I'm Sorry
I'm sorry that I have no words to share with you tonight. It hurts to bad to think. I try and try but all I know is that I hurt. I hurt for her. I hurt for Blake. I hurt for Al. I hurt for Dave. I hurt for me. The tears don't stop. As I rock this bundle of baby girl the tears fall from my cheeks and onto hers. She wipes them away for both of us. My cheeks are stained and so are hers. I know she wonders why I cry. She looks at me as if to say, "What are you doing? You are getting me all wet!" I just can't stop. Maybe its fatigue? Maybe its not. Maybe its fear? Maybe its not. All I know is that it hurts so bad I curl up in the chair and hide myself under the blanket hoping no one will come in and find me this way. She sleeps and I cry. Cry because I feel as though this one may be the one that is just too hard. What if it is in the spinal fluid? What if it is in her brain? What will we do? I am just so scared for her, and I am just so scared for us. I don't know how we will tell Blake and Allie just how sick she really is. I can't imagine breaking their hearts. So tonight I cry for all the things that have been confirmed and the ones that have not. I cry from my broken heart over her broken body. If the world only knew how truly precious she is. If only you could see what I see when I look at her. Tonight is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. I just want to skip all of this and know the answers so that I may know how to fight. I'm sorry there are no words. I'm sorry I only have tears to offer you tonight.
posted by Ashley @ 9:23 PM
23 Comments:
Your tears are a fair way to handle this. Praying...no other words....
Your eloquence through your pain, through your tears, simply astounds me. Just when you think you have no words for us, you continue to write the words of sweet Ashley's story all over our hearts. My sincerest thanks for sharing her story with us, even on the nights you think you have no words.
Sharing in your tears while I pray for your littlest tonight. Sending a hug for her mommy, too.
Jennifer
Still praying............
Trish, You do not owe apologies at this point. As you cry, believe me when I say, there are so many other tears being shed over the news. I only wish I had words of encouragement, only wish I could take it all away, but in the end, God is the only one who has enough power to change things! At this point, Prayer is the ONLY thing we have and it is the most important. Try to close your eyes and rest in HIS arms tonight -Let him take the pain from you for this moment. May his Peace be on you, Dave, Allie, Blake, and Ashley as you work through this pain. Praying ...
God knows every "what if" in your life, Ashley's life and the life of each one of us. Cry on God's shoulder and He will guide you through the days and weeks ahead.
"Be not therefore anxious for the tomorrow: for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the trouble thereof."
We are praying for you and your family.
Tears are good even Jesus Wept!
Dear Jesus,
Be with Trish tonight as she is weeping, hurting, and aching. Just help her to rest in your loving arms and let you carry her through such a difficult time.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Our prayers are with you. I am praying that our Lord who is so BIG will see you through this trial. My prayers are for your family's and Ashley's strength.
Please don't apologize... your tears are valid, as are your feelings. We are praying for you, your family and most especially right now for Ash.
Ex. 17:15 I AM YOUR BANNER
Judges 6:24 I AM YOUR PEACE
Jer. 23:6 I AM YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS
Gen.22:15 I AM THE ONE WHO PROVIDES
Ex.15:26 I AM THE ONE THAT HEALS
Ps.23:1 I AM YOUR SHEPHERD
Ez.48:35 I AM THE ONE WHO IS THERE
Matt.1:21 I AM YOUR SALVATION
Jn. 6:35 I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE
Jn.8:12 I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD
Jn.10:9 I AM THE DOOR
Jn.10:11 I AM THE GOOD SHEPHERD
Jn.11:25 I AM THE RESSURECTION AND THE LIFE
Jn.14:6 I AM THE WAY,THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE
Praying for you. Know that He is all that you need Him to be to you tonight.
I'm praying for you, each and every time you come to my mind, which is quite often. Don't apologize, we cry with you.
You don't know me but the Father knows you and yours intimately. I will be praying.
Emmanuel.
I am praying for you Little Ashley.You are a wonderful,little girl.May God Bless You..
I'm sorry, too, Trish. My heart hurts for you tonight. I don't even know what to pray for right now--I'm just letting the Holy Spirit intercede for me. He knows what you need, and only God can give you what you need.
I hope that tomorrow brings better news, and that you feel safe under the Everlasting Arms.
Sending love to you and your sweet one on this Valentine's Day.
praying for you...and crying WITH you. just as you curl ashley up in your lap...and rock her..and sing over her....our heavenly Father loves to curl us up in His lap. the scripture says he loves to sing over us. i often curl up in his lap ....and hear the song he sings over me....i hope your song is a strength for you tonite..and i hope you find rest in HIS arms....and a soft tissue for your tears....not those hospital tissues...ewww.
I'd like to offer you a hug.
To me you're doing better than you think as far as how the lack of sleep has/is affecting you.
I was just reminded of a song/chorus from an old record I have. "Thou art my hiding place, Thou art my hiding place, Thou shalt preserve me from trouble, Thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance, what time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee." (Psalm 32:7 and 56:3)
I'd also like to share from The Living Bible Psalm 91. This Bible paraphrase of Psalm 91 reminds of what you keep saying, day in and day out, re: trusting God.
We live within the shadow of the Almighty, sheltered by the God who is above all gods.
This I declare, that he alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him.
For he rescues you from every trap, and protects you from the fatal plague.
He will shield you with his wings! They will shelter you. His faithful promises are your armor.
Now you don't need to be afraid of the dark any more, nor fear the dangers of the day;
nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning.
Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand are dying around me, the evil will not touch me.
I will see how the wicked are punished, but I will not share it.
For Jehovah is my refuge! I choose the God above all gods to shelter me.
How then can evil overtake me or any plague come near?
For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go.
They will steady you with their hands to keep you from stumbling against the rocks on the trail.
You can safely meet a lion or step on poisonous snakes, yes, even trample them beneath your feet!
For the Lord says, "Because he loves me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my name.
When he calls on me I will answer; I will be with him in trouble, and rescue him and honor him.
I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation."
Back to the King James Version, read Psalm 34:1-9, 17-19. Also Psalm 107, it repeatedly says 'they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.'
Matthew 4:4 But he (Jesus) answered and said, It is written, Man shall ... by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. (see Deuteronomy 8:3)
Your feeling are understandable, you have every right to feel this way. No need for words, or explanations to us. Just know that we all are praying for you all.
PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Trish, I am praying for you to have peace as you walk through this storm. God holds each tear you shed in His hand. They are not lost or forgotten. Ashley, I pray for comfort and hope for you. That your doctors will do all they need to do and not overlook one thing. That they will look on your mom with kindness and respect. Dave, for strength as you deal with your own emotions and fears and those of your family also. Blake and Allison, for strength to walk with your sister in this trial. God bless you on this Valentine's Day.
Praying for you today. He knows our every tear. Please don't apologize for your tears, we would all be doing the same thing. May you be given answers today.
Praying for your family today and everyday! I think that you are handling this better than most would. You are such an inspiration even on the "no words" days. Your family is never far from my thoughts and prayers!
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." May God give you rest and peace today. Praying and hoping...
We are crying right along with you literally.
Hang on to God Trish, for he is holding you.
I remember the pain of crying over my Moses when he was in the hospital and the feeling of utter helplessness to take away his pain. There is nothing worse than watching your child suffer. I understand the heartache. My constant thought as I went thru my own personal struggle was the goodness and faithfulness of my Heavenly Father, of Moses' Heavenly Father. That in the middle of all the "stuff" He was bigger than it and He loved Moses more than I could ever love him.
So I'm just praying tonight for peace to wash over your heart, mind and spirit - that your Heavenly Father would allow you to sleep and allow Ashley some relief from her pain.
Love and peace
Erinn
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