Back to the Drawing Board...

I can not believe I am actually going to type this, so if I can't believe it then I know you all will not. Ash will be returning to surgery down in the special services area to attempt once again to place the G-J tube. About 30 minutes ago they came in and pulled it out through the little hole in her abdomen. The entire J portion of the tube that should have gone into the jejunem section of her bowel had coiled up into her stomach leaving very little room. It was decided that it was too uncomfortable for her to leave it in so they removed it and placed a regular mic-key button in to keep the hole dialated. The hope is that the team in specials will be able to navigate through the shape of Ashley's new anatomy using the dyes and flouro equipment. If they are not successful then Dave and I will meet with the transplant surgical team to discuss a "re-vamping" of her insides in order to place the feeding tube and begin to feed Ash. It has now been 7weeks and 3 days since Ashley has been fed.

I can not pretend that I understand what is taking place in our Ashley's life. I am just thankful that Dave will be here with me if we are faced with making some tough decisions next week. Today I asked the team if this was a normal post transplant course and I was told that," Ashley is writing the pages of her own book." How appropriate I thought to myself. If they only new all about Ashley's Story. At this point we think they will be able to get her on the schedule in the OR for some time on Monday. Ash will placed on a ventilator and sedated through out the procedure. If your wondering what my reaction to that piece of news was I will share with you that I just really wanted to SCREAM. Sometimes I feel that everytime we begin to see progress that we are just turned right back around. I so badly want Ash to do well and come off of the vent before they bring her out of recovery. I am going to hold her all weekend because I just don't know if I will be able to next week.

I am getting tired, but I know that we will one day look back on this time in our lives and read through this journal and be able to say that it was all Him. Every day, every moment, every breath, every victory, every everything. That excites me. I don't know the answers as to why this is happening, but I know the One who does. So tonight I will play and rock and talk and sing with my little Ashley, and as I lay my head on the pillow I will give Him thanks over and over again for this day I was given to spend with her. I am still the lucky one who she will one day call Mommy. I just can't wait for that!