My Girls

I lay in my bed this morning with one on my right and the other on my left. One so tiny and the other not so tiny any more. Their both restless tonight as they work their ways back toward feeling good again. I listen to Ashley Kate breathe with a rattle in her little chest and I listen to Allison Brooke as she scratches and claws her injured skin as it tries to heal. I lay there between them and feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

Tears. Mostly out of exhaustion. The last 5 nights have been long as we care for Ash and Al. As my tears turned into sobs I found myself crying for different reasons. One of my daughters is growing up. The other is not. Tears fall from my eyes because the one my right is growing up too quickly and her little girl days are slipping out of my grasp, and then they fall because I fear the tiny girl on my left may never grow up and never become anything other than our baby.

My girls. They are so alike in many, many ways. Each with their dark hair and beautiful eyes. The softest hands and feet I've ever felt. The sweetest smiles and the silliest ways they bring laughter into our home. They both have a giggle that comes from deep inside of them and when it comes tumbling out it doesn't take long for my eyes to meet Dave's and then watch as the smile I feel across my face spreads across his. Each one of them have the ability to cause their big brother to stop in his tracks to assist, to help, to pester, but I know that if ever need be to protect them from harm. Yes, my girls are so alike.

Then I remember that my girls are so different. The one on my right can walk, and run, and jump for as long as her heart desires. The one on my left cannot. She has no idea that her heart could desire to do the same. The one my right can talk my ear off until I've forgotten the point she was trying to make. The one on my left never utters a word. The one on my right needs new shoes every other week. The one on my left has worn the same size for more than two years now. Yes, my girls are so different.

But yet I love them the same. My hopes and my desires so similar for each of my girls. My dreams for the one on the left are just as big as they are for the one on my right. My heart hurts for them equally and rejoices for them even more.

Each of their hands have sought out mine underneath the covers this night, and as I held them I cried because I was so grateful to be here under the covers for them to reach out too.

As Allison climbed into my bed around 3 this morning she asked me why I was still awake. I shared with her that I had to be to take care her of sister and her night time meds and to peek in on her and Blake. Before she drifted off to sleep again she said,"Its not good for you to stay awake for us all night long, but I'm glad that you do in case one of us needs you."

Tonight, my girls need me. One grown up and the other really not able to. Both of them needed their mom. I'm so glad that I was here. I'm so glad that I'm their mom. I'm so glad that their my girls.