8:09 AM , Blogger kingfamily said...

Trish, What a perfect gift your Ashley Kate is, what a Good God we have. He blesses us with more than we could ever imagine! Where do you get all her beautiful bed linens, they never seem to be the same. You have made her sterile , cold hospital crib a warm, cozy & adorable bed for your little pickle.
Brandi in PA

 
At 8:13 AM , Blogger Laurie said...

God picked "only" you and Dave to be Ashley's mommy and daddy because He knew the two of you would go the distance for her in the plans He has for her life. We know you both have such beautiful hearts for her by reading here. But God knew your hearts before you were formed in your mothers' womb. WOW!! And He already saw Ashley as part of your future. She is in the Excellent hands of the Father and He knows what He is doing.!! Her value to Him cannot be measured. Ashley is a reminder to us all that God loves us this deeply and completely if we would only wrap our hearts around this truth. He gave His Son Jesus so that all would know this truth.
Ashley is a living reminder of Gods love for us. I see it in every post here. I know someday when we stand before Him, He will ask of each and every one of us, "What have you done with my Son?" Ashley reminds me daily of this truth. I am so blessed to be one prayer warrior in hundreds to lift your pickle up to the One who loves her the most. Your entire family is included in my prayers. Have a most wonderful day filled with peace, healing, and His Joy. I love you.
Laurie in Ca.

 
At 8:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing her with me me and my family! We love you all and I agree your family it blessed to have Ashley Kate! ~Chan~

 
At 8:49 AM , Blogger hennhouse said...

What a beautiful family. And a beautiful post. I am praying for Ashley. And you. And the rest of your family. And again for Ashley. How you must long to cradle her... God is good.

 
At 8:50 AM , Anonymous julie said...

Amen.

The road is not easy, but it is blessed.

Thank you for sharing that.

 
At 8:58 AM , Blogger Krista said...

Trish:

AND THAT IS WHY HE CHOSE YOU!!!!!!! Because you are an amazing mommy!

 
At 9:10 AM , Anonymous Jule White said...

Beautiful! That is the exact reason that He chose you and Dave. He loves you so much and He loves Ashley so much. Thank you God for this precious family.

And thank you for sharing your family with me. I hope today is a "Happy Day" full of many blessings!

Love, Jule White

 
At 10:04 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To think I was having a "bad day" this morning when I stumbled upon this site. I now know that I have never had a "bad day". Thank you so much for sharing your blessings and struggles with the world.

 
At 10:16 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a sweet, wonderful post. Ashley is right where God wanted her to be even before she was born.He hand picked your family because he knew it was the best place for this little girl to be. A home for her to not only grow in love but to grow thru love. Continuing to surround Ash and your whole family in prayer. God Bless..Karen

 
At 10:20 AM , Blogger KM said...

Beautiful heartfelt words. Thank you, Trish and Dave, for blessing us.

To all of us who comment: I just wanted to take a moment and say we need to remember that everyone comes to this blog from a different place, a different perspective. I know that most of us don't personally know this family, but boy, we can get upset when we feel someone has attacked them or their choices. Because as readers, fellow Christians, and prayer intercessors, we have come to know them and hopefully bear some of their burdens. We know by reading and praying and beseeching our Father the challenges they have faced.

I don't have the gifting of eloquent wording. I have just felt a deep stirring in my heart the last week or so...that many of the postings that are so hurtful to us...are coming from people who have experienced somehow in their lives loss due to medical issues. Not every situation is the same. Even in healthy physical lives, opinions differ...and especially in physical lives where there are medical challenges, opinions differ.

Just as we've seen a transformation in the postings and heart of Michelle J, we never knew until she chose to reveal more of herself that she is experiencing current medical challenges from a family member in her life. She didn't understand that some of us have felt called to check this site many times a day. She didn't know that those urgings are different for each of us...as He calls us. In fact, now many of us are praying for Michelle J and her mother too.

In the past year, I have had several occasions where people have revealed to me major incidences of trauma due to medical challenges they faced in their families. These personal situations have influenced greatly how they have faced other medical issues today. Every situation we experience, medical or not, influences the decisions we make tomorrow.

Only Jesus knows the answers we are searching for. It is our job to look to HIm for the journey He has for us. I believe as Trish does...that each of our days are numbered. Nothing I do, or you do, on Earth will change those numbers. He has that answer.

Again, I just felt a stirring to share that maybe we need to remember these people are sharing from whence they come. (I do not agree with them...let me make that clear. I too would go to the ends of this Earth for the child my Jesus placed in my arms.) And maybe we need to pray that the Healer we are approaching for Ashley and her family...that He dispense the same healing salve for these others.

Kristi in Texas

 
At 10:43 AM , Blogger Paulette said...

I agree, God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave your family Ashley. I cannot imagine anyone being so cold as to thinking Ashley being a mistake. That just breaks my heart. What a testimony she has and will grow up to have. I know God is so proud of you and Dave and Alley and Blake. Those children are so Blessed to have you as parents.
I am still praying fervently for that precious baby.

 
At 11:06 AM , Blogger Lori said...

Your story is such an amazing testimony of God's plan for our lives. He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave you Ashley. So glad that Ashley is feeling better! Praise God!

 
At 11:06 AM , Blogger Sun said...

AMEN! Sunshine

 
At 11:38 AM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

Simply beautiful! That's all I can say!

 
At 11:54 AM , Anonymous VG said...

Wow! Blogging definitely creates a freedom of speech forum...had to go back and find the comment that your entry was a response to. Time spent on responding to a negative or upsetting post is wasted energy and lets the poster know that you feel the need to defend yourself; they wanted to upset you or they wouldn't have made those insensitive remarks. Typical in today's society. I bet it's because they don't have your same spiritual beliefs, obviously. It's not important what the person thinks becaude you believe you are doing the best thing for you, Ashley and your family. They simply don't deserve the attention and they are not walking in your shoes. Concentration on the positive and Ashley's survival is the goal here. Still wishing you, Ashley and your family absolute peace.

VG

 
At 12:31 PM , Blogger missy said...

What a beautiful picture! You are amazing....what else can I say? God has definitely used you and Ashley to inspire me, of that you can be sure. Thank you for continuing to post all of the ups and downs of your days. You may be physically alone in that hospital room, but you are so NOT alone, know what I mean???

 
At 12:52 PM , Blogger Sharon said...

Trish, I believe God chose you and your family for Ashley because He knows your hearts, and he knew that you would love her as He does. You are a shining reflection of God's perfect love that never gives up. He knew that you would love her enough to walk through the fire and floods with her, and show her that she is a precious treasure. Her life is not without meaning, it's a miracle, and I believe that God has an awesome plan for her and your whole family.

I pray daily for Ashley, for you, and for your family..

 
At 1:24 PM , Blogger The Dean Family said...

God knew what he was doing placing Ashley in your lives. She is exactly where she needs to be. Keep on keeping on! You are the best. Praying as always!
Angela and Audrey in AK

 
At 2:03 PM , Anonymous April in Colorado said...

It's people like your family that remind us all what true Christian faith and love is all about. Your "why me" is not a lengthy festival of reasons why it shouldn't be you, but the blessings that are because it IS you.

Thank you, Trish, for sharing with us the Father heart of God and the blessings of faith.

 
At 2:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know Trish is busy, and has more important things to worry about than this page,but I was just wondering about something. Does anyone else start to be concerned when this many hours go by without an update? Believe me, I'm not criticizing, I'm just concerned about Ashley's daily condition, as we all are. Trish, we are still praying with all we have!

 
At 2:11 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Beautiful post Trish! Praying today is a good day for you and Ashley.

 
At 6:23 PM , Anonymous Grandma said...

Just want everyone to know how very honored I am also that God chose me to be Ashley's Grandma! My life would never have been totally complete without her in it, and Christ has used her short two years of life to teach me so much about love. What an awesome God that cares about us so deeply that he entrusts us with his children to enjoy and love while we travel through this life on earth! It makes no difference if the world sees them as "broken" or "of less value than others". God sees each one of them as precious and extremely valuable. He has blessed me with six beautiful grandchildren and one that I will someday meet in Heaven and each and every one of them have taught me more about loving God and loving others. Children are such incredible teachers and I thank the Lord for them all! Loving through Christ - Grandma

 
At 9:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you again for sharing your daughter with us- I'm so glad you know how carefully God chose YOU to be her parents. Some of the world sees your daughter as "imperfect", and yet you are ever-thankful for her life. She is beautiful and she has parents who love her as Jesus does.

Megan

 
At 9:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you, also, for showing us a picture of Ashley's beautiful mommy! I keep trying to envision you as I read your posts.....it's fun to be able to put a face to the name!
Megan (again!)

 

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