Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

11/10/2007

Guarding My Heart

Edited: Please, please don't feel the need to apologize to me. You have become treasured "friends" in my life and I do not write to make you doubt your words of encouragement. I truly believe those who hurt and stung with their comments did so knowingly. They know who they are (most of them hiding behind anonymous), and this post was not written to elicit apologies from them either. I just wanted to share with you where I was and why I have not been present. You are loved.


With trembling hands and a an unsure heart I have decided to give journaling a try this morning. What an emotional week it has been. I realize I don't have to tell you that. I'm sure you have sensed how difficult it has been.

A few weeks ago a stranger(although she is no longer) picked up the phone and said, "Trish, My name is ________. I live here in Omaha and I am at the store right now and I want to know what things you need. This is what I have picked up so far and now I want to know if you need, kleenex? Ok. Do you need q-tips? Ok. How about laundry soap? Chapstick? Ok. Here are the magazines. What type do you like to read? Do you need any quarters for laundry? Oh, I know you need diet cokes. How about bottled water? Our conversation continued as she refused to take no thank you, you don't need to do this for an answer. I finally relented and allowed her to bless me. A couple of hours later she knocked on my door and came in toting all of the "necessary" items I truly did need. As she introduced herself we sat and chatted. Eventually she said something like, "I feel like I know everything about you and you don't even know me. Its kinds of weird and a little unfair." I just laughed and didn't really think too much about that statement. Over the course of our stay she has "popped" in bringing diet cokes and magazines. Cheerios and laundry soap. A friendly smile. Encouragement and support.

I have thought an awful lot about her statement this last week. I am trying to place myself in "your" shoes. Not the MAJORITY of our readers, prayer partners, and supporters, but the few who come across in their words with this feeling of "entitlement". This attitude that they know me well enough to strike with words, thoughts, opinions, and statements with no regard to the pain that may be inflicted. Often I come away from our journal stunned. Shocked. Injured. I leave shaking my head and with tears stinging my eyes as I wonder what in the world have I done to "them" to deserve that? I think to myself, "They don't even know me. They don't know my heart. My intentions. My hopes. My struggles. How can they say that to me or about me? I think I now know. They think they do know me. They must feel entitled by the glimpses into my life that I have allowed them to have. They truly feel they have the right to enlighten me on how I should be living, coping, praying, feeling, or raising my children. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't know. This is where I am struggling. I have opened PARTS, GLIMPSES, PIECES of my self to the readers of this journal.

So now I am taking time away. Time to work on "guarding my heart". Just like His word instructed me to. My heart has been left open, not guarded in any way over the course of Ashley Kate's life. Why? Because I DO NOT feel entitled. I KNOW I have been blessed in this life. I KNOW she is a gift that has been given to Dave and myself. I KNOW that she may be with us for a short time and I do not want to take her or any moment of her life for granted. I AM SO BLESSED, and I KNOW it. This knowledge has encouraged me to share what God has given to us. Ashley Kate is amazing. She is precious, and fragile, and tiny, and beautiful, and strong, and something I was not entitled to. How can I keep her to myself? God is working in her life. I don't understand the ways He has chosen to use her. I could easily share with you how badly I wish she had been given a healthy body, but this is not how He has chosen to use her life. He is using her struggles to bring glory to Him and because of this knowledge I have chosen to share her with you.

Forgiveness has not been the issue. I forgive easily because I have been forgiven much in this life. Figuring out how to guard my heart with grace and to what extent I share our family with the world is the issue. There may be times when comments trigger these times of soul searching to be done inside of myself. Just know that even while I am absent I am loving and appreciating the many, many people who pray for our Ashley. I could never express to you what YOUR presence has really meant to me.

Ashley and I are now outpatient status. I say that with much trepidation. I do not know if it will last long. She is very uncomfortable because of what has been placed into her little body. It was a communication error. It is not what we or our team of doctors expected her to return from the OR with. What do we do with it now? We are all a little unsure. She continues to swell and breathe uneasy from the pain. At what point do we decide it has to be removed? Before I left the hospital last night I repeatedly asked, "Is she safe?" The answer, "We think she is safe. She is just uncomfortable, but pulling it out now would be to rough on her." Ashely's jugular vein is bulging from the size of the catheter in it. She is swollen and bruised and to quote what our surgeon said yesterday, "They really tore her up down there." Your prayers for quick resolution would be greatly appreciated. She needs to be off of TPN, on full feeds, and not stooling out and requiring IV replacements for it to be pulled. We are getting closer, but that 20ccs is still a long ways away when you are dealing with a transplanted, injured bowel. Just know that I am very aware that we may be returning to an inpatient status quickly. I pray we don't have to, but as always I WILL do what is best for our baby.

Again, I thank you for loving us. For taking the time to read what we hold in our hearts. For praying for us even in my absence. You are loved. Trish

72 Comments:

At 12:04 PM , Blogger trevsmom said...

Bless you Trish! I have never commented before but have been praying and reading the journal for about 4 months. I pray every day for Ashley Kate! I struggle with infertility, etc and want you to know how very much this blog has blessed me in the past 4 months. I am desperatley trying to find contentment in Gods timing and yet struggle daily with this. Sharing your honest thoughts/words and reliance on CHRIST alone have encouraged and convicted me. Thank you for sharing "glimpses" into your life and heart. You have blessed me in unimaginable ways. You so cleary exemplify to me what Proverbs 3: 5 and 6 promise. Thanks again! Praying for you guys every day!

 
At 12:11 PM , Blogger SusanM said...

(((Trish)) How blessed to come see you sharing your heart again. Even more blessed to know you are on out-patient basis. YOU are such a strong woman! Keep the faith and hug Ashley Kate(gently) for me!

 
At 12:14 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Oh I cannot tell you how HAPPY I was to click on and see your post this morning...I am SO thankful that you wrote! I would like to ask for forgiveness if I have ever come across as being entitled or if I have shared my opinion at any time. I feel like I have been called by God during this season to offer any encouragement that I can and to also pray for you, Ashley, and your family. It is easy to read your writing because you do write from the heart and to come away feeling like I have just sat down with a friend and listened to her share her precious heart...but I need to remember that these are glimpses of you...tiny moments in an hour or a day that when are strung together are that path that you and your family have been called to walk. I have grown to love you and your family from what you have shared. To say thank you seems so trivial - but thank you for sharing and for continuing to share. I will be praying for little Ashley and you today and hope that her body heals quickly. Sunshine

 
At 12:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

Thank you for sharing once again, though it's obviously painful. You are an awesome, gentle woman of God and I'm so blessed that you returned with some thoughts for each of us to ponder. As always, Ashley and your whole family continue to be in our prayers. May God go before you and show you the way! In His Precious Name, TM in WV

 
At 12:28 PM , Blogger KM said...

Wow. Not only did He give you the gift of Ashley, He also gave you the gift of the written word.

You bless me not only with your written words, but your faith. How I am blessed by reading your struggles and praying for you...reinforces the principles I've learned from the Bible my whole life.

In your absence this week, I've thought about this situation alot too. How, those of us here reading do think we know you. When in fact, we do not. We've come to love your family as we prayed, thought of you, and beseeched the Father for healing. So often, even in my daily life, I realize we take for granted when sharing our thoughts or opinions with others that what we have to say is "needed"...never intending to sting someone.

I know that at times I have offered my opinion or insight...if I have ever been one to sting you, please forgive me. It wasn't ever intended to hurt. I have been deeply hurt by the words of others in my life...and I need to clean my side of the street when I hurt someone with mine.

Love, support, and many prayers.
Kristi in Texas

 
At 12:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, How wonderful to see your post, not that we didnt appreciate Dave,we do. How great that you have made a new Angel friend in Omaha, may your friendship last forever.Continuing to pray for healing for Ashley and that God will protect your gentle heart from hurtful words and actions of others.Praying for your wonderful family..Grandma too. God Bless..Karen.

 
At 12:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you Trish! I am still praying! Allison, NC

 
At 12:59 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Praying for you fiercely as you guard your heart Trish. I have missed you but completely understand why it is necessary. I pray that visitors and commenters will remember that this is your personal journal of Ashsleys life, and not a blog forum. As I have read your entries, I have not felt you needed any advice, just a lot of encouragement and prayers. My prayers will continue daily for all that you have requested and that God will mend your heart and give you His peace and direction in all things. You are loved and such a gift to Ashley. You are a true example of faith, and the love for your child. Bless you sweetie.
Laurie in Ca.

 
At 1:02 PM , Anonymous dee buchanan said...

We have been so grateful for Dave's posts and keeping us all updated. Trish, it is good to read your words again, because this means that your heart has begun to heal. For that I am so thankful. We continue to pray for All of you, and especially Ashley and her doctors.

 
At 1:04 PM , Blogger cindy/barron said...

Hi Trish it was so nice to see you writing again and sharing this precious story with us. Praying and praying. know this is not the place but God laid it on my heart to ask for prayers for me and my son who is dealing me alot of pain. Love a sister in Christ

 
At 1:07 PM , Blogger Edith said...

Trish - Thanks for coming back - even with the pain. Know you, Dave, Ashley, Blake and Allie are much prayed for and loved.

 
At 1:10 PM , Anonymous Ally from MI said...

Keeping your whole family in my prayers!

 
At 1:24 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

Continued prayers from Tulsa!

 
At 1:26 PM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Trish, what a blessing you continue to be! Your words are always seasoned with so much grace.

I understand how having a blog and being transparent in it opens you up to others feeling like they know you, even though they don't. I had somebody attack a minor decision I made once through a comment on my blog, and while she was in error, it still stung. That was minor; I can't imagine how it must feel to have your parenting choices questioned!

I continue to pray for you and your family, and I pray that as Ashley heals from her surgeries, that you also will heal from the hurts to your heart.

 
At 1:27 PM , Blogger missy said...

You continue to handle things much more gracefully than I could...and you inspire me to be a better person. I tend to take the wimpy way out of situations that aren't even that bad. Seeing you handle crisis after crisis, mean comment after mean comment, the loneliness of being away from your family, not to mention having to watch your baby suffer...I am utterly awed by the strength you show. You've shown me that my circumstances don't have to dictate my joy, my peace, my strength. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for once again showing the love of Christ.

My family is till praying for you all.

 
At 1:32 PM , Anonymous lori said...

Trish - thank you so much for sharing with us! You are such a strong person and such a wonderful mother.

Praying for all of you today! God bless your sweet family.
Lori

 
At 1:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never posted before, but God Bless you and your family. Thank you for posting again and sharing with us. I pray for Ashley everyday and look forward to your updates.

 
At 1:49 PM , Blogger ManyBlessings said...

Trish,
I think you put it well when you said you need to guard your heart. Please take care of yourself in this.

As for Ashley, I am sorry she is struggling so badly with this new line. That has to hurt her and be painful for you to watch. I will pray especially for this newest struggle you all are enduring.

Praying. No matter what, praying.

d

 
At 1:57 PM , Blogger Julie said...

Still praying for you and your family in Kansas City. Wishing you peace on this journey.

 
At 2:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

......praying as always in Oregon...I love you Trish......I appreciate you!

Shari

 
At 2:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I definately agree with you about guarding your heart.

We will be in prayer for you all.

No one who is reading this has any right to tell you anything. God gave you to be her Mother. What someone does not understand about what you do-is because they do not have to understand. God shows every person different things, for their different lives.

These few must be pretty troubled, hurt people. I cannot begin to understand why they would hurt someone who is giving their all.

Hope & pray Ashley feels better..

Lee

 
At 2:32 PM , Blogger Robyn said...

HI Trish, I also read another blog where the author has enabled comment moderation and has comments checked first by a trusted friend. She then only gets the encouraging ones, the "opinions" aren't published or shared with her and so she also avoids the arguments when wellmeaning people leap to her defense. I'm sure you are getting more than enough input and advise from people you see in real life, you don't need any extra from the cyber world! Anyway, its just one way you might be able to "guard your heart".
I'll continue to pray for you all, and hope for blessings a'plenty this weekend.

 
At 2:40 PM , Anonymous Courtney said...

You and your whole family are loved too and continuously prayed for.

 
At 2:42 PM , Blogger Connie said...

(((hugs))) We'll pray that this situation resolves for Ashley. Poor sweetie. It takes courage to be so transparent, but that is how people can see the power of God in your life. He is your strength and you make that so clear!

 
At 2:52 PM , Blogger Just little ole me said...

Praying for continued strength for you and Ash.

 
At 2:53 PM , Blogger Morgy's Mama said...

I can imagine that it would be nice to both express/chronicle how you truly feel and what you believe and also be able to share prayer concerns and praises in one sitting. As we pray for Ashley, we will be prayerful that the journal, and its intended purpose will be returned to your family. Thank you for all you share.

 
At 2:55 PM , Anonymous Prayer Mom said...

God bless you and keep you, Dear Heart. As always I will be praying for Ashley on any specifics you mention and on whatever God puts on my heart. Hang in there, Little Warrior. We are with you.

 
At 3:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you!!! Thank you for letting us know you & your family... God has worked through you to do sooo many things. Stay strong! Know that there are SO MANY strangers & friends who stand with you and wish to gaurd your beautiful open heart from angry hurtful people. I know I can easily speak for all of us out here when I say, I wish I could take the sting for you! Thank you. We love you & will be praying so hard for your families sweet Gherkin. All our love & prayers.
-Dawn

 
At 3:50 PM , Anonymous Suzanne said...

Glad you posted....praying ...as always ....for your family & sweet Ash. Hope one day soon to meet her. Just something I was reading in a Beth Moore study...sometimes we concern ourselves with other things & other people to keep from examining ourselves....(now if that is not conviction (for me) ....I am not sure what is...) I will be praying daily for you...whether I post or not....just know that. Much Love in Christ.... Hugs from Texas.

Suzanne

 
At 3:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your post was very much appreciated, and with very familiar thoughts. Unless you have walked your road, it is hard to explain. God has chosen your family because He saw in you qualities He needed so that He could be glorified.
You put into words I can only feel.
My special angel is in Heaven now, and I praise God for each momment of memory and experience. Hugs to you both. still praying in central IL

 
At 3:53 PM , Anonymous Becky said...

We continue to send love and many prayers from Michigan. Thank you for updating us Trish and know that we are standing with you every single day! Please keep us posted as you feel you're able.

 
At 4:15 PM , Blogger Lori said...

Continue to praise God through the storms in your life and He WILL continue to bless you and your family. Praying for Ashley every day.

 
At 4:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying.
Beth

 
At 4:52 PM , Anonymous Kathleen said...

Praying for Ashley and your family.

 
At 5:19 PM , Blogger Sherri said...

I was so excited to see that you wrote today! Thank you so much for your insight. You are always a blessing to my heart. Still praying for you all faithfully, and spreading the word....

 
At 5:55 PM , Anonymous Leslie said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Your strong faith in God and devotion to your family has changed my life forever. I will continue to keep you all and the Gherkin in my prayers especially for this new trial for her. God bless you!

Leslie

 
At 6:21 PM , Blogger CrownLaidDown said...

Oh, we've had a tough week, too, Trish--and we have been finding rest in His faithful Hands.

We continue praying for you and for Ashley, for your family and for a miracle.

You are greatly loved by the Father! And I ask Him to give you a quick healing journey home to Texas--when you get there, go to the Butcher Shop for me and have a great burger and a cookie!
Love,
holly

 
At 6:24 PM , Blogger Wendy said...

Trish,

I have not posted a comment for awhile - you and Ashley and your wonderful family continue to be in my prayers. I completely understand your leave of absence, you doubts, your fears, and your hurts. I have always been astonished at the courage you have shown while putting yourself out there and sharing Ashley's story. Your honesty is always so refreshing.

I cannot imagine the roller coaster you have been on, the constant stress and worry about Ashley's health. I applaud you for advocating for her so thoroughly. No matter how wonderful a hospital or medical team is, there must always be someone who advocates for the patient as well - and you do this very well from what I can see. No doctor or nurse should ever question a mother advocating for her child - as a physical therapist, I want my patients to ask questions and give their opinion. It *is* after all their health, body and life we are dealing with.

Please continue to trust your heart and do what is best for you and your family. As much as I look forward to your posts and updates on Ashley, I would understand if you felt you needed to close this blog.

You are right - we don't really know you (although we think we do because you have shared so much of your life). I'm grateful for what you have shared - and I think you have touched many, many hearts and have helped more people than you know by sharing Ashley's story.

God bless you - no matter what, I will keep your family in my prayers.

 
At 6:31 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,

I do not post much, but you and your family are always in my prayers. You have such a gift with your writing and able to share and write your feelings, thank you! You have helped me in so many ways, the biggest one is trusting in God. My daughter has been sick this past year and the hardest is when you get different opinions from Dr.s and trying to decide which one you can trust your daughter's life with. Thank you, I cannot say this enough. You give me strength. You are an amazing person and you have a great family. God Bless all of you! Dave thank you also for sharing.
Linda

 
At 7:02 PM , Anonymous Denise said...

Trish, it is so good to hear from you! Take care! Still praying!!!

 
At 7:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, so many times I have started to comment on one of your post but have decided not to. Instead I would just close my eyes and pray for you to have continued strength and for little Ashley to heal.
The day you stopped writing I thought, "Uhhh, I wish I would have told her how much she means to me." My problems seem so little compared to yours but your faith and unconditional love motivate me every day. I visit your page every single day. You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

 
At 7:58 PM , Anonymous Misty said...

Glad to have you back!! I have been praying for you girls all week...I am so thankful that you have some great angels in NE...is there a new address we could have to send words of encouragement to? There is just something about getting a card in "snail mail" that makes a person feel better;) Keep your chin up...you are doing absolutely fabulous!!

 
At 8:28 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

So glad to see your font! :) (And we've really appreciated Dave keeping us updated. He's done a great job!) So glad you and Ashley are "on your own" (in a way), but close to help if needed. Praying she soon gets well enough for them to give her the right equipment! Bless her heart!

 
At 8:36 PM , Anonymous Amanda said...

How true the words of the kind stranger. People feel like they “know you”, much like you “know” the people who do the morning news. The difference is, that those people CHOSE to be in those positions, KNOWING that somewhere down the road, someone MAY question their character, their decisions, their beliefs. While I’m sure it still hurts, at least they aren’t completely blindsided. Being an overly sensitive person myself, I can’t even imagine… Fortunately, there also has been a lot of good that has occurred because people have felt they “know” you. If it weren’t for that, you probably would have stopped writing a long time ago!

There are those who feel like they are missing something when your journal is not posted (like the “entitlement“ you write about). How wonderful that you have blessed them in that way, as you have been an inspiration and a testament to faith and trust in God. However, for you to be expected to fulfill a “need” seems to me to be asking a lot. As someone who does not “know” you in the full sense of that word, but who has seen the sadness and hurt in your eyes (and thankfully some joy and happiness too), I believe that you MUST do what is best for you. Only YOU can decide, and should be shown respect, no matter what you choose to do. I pray that you will be at peace with the decisions you must make to protect yourself, and your family.

=)Amanda

P.S. I read this over about 30 times...I used to have a bit more confidence in my writing ability! Sending prayers from down the street :o)

 
At 8:52 PM , Blogger justme519 said...

You are all in my thoughts and prayers!

 
At 8:56 PM , Blogger julie said...

Trish,

It was great to hear your "voice" again. I pray for your family daily and wish you all the best.

Warmly,
Julie

 
At 9:07 PM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

I think you said this absolutely beautifully! Guarding your heart -- that's exactly what you need to do right now, and I pray that God shows you exactly how to do that, both in this blog and in real life encounters. And, of course, I'll always be praying for Ashley.

I'm enjoying Dave's updates, and will look forward to hearing from you again if/when you feel led to share.

Peace be with you tonight!

 
At 9:24 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Hi Trish,

Just back again one more time tonight to tell you and Ashley I love you, love you, love you. Have a great nights rest tonight. Gods fingerprints are all over you girls, rest in His Love and Peace.

Laurie in Ca.

 
At 9:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ashley, I am praying for your safety and angels to surround that little neck of yours. Be good and do not pull anything else out and maybe you can stay in a room outside the hospital though it sounded like you had a view someone would kill for! Tell Mommy to rest because worrying will not heal you. God will, though. Praying that is His will.

 
At 10:07 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

We love you and are praying for you, all of you!!!!

 
At 10:28 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

Trish,
I am sorry that Ash is so uncomfortable right now. I am hoping and praying that she feels better soon. No little pickle deserves that have so much pain. I hope really soon that you all will be together in your little yellow house. Please know that I am praying everyday. I am glad that you felt you could post again today. Shame on the ones that intentionally harm you with words.
You are all loved, Trish.
Michelle

 
At 10:52 PM , Blogger Julie said...

I think one of the most painful things is when people misunderstand you. I'm sorry for what you have been dealing with. As far as I am concerned, you are one of the bravest people I've ever met, more like "never" met. I don't claim to know you, but what you have shown to us reader has felt genuine and humble. I don't say this as flattery, but as glory to the Lord. May HE bless you tonight and give a quick recovery to precious Ashley Kate.

 
At 12:14 AM , Blogger Haylee Gabrielle said...

hi trish ~ well i do read ashley's story daily & i do pray for you and your family a lot. i even have my 5 yr old daughter haylee praying! she saw a picture of baby ashley & felt so bad seeing her in the oxygen tent.

i will not and would never try to give you advice on how to raise your daughter of family. i don't see how anyone COULD seeing they've never been in this situation. i think sometimes people just think they're 'helping', not knowing they're actually hurting you. plus the fact you keep this blog public (thankfully, otherwise i wouldn't have the opportunity to read about miss ashley & i would go crazy wondering how she's doing!) -- there are people out there who just do not have a happy life and try to endure hurt onto others.

i pray God helps guard your heart. you seem the type to wear it on your sleeve (a lot like me actually), sorry if i'm wrong. but i'm SO SO glad you chose to blog today. i can just feel your heartfelt words and it inspires me to see such a strong wonderful mother (you!) - you may not always feel it, but trish you sure are!

God bless you always,
melissa

 
At 8:10 AM , Blogger Wendy said...

I so wish I also lived close enough to be more than a faceless poster/prayer warrior. Your strength and committment to Ashley and to God have given me strength. You thought you were getting our support when secretly I have been gaining support from you! We continue to pray for Ashley and all of your family. We hold you up to the Lord!!!

 
At 9:51 AM , Anonymous Prayer Mom said...

Lord God,
Lord God, your word says that we have not because we ask not, so Lord, this morning I am coming before you in obedience to your word asking for a few things. Lord God, give Trish and Ashley a peaceful and healing Sunday. I ask that your Holy Spirit enfolds Trish and gives her strength for the battle with this healing process. Lord, heal little Ashley of any life threatening problems instantly and continue to heal and strengthen ever system and every cell in her body. I ask, Lord God, that you bring all of Ashley's body into alignment with your devine blueprint for her little body. I ask all these things in the Name of Jesus.

And Lord, I just continue to praise you and thank you for all of your goodness and mercy that you are showing to this family. You are our Great God, Our Great Master of all Healing, Our Original Human Draftsman and Fabricator and Nothing, Nothing is impossible for You! Thank You Lord! You are worthy of all our praise! Amen and amen!

 
At 10:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keeping you all in my prayers. Especially little Ashley for a quick recovery from this! I am very sorry that she is having to endure all of this. Trish, I do hope that your heart is healed soon. It is really good to see you posting, although I can completely understand you guarding your heart. I have felt the need to do that myself quite a few times throughout my lifetime.
Please know that you are loved as is your beautiful family. Thank you so much for sharing and allowing me to be a small yet huge part of your life. I feel blessed also. I do pray for Ashley to be able to go home soon. I pray for your heart to be healed at this very trying time in your life. I certainly would never judge you in any way whatsoever. I only pray for your family. I do enjoy your writings. You have an awesome talent! An awesome gift!
May God Bless you and your family.

 
At 12:59 PM , Anonymous Stephanie - KCMO said...

I'm so excited that you are out-patient. Still praying for you and your family. Stephanie

 
At 1:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish, I think you really did hit the nail on the head. From "out here" in cyberspace, because you give the world the regular, unadulterated picture of your heart and your circumstances, we do feel we know you. I felt that way when I met you, as well, and even your mannerisms and voice were exactly as I expected. :-)

Also, your blog format is probably a lot different than cyberspace is used to seeing. That's not a bad thing whatsoever, but unfortunately, it puts you in front of people who have a set of expectations about what seems to typically happen on a blog. If you troll around and read the websites of Christian moms in the blogosphere (and I don't have a blog myself, but enjoy reading them, so this is purely observation and not personal experience), what you'll find is a lot of interaction. There are blogrolls in the margains. They banter back and forth, comment to one another within their own comments, email behind the scenes, form what they consider to be "ministries" when they open message boards together, etc. It seems most people sign on for blogging as a way to reach out and interact with people with similar beliefs and interests.

Your purpose is entirely different, yet in the same format as all those other blogs. Because people are familiar with the medium, and feel a familiarity with you, I think it's very easy for readers to lose sight of the fact that your intent for the comment section is probably much different than an interactive, chitter-chatter blog. On a typical blog, I think 'counterpoints' are probably pretty common, and debate often ensues. The difference is, the topics tend to be whether it is biblically necessary to eat only whole grains, cloth vs. disposable, and Roseart vs. Crayola.

Your purpose and intent are entirely different, but encounters typical to the blog medium seem to occasionally creep in without regard for your altered purpose... to make this a journal about your path down the road. I think people feel as though they've gotten in the car with you, and are ready to take over the wheel when they believe you need them to.

That's unfortunate, and probably something that will always be ready to rear its ugly head when you least need it. I don't know if the thing to do is just develop the perspective that there are going to be people out there who don't 'get it', and be prepared to delete them and not give them venue in your venue, or exactly what is best.

Just know that 99.9% of us out here are supportive, and because you seem so "like us", yet are living a painful situation we can't even imagine, well... we just want to see where the journey takes you. Any of us could have ended up in your shoes, whether with a bio child or an adopted child, and seeing you figure out how to make lemonade out of lemons somehow makes the rest of us have a little more confidence in the power of God in our own lives when we open ourselves up to his direction.

If you can get out today, the weather is absolutely gorgeous... so I recommend a trip outside! :-)

Take care,
Brenda

 
At 4:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We live in a very cold, cruel, dark, dangerous, confused, soul-less world, and the internet has become a stage for those who live at this level to air their private, hidden feelings, thoughts and evilness. We cannot expect 100% niceness when we expose ourselves out in the open in this world on line, and we must be prepared for what comes along with that. Our hearts and souls must have a screen around them at all times in order to filter out those mentioned above. Those that were meant to be blessed by your experience and this blog are being and have been, and those that are blessing you with their thoughts, concerns, and prayers are and will be...that will never cease. The others are just being who they are and should be ignored as they are ignorant and a product of the society in which we live. Know that God/Creator is in control 200% even when you don't feel like it or can't see it. Be still and know that "...is God." Still wishing you and your family absolute peace in the midst of it all, VG

 
At 4:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our home does not cease to pray for Ashley! (((hugs))) ~Chan~

 
At 5:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

why would you leave the hospital knowing Ashley has a line that is far too big for her? that doesn't make sense! I beg you to take her back. Her Drs. are being ridiculous sending her out like that. there will be some grave side effects if she keeps it in. i am wondering if they were testing you somehow to see if you would put your foot down. knowing it was the drs. mistake, IT is now your responsibility to get the right one in.

 
At 5:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh MY!!!! Trish we are praying for you STILL and always!! I'm sorry that you have to endure so very much and on top of it all endure comments from some people that are unwanted or NOT needed. I have already posted once today but felt compelled to post again. I pray that you find peace in your heart. I am praying for Ashley, have been and always will...for your entire family!
When you feel that you can I would love to see you post again. I think you write beautifully! Dave thank you for filling in. Your posts were very welcome also. I hope and pray all is well. May God Bless you all! Nothing but good wishes coming from this home!
Oklahoma

 
At 7:09 PM , Blogger Valarie said...

Guard your heart Sister! Guard your baby and guard your family! You take all the time you need and allow our Abba Father to soothe your soul. He's the best medicine for you.

Don't worry about the questions posted here! We're not in the hospital with you (physically), we don't hear/see that sweet angel of yours, we don't get to listen in on your visits with the Dr's and nurses so just don't you worry about us one bit! We're just thrilled to be updated on that baby girl and to lift her to the Father in prayer. We'll continue to do so until you bring her home!

Your reward will be great sister!
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth (blogs)will grow strangely dim. In the light of His glory and grace."
Love to you and all of yours.
Val
NC

 
At 8:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello,

I just had a thought that maybe you can put the moderator on here, so that before a comment is published it has to go thru you.
Maybe that can be your husbands thing, and he can erase any bad emails...so you do not have to read them. You do not need that.

We are so thankful for you.

Lee

 
At 8:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Trish - I am very thrilled to see that you posted an update. Thank you!

Yes, there are many who feel like we know you and I believe that is a gift from God. We are all "sisters in Christ." I think that God has blessed all who are coming here for the right reasons. I believe that because you have opened your heart up to us, God has given you a group of women who feel protective of you and only want the best for you. I get very offended when I see something on here than is anything BUT uplifting, encouraging, loving and supportive. It hurts my heart because I DO feel like I know you and I feel about you like I do my best friend in which our friendship is built upon Christ as the foundation. I hope that makes sense.

As a friend, I only want what is best for you and your family. I support you no matter what and you need to do what you need to do. Those who truly care about you, who love in Christ, will be here for you no matter what. You will be prayed for no matter what, ok?

I would love to know your new address. My son and I finally have your care package ready to go and I didn't want to send it last week because I was unsure where you guys were..what room. We want to get it to you before you two get to come home!!

You are precous!! Thank you for telling us how you feel and your thoughts..good or bad. We love you through it...

Still praying...
With love in Christ-
Amy (and Kyle)

 
At 8:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Trish - one more thing I would like to say. I have not commented on any of the ugly remarks made by others until now. I don't understand after all that happened two weeks ago, your taking a break, etc., that one would come back the very first day your post and say something derogatory and ugly. It hurts my heart for you.

I agree what the others have suggested. What a great idea to have a trusted loved one read the comments and deleting the inappropriate ones before your precious eyes could ever see them. In my protection of you, I will say that is NOT what you need to see right now. I think it would be great if your husband or a trusted friend could screen the comments and remove the tacky ones before you have a chance to see them.

Stay strong, friend! Our God is for you!! He is on YOUR side!! Ahhh, isn't that great news!

Amy

 
At 9:15 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Just stopping by here to check the site for new posts but also to let you know you have been on my heart today and we are praying for you. Stand strong my friend and know that so many are pulling for you! Sunshine

 
At 11:33 PM , Blogger Emily said...

(((Trish)))

I understand... so much more than you know. I treasure the glimpses you have chosen to share, that have allowed the sincere of heart to pray for you specifically. I pray you are able to breathe your girl and your God in during this down time, but that satan would not prevail and cause you to be too fearful to call upon the saints to lift you up. Your honesty, and perhaps even your vulnerability, is a breath of fresh air. I am a grieving mother, so I stand on the other side of your worst nightmare. Know, know with all your heart, that your God is big enough to carry you through absolutely anything. Ashley Kate has never left the palm of His mighty hand. Continue to let her life bring Him glory.

Be blessed, faithful servant. And know you are loved and lifted up.

 
At 7:13 AM , Blogger KimberlyDi said...

"You are loved." Anything/anyone that you love leaves you vulnerable. The pain you've experienced recently is the flip side of the coin to the outpouring of love for your daughter.

The picture you just posted. I knew that was a Trish picture. I knew you posted.

The insensitive comments aren't worth recognizing.

The surgeons words "They really tore her up down there" really ticks me off. Praying praying praying for your little girl and for the rest of your family. Outpatient! yeah!

 
At 10:29 AM , Blogger Sharon said...

(((Trish))) I continue to lift you and Ashley Kate up in prayer. I'm sorry that some people feel they have the right to second-guess your decisions for your sweet baby, and I do agree that the suggestion of adding a moderator to filter them out is a good one.

God knew what He was doing when He gave you and Ashley Kate to each other, and I continue to pray His wisdom and guidance for you. I can only imagine how frightening it is to be faced with making such choices for someone you love so much, and I know that you do it lovingly and prayerfully. Ashley Kate is very blessed to have you.

 
At 11:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have once again blessed my heart. Thank you for just being used by God. Denise

 
At 3:02 PM , Anonymous Monica said...

Trish,
I hate to admit that I haven't been on the website in a long time. I ask about Ashlee and get updates from her Aunt Rae. It breaks my heart to see you struggle. It just takes one person to brings things down and hurt your heart. God wants us to be strong in him. Stay close to Him. I will continue to pray for Ashlee. God is doing great things thru her. She such a wonderful blessing and wonderful message of hope. With Love and Prayer, Monica

 

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