Nervous

That pretty much describes me this afternoon. A bundle of nerves.

I sit and watch Ash breathe and wonder just what is going on inside of her. No fever. Thank you God for that. A really bad cough. Its moved into her chest. I listen to her breath sounds and can hear air moving through the lungs. A little crackly, but still moving. She's grunting. Not something I like to hear her doing. Her heart rate is elevated and tacky, but her oxygen sats are ok. Not perfect, but well above what we would consider needing oxygen support for. So taking all of that into account I wonder if its a normal chest cold or something more.

Her lab work looks suspicious. All of her CBC counts are low except for her monophils which are more than double what they should be. Everything points toward some kind of infection, except the fact that she has no fever. Speaking with Omaha this morning as to wether or not her blood was perhaps diluted therefore not giving us accurate numbers. Her hemoglobin is pretty low and if the labs are indeed correct then she needs a transfusion. As always her albumin is shot. Only 1.3. Meaning she will also be needing albumin any day. I'm waiting on word from Omaha and our local doctor. Omaha should be giving us direction pretty soon. They wanted to speak to the surgeon to find out if he wanted her labs repeated today. We were promised a call back from our local doctor by noon, but still have heard nothing. I think we should get another chest x-ray. Last weeks was clear, but her cough has definitely changed.

Ash just isn't herself. Hasn't been for weeks and weeks. Bouncing back hasn't happened. This whole chest cold is just complicating matters for her. Our hope is to avoid pnuemonia which would land her in the hospital. If soemthing can be given, or something can be done Dave and are hoping to get it going as soon as possible before things go south. If nothing can help but time then we are happy to wait this out. Just nervous about the in between time.

I'm still waiting and wondering if those days of stability will return. If they don't then I'm going to have to figure out some way to handle this bundle of nerves that seems to be constantly knotting up inside of me.

2 years post transplant and still battling. Thank you God for her life. As fragile as it is, I thank you for it. She's an amazing little one and I'm so glad she's with us. Her body may never regain its strength, but the spirit you placed inside of her is stronger than any I've ever known. She snuggles into my chest and I thank you for her ability to breathe. Help me to breathe. Breathe deeply and know You are here. Please protect her. Get her through this. Thank you for allowing us to be home. Thank you, thank you, thank you.